::pack:: of fixations

life after tragedy. living while grieving. love and triplets.


Our Wedding Story

Ryan and I had dated for exactly 2 years when we got married.  We met when I was 18 (I always have to take a slow deep breath now when I think how young that is) and he was 21. 

When we met I had just moved back from Denver (a short 9 month run but a totally different story), I was trying to get a job and was headed back to college.  He worked for Hall Excavating, and was friends with a friend's older brother.  Neither of us were looking to be in any kind of a relationship, I know this to be true about myself because it was honestly my first time ever feeling okay with being alone.  I mean holy cow looking back I was just a baby...

We are both the youngest in our families.  I come from a large family, 7 kids but that is an average size where I grew up especially for my generation.  Ryan is the youngest of 3.  I have 3 older sisters whom I had the pleasure of watching stress, pick out that, choose this, and stress some more about planning their weddings.  I watched my Mom with one elbow on the table, pressing her hand to her forehead breathing out the longest and loudest sighs and whispering things like, "I just hope people even come."  "What are we gonna do with all that ice cream if nobody comes?"  "What if we run out of chocolate syrup?"  

The receptions were always held in a church. The basketball hoops were raised as high as they could go and the white basketball court lines (Idk what they are called) were painted perfectly on the burgandy carpet or sometimes basketball court wood floor.  That's how most people did it when I was a kid.  

I knew at a very young age that I wasn't gonna do this.  I was not going to plan and stress and care about anything when I got married.  I didn't care who came.  I really didn't.  I don't remember ever fantasizing about my dream wedding as a child.  

We paid my Dad back for the flight and hotel accommodations to Hawaii that he put on his credit card.  I went with another friend or two and tried on wedding dresses at ONE store ONCE!  There was no way I could afford any of them.  I went to some fabric store and bought white fabric and swiss dot lace for my wedding dress.  I hired out a seamstress whom I hadn't gotten any recommendations for or even saw any of her work.  My copy of 'Emma' (the Gwyneth Paltrow one) on video tape was paused in the exact right spot so I could show her the dress I wanted her to make.  Really really bad idea for so many reasons.  I think we can all guess how my dress turned out.  It was nothing like how I wanted it, pretty ill-fitting and it looked really home-made.  

I wore it anyway.  I didn't really care.

Our parents insisted on coming, so we let them.  Our whole families were invited, they'd just have to fly there, ya know using their own money.  Nobody came, I'm sure most if not all didn't have the money.  

We went to the place where you get your marriage license straight from the airport, I believe it costed $25.00, then checked into our hotel "The Princess Kailhuana" or something like that.  It took us both the entire week to finally pronounce the name of our hotel right.  

As soon as we got checked in I immediately had to go across the street to get my hair done (I doubt I made an appointment beforehand), while Ryan went with a friend who lived there to get flowers.  I hadn't washed my hair in days.  I worked graveyards at a very, extremely stressful job and had been awake for at least 2 days.  I assumed they'd wash it and then style it, I didn't even think to ask.  So my hair is really greasy in my wedding photos, my bangs are especially bad.  

Who knew Hawaii had traffic?  Ryan got caught in major traffic whilst getting the flowers.  We were supposed to get married at sunset, but Ryan didn't get back until well after dark.  There I stood; home-made wedding dress draping my I wish I would've lost 10 more lbs body, my greasy hair done up all nice as it grew darker and darker outside. The Bishop that we had planned to marry us couldn't come anymore.  Bishops marry everybody where I'm from, I mean I'd only seen different in the movies.  I'm sure I was holding back tears and keeping a panic attack at close bay.  I mean who was gonna marry us?  How do people just get married?  I remember my Mom saying, "Do you want me to run downstairs to the pool and yell, "Is there a Doctor in the house?"".  I mean I still wonder to this day what made her happier, having her youngest and last child married and out of the house or the ease of this crazy daughter's wedding. We didn't know what to do.  We didn't want to wait til tomorrow and waste a whole night in Hawaii staying in our parent's hotel rooms no thank you.  Who cares about the actual wedding part lets ditch the parents and get this Hawaiian vacation started, ya know?

The friend that drove Ryan to get flowers is from Japan and was a lot more cultured and worldly than us.  "Why don't you just look it up in the yellow pages?".  "Nuh-uh, you can look up people to marry you in the yellow pages?".  Turns out our well-cultured friend was right.  I didn't make the call or see the ad but was later told it was called 'Weddings in a Hurry".  We picked a beach at random, it was very dark outside.  We weren't sure what this Reverend Arnold Abby was gonna be like.  Ryan and I and probably most if not all of our parents had ever seen a Reverend of any kind in real life before.  A sweet blonde/gray haired man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and glasses showed up and Reverend Arnold Abby did a beautiful job.  Turns out he was a runner, we saw him at least 3 times over the course of our honeymoon in cute short running shorts.

With the time change and it being so dang close to midnight we didn't really know what day it was.  For the first 5 years of our marriage we celebrated the 10, 11, and 12 of October.  On our marriage license it says the 11th, but we will always wonder if the Reverend even wore a watch. 

