::pack:: of fixations



life after tragedy. living while grieving. love and triplets.

10.13.2014

Our Wedding Story


Ryan and I had dated for exactly 2 years when we got married.  We met when I was 18 (I always have to take a slow deep breath now when I think how young that is) and he was 21. 

When we met I had just moved back from Denver (a short 9 month run but a totally different story), I was trying to get a job and was headed back to college.  He worked for Hall Excavating, and was friends with a friend's older brother.  Neither of us were looking to be in any kind of a relationship, I know this to be true about myself because it was honestly my first time ever feeling okay with being alone.  I mean holy cow looking back I was just a baby...

We are both the youngest in our families.  I come from a large family, 7 kids but that is an average size where I grew up especially for my generation.  Ryan is the youngest of 3.  I have 3 older sisters whom I had the pleasure of watching stress, pick out that, choose this, and stress some more about planning their weddings.  I watched my Mom with one elbow on the table, pressing her hand to her forehead breathing out the longest and loudest sighs and whispering things like, "I just hope people even come."  "What are we gonna do with all that ice cream if nobody comes?"  "What if we run out of chocolate syrup?"  

The receptions were always held in a church. The basketball hoops were raised as high as they could go and the white basketball court lines (Idk what they are called) were painted perfectly on the burgandy carpet or sometimes basketball court wood floor.  That's how most people did it when I was a kid.  

I knew at a very young age that I wasn't gonna do this.  I was not going to plan and stress and care about anything when I got married.  I didn't care who came.  I really didn't.  I don't remember ever fantasizing about my dream wedding as a child.  

We paid my Dad back for the flight and hotel accommodations to Hawaii that he put on his credit card.  I went with another friend or two and tried on wedding dresses at ONE store ONCE!  There was no way I could afford any of them.  I went to some fabric store and bought white fabric and swiss dot lace for my wedding dress.  I hired out a seamstress whom I hadn't gotten any recommendations for or even saw any of her work.  My copy of 'Emma' (the Gwyneth Paltrow one) on video tape was paused in the exact right spot so I could show her the dress I wanted her to make.  Really really bad idea for so many reasons.  I think we can all guess how my dress turned out.  It was nothing like how I wanted it, pretty ill-fitting and it looked really home-made.  

I wore it anyway.  I didn't really care.

Our parents insisted on coming, so we let them.  Our whole families were invited, they'd just have to fly there, ya know using their own money.  Nobody came, I'm sure most if not all didn't have the money.  

We went to the place where you get your marriage license straight from the airport, I believe it costed $25.00, then checked into our hotel "The Princess Kailhuana" or something like that.  It took us both the entire week to finally pronounce the name of our hotel right.  

As soon as we got checked in I immediately had to go across the street to get my hair done (I doubt I made an appointment beforehand), while Ryan went with a friend who lived there to get flowers.  I hadn't washed my hair in days.  I worked graveyards at a very, extremely stressful job and had been awake for at least 2 days.  I assumed they'd wash it and then style it, I didn't even think to ask.  So my hair is really greasy in my wedding photos, my bangs are especially bad.  

Who knew Hawaii had traffic?  Ryan got caught in major traffic whilst getting the flowers.  We were supposed to get married at sunset, but Ryan didn't get back until well after dark.  There I stood; home-made wedding dress draping my I wish I would've lost 10 more lbs body, my greasy hair done up all nice as it grew darker and darker outside. The Bishop that we had planned to marry us couldn't come anymore.  Bishops marry everybody where I'm from, I mean I'd only seen different in the movies.  I'm sure I was holding back tears and keeping a panic attack at close bay.  I mean who was gonna marry us?  How do people just get married?  I remember my Mom saying, "Do you want me to run downstairs to the pool and yell, "Is there a Doctor in the house?"".  I mean I still wonder to this day what made her happier, having her youngest and last child married and out of the house or the ease of this crazy daughter's wedding. We didn't know what to do.  We didn't want to wait til tomorrow and waste a whole night in Hawaii staying in our parent's hotel rooms no thank you.  Who cares about the actual wedding part lets ditch the parents and get this Hawaiian vacation started, ya know?

