One thing I've learned is that there's people out there that just HATE YOU. You ask why do you hate me? Do I need to apologize to you for something I did? There are no wrong answers, please tell me what did I do?
And they say nothing. 'Oh oh oh nothing, we love you.' But not 1 hour or 2 days later there it is a big neon sign flashing in your face that yes, indeed these people hate you, your instincts are correct. There's a full on hate club happening...you knew about the one, you suspected the one but then that hate club converted more and started a 2nd sector or maybe there already was a 2nd sector and they met up to exchange hateful stories to spread in hoping to convert more hate club members.
Haters gonna Hate
It's funny. How many times I've trusted people, let them in, showed them around, been the REALEST REAL me and then they hate me. It makes me question myself, but then I remember that this is not my problem and none of my business. I'm not gonna feed it.no never feed that monster. It's their insecurities not mine.
I remember lying in my hospital bed and thinking the good thing that will come out of all this is that nothing will bother me ever again. How could anything get to me after this? Guess what, shoot, things still get to me. But since I've experienced my worst, I think I have a better perspective on what really matters.
So I'm writing a list, confessions of sorts, lessons I've learned, things I know for sure. Just so I don't forget. And please add your confessions/lessons/things you know-in a comment below! This list will probably double by the end of the year.
Okay here we go (rubbing palms together):
1) I've learned that I sub-consciously think of things I'm grateful for in my mind all day long. Whenever, I start to even feel a hint of jealousy, fear, or sadness I immediately do this and it automatically makes me happy. I think of my family a lot and it makes me happy. It gets me out of those gray areas my mind likes to go sometimes.
2) I've learned that I need Sundays off. I need Sundays to do nothing but hang out with my family. I need that to survive the week.
3) I've learned (over and over and over again) to follow my instincts. I'm still learning to trust my gut.STILL!
4) I've officially learned that if your friend's husband/boyfriend hates you. Like you can feel the hate coming out of his pores, then most likely that friend isn't your real friend. You neither see nor speak to husband/boyfriend and he hates you. The only exception is if you know 'why' they hate you. You ask the wife/girlfriend "hey does your Husband hate me, did I do something wrong?" and they give you the old, "No, no, not at all he loves you". She's not your friend cause said friend is talking a lot of shit about you to said husband/boyfriend. These are not my people-move on. This has happened to me a few times.
5) Thinking positive, being positive, and looking for the positive turns into a big fat positive!
6) I've learned that every time I see other humans, mostly women, I consciously try to find something beautiful about them whether it be their outfit, their smile, the twinkle in their eyes. I try to look for the good.
7) Sometimes I'm too much for people.
8) I feel strong, I think I'm really tough without a doubt. But I'm also weak and very vulnerable.
9) If somebody lies to me several times after only knowing them a short while, I will never believe anything they say after that. I don't understand why people lie about dumb shit.
10) The people that know me the best know that I cuss like a freaking sailor. I'm a cusser you guys and it's not going away. But cussing makes me feel better. (They've done studies).
11) I fall in love with people fast! Once I've loved somebody it's hard to fall out of love, there will always be love in my heart for people even if we no longer speak or they've hurt me in some way.
12) I LOVE TO LAUGH. If you make me laugh I love you. I love laughing really really hard. That's my million dollars. Laughing is priceless.
13) I am imperfect.
14) When I'm hurt it can come across as anger. And I cry when I'm mad. Kinda backwards.
15) For me if a person is beautiful on the outside but not on the inside, I don't look at them as pretty. I usually don't know how I feel about a person's beauty until I get to know them. For me you HAVE to be pretty on the inside first and then I'll notice your exterior.
16) I'm not a jealous person. I used to be when I was young, but I've retrained my brain to not be.
17) I'm an insecure person. I'm self-concious as hell. But then half the time I don't care.
18) When I'm 50+ I really wanna rock my gray hair. I love when I see women rocking their gray! I think they are strong, brave, real, and beautiful.
19) I don't play mind games. And I'm not fluent on passive-aggressiveness. I'm a communicator. I'm REAL.
|I love them! They are 18 months and 1 day here.|
|Got them all dressed up and went on a walk yesterday. Holland, Wren, & Dale in order...Dale will NOT keep her bows in.|