I started my period the next day, so on our entire honeymoon I was on the rag. I came down with a really bad sinus infection.  Also, I learned that birth control gives me extremely bad acne.  Most people it clears them up but not me.  I went to the dermatologist for said acne and whatever creams he gave me made it 1000x's worse.  It looked like I had a skin rotting disease and those words have come out of my Mother's mouth too, that's how bad it was.  I have scars on my face to prove it.  

Every single night of our honeymoon I was up hunched over in extreme pain, throwing up, and crying.  I thought I had ulcers, ya know from my very stressful job.  On night 5 or so I broke down and went to the ER.  They gave me some Pepto-Bismol & maybe drew some blood it cost us like $3k or $5k I can't remember, they told me to see a Dr when I got home and sent me on my way, uh great thanks a lot.

We had closed on our first house, Colum's house a week before we got married.  We thought we would only live there for 2 years ha!. 

We had an open house at my parents planned a few days after we got home.  While out getting things (unplanned things) I had an attack while riding in my car with my Mom  She looked at me and said Kelly this isn't an ulcer.  So back to the ER we went and it turns out it was gallstones and I had my gallbladder removed the day after our open house.  

And I swear I have been falling apart ever since and he still has stuck with me.  A lot of things went wrong, and I didn't know what I was doing.  But in a way I wouldn't change a thing, or maybe just only two of them.  To me it's just a really funny story.  I'm so lucky to be married to a man who I love and is my Best Friend. We aren't perfect but we do pretty good.  I feel very lucky in this part of my life.

I totally still have my home-made wedding dress.  It makes me so happy to have 3 daughters so we can laugh about it someday.  They will know me and know why it is funny.  Maybe if I can hold a straight face I will offer it to them them to wear at their weddings if/when they get engaged.  Or maybe home-made Jane Austin novel era dresses will be in style by then.

This is the only photo I found on our computer of our wedding.  But I need to find one that shows my shoes, I didn't even think of buying shoes you guys!  So I wore these camel colored platforms and they are showing in half the pictures.  Also since this is way back when photos were taken on film it's kinda hard to see how greasy my hair is.  Two words BANG SEPARATION.


debated question

Back in the day, before I had triplets somehow this same debate would pop up on I'd say a twice a year basis.  

The if you had twins would you dress them alike? question

I think it's fair to guess that mostly women talk about this.  

1)You always have your people who are so so passionate about why it just...disgusts them just...eww...just drives them crazy.

2)Then you have your I don't know-ers, or I just don't care enough to think about it-ers ---> this was my category.   

3)Then you have your absolutely's, your it's like my obsession, or your definite just yes-ers with no explanation-ers.

I totally forgot about this until a few days ago!  And I just want to put it out there that it's okay if you're in the first category, I get it.  But now that I have been a mother to triplets for a little over a year now, here's why I choose to.

It's for the same reason I try really hard to not wear pajama pants to the grocery store.  (leggings/yoga pants don't count as pajama pants fyi) I won't look put together, I will look messy.

To me it feels like they aren't matching when they aren't dressed identical.  When they are dressed the same they match!  It makes me feel like I have it together. Since there are 3 of them, and they all have brown hair when they are not matching it looks messy to me.  I realize most people won't even notice this.  But it just looks a little more nice and neat to me.  And the weirdest part is if you know me well you know I'm more of a non-matcher with everything else.

But when we are home, alone, where no one can see us... we don't match and I personally wear the foulest looking ensembles, the more comfortable the better.

Also, say you bring them to a BBQ where there are gonna be lots of people and amongst those people are salt of the earth saints who love to play with babies, or at least pretend to so a couple of exhausted parents can zone out or interact with the humans outside our house or work for minutes at a time.  Only to come up for air and do a quick headcount every now and then.  When they are matching that headcount goes so much faster.  There's much less work for your brain to remember who was wearing what and look for that color, all while trying to stay tuned into the conversation.  

P.S. I will neither confirm nor deny if I have ever worn pajama pants to the grocery store.  But if I have, the reason I would've stopped is because I would've ran into WAY too many people I know whilst wearing them.  I hear it's a hard habit to break if you're a gambler.

If you see us out and about and they are not matching it's cause we are very tired, and we don't care if we look messy.  Kinda like when one would maybe wear pajama pants to the grocery store.

A brave moment when I took every one to JoAnn Fabric all by myself.

My dollies turned 1 last month.
Finn loves his first sport!  He wears his hat even when he has his pajamas on.  He is such a good kid and I have to say is turning out to be quite funny.  I love hearing his view on things.  He sure can talk though wow!

My Dad pulling them out to the car for me.  Another brave day for me.  I drove to Utah County with  just the girls for my Niece's wedding reception all by myself.  Ry stayed home to take Finn to his first coach pitch game ever.  They are wearing different outfits which was a little hard on me but I tried to stay in the same color palette.

I've been trying here and there for the last couple of weeks to get a good picture of us when I'm wearing make-up & have decent clothes on.  Wow-wee was it difficult.  I sorta love this one though.  I'm kinda blurry, and it's not perfect but it's us being us.  I love this man.  He knows me.
He knows my OCDs, knows my crazies, knows my humor.  He does almost everything I say... almost.  He's one of the best people I've ever known and he's mine.  I always like to say that I know I got lucky with him because I'm not so lucky in a lot of other areas.

Happy 13th Anniversary in 5 days Ry!