The friend that drove Ryan to get flowers is from Japan and was a lot more cultured and worldly than us.  "Why don't you just look it up in the yellow pages?".  "Nuh-uh, you can look up people to marry you in the yellow pages?".  Turns out our well-cultured friend was right.  I didn't make the call or see the ad but was later told it was called 'Weddings in a Hurry".  We picked a beach at random, it was very dark outside.  We weren't sure what this Reverend Arnold Abby was gonna be like.  Ryan and I and probably most if not all of our parents had ever seen a Reverend of any kind in real life before.  A sweet blonde/gray haired man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and glasses showed up and Reverend Arnold Abby did a beautiful job.  Turns out he was a runner, we saw him at least 3 times over the course of our honeymoon in cute short running shorts.

With the time change and it being so dang close to midnight we didn't really know what day it was.  For the first 5 years of our marriage we celebrated the 10, 11, and 12 of October.  On our marriage license it says the 11th, but we will always wonder if the Reverend even wore a watch. 

I started my period the next day, so on our entire honeymoon I was on the rag. I came down with a really bad sinus infection.  Also, I learned that birth control gives me extremely bad acne.  Most people it clears them up but not me.  I went to the dermatologist for said acne and whatever creams he gave me made it 1000x's worse.  It looked like I had a skin rotting disease and those words have come out of my Mother's mouth too, that's how bad it was.  I have scars on my face to prove it.  

Every single night of our honeymoon I was up hunched over in extreme pain, throwing up, and crying.  I thought I had ulcers, ya know from my very stressful job.  On night 5 or so I broke down and went to the ER.  They gave me some Pepto-Bismol & maybe drew some blood it cost us like $3k or $5k I can't remember, they told me to see a Dr when I got home and sent me on my way, uh great thanks a lot.

We had closed on our first house, Colum's house a week before we got married.  We thought we would only live there for 2 years ha!. 

We had an open house at my parents planned a few days after we got home.  While out getting things (unplanned things) I had an attack while riding in my car with my Mom  She looked at me and said Kelly this isn't an ulcer.  So back to the ER we went and it turns out it was gallstones and I had my gallbladder removed the day after our open house.  

And I swear I have been falling apart ever since and he still has stuck with me.  A lot of things went wrong, and I didn't know what I was doing.  But in a way I wouldn't change a thing, or maybe just only two of them.  To me it's just a really funny story.  I'm so lucky to be married to a man who I love and is my Best Friend. We aren't perfect but we do pretty good.  I feel very lucky in this part of my life.

I totally still have my home-made wedding dress.  It makes me so happy to have 3 daughters so we can laugh about it someday.  They will know me and know why it is funny.  Maybe if I can hold a straight face I will offer it to them them to wear at their weddings if/when they get engaged.  Or maybe home-made Jane Austin novel era dresses will be in style by then.


This is the only photo I found on our computer of our wedding.  But I need to find one that shows my shoes, I didn't even think of buying shoes you guys!  So I wore these camel colored platforms and they are showing in half the pictures.  Also since this is way back when photos were taken on film it's kinda hard to see how greasy my hair is.  Two words BANG SEPARATION.



8 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh. I love this post for so many reasons!! Sounds like it could have been a complete disaster but you didn't have a care in the world. That is definitely true love!!

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  2. This is like the most perfect wedding story ever!! Really, it's just a day. One day in many that is important but not the be all end all. Many more significant days together will make up a marriage and a lifetime. Your girls are amazing and I always hope maybe we will bump into each other out and about. PJs, yoga, leggings and all. I wear em too because life is hectic and comfort isn't too much to ask for right?

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  3. I totally love your wedding story.....anyone can have a high society shindig at a fancy smancy country club but you my dear....had the ultimate wedding that will never be forgotten. The looks on your girls' faces when you tell them about your dress, flowers, the break-outs, the honeymoon, etc.....I would love to be a fly on the wall. I loved hearing about my mom's wedding and all the things that went right and wrong. I can say the same about my own wedding. But the memories....*sigh*....I will smile everytime I think of that day. YUP!! True love.

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  4. I love this! I am so glad you shared, because it goes to show you that all you really do need is each other :) Hope the babies are all doing well and Mr. Finn. What CUTE kids you have!

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  5. I really think you look so pretty and so sweet in his picture. The story is so funny. Won't your kids have fun with that story when they get older?!!!!

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  6. LOL!!! Great wedding story!

    I too did not want the fuss and hubby and I eloped at Kahana Sunset Maui some 22 years ago. Just us. Everything went well until I sat down to my $30 seafood plate and $12 champagne (22 YEARS AGO!) and wanted to vomit. As I did for the remainder of the trip. Three days after getting home and I still could not move I bought a pregnancy test. BINGO.
    I do not regret a thing. We married how we wanted, no stress, fuss or muss :)

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