::pack:: of fixations

life after tragedy. living while grieving. love and triplets.


Happy New Year

...I didn't intentionally step away from here, it just happened.  

The days turned into weeks, every once in awhile I'd think to myself oh I need to blog about this but there was no time.  I received some sad news, some news I could've just left alone but I sought it out.  It's okay, every one is okay...I just can't decide if I should share it here or not.  I suppose that's what triggered my break from typing for awhile.  Taking care of triplets and a 5 year old is exhausting and there are times I hit into a wall.  But then, they smile at me and my heart melts into a puddle.  They are honestly the sweetest babies in the world.  

This holiday season was both happy and sad.  I cried a lot more than I expected.  We ventured out a little tiny bit.  We went and visited Colum's headstone on Christmas Eve.  Oh how I can't believe it's been 2 years since I've held him!  He's now been gone longer than he was here.  I went through bins of clothes that he wore as a baby.  Bins I'd packed away when he was alive, items tucked away before I knew or ever dreamed that he would no longer be with us.  I thoroughly smelled each item of clothing searching for any unwashed ones.  His smell is totally gone now, it's just a memory now.  It sadly makes him feel further away somehow.  

Finn has told me multiple times how much he loves Christmas, how Christmas is his favorite.  He asks me if I love Christmas too, and I just reply with a simple yes.  We managed to put up lights on our new house and put up a tree this year all while juggling 3 newborns.  We will forever try and make the holidays a joyful season and not let our sadness overshadow them.

Triplets are a lot of work but I'm trying to soak it all in.  I know I can never get these days back and we treasure every moment.  Dale and Wren (the identical ones) are literally identical in so many ways.  They are both extremely happy and very chatty.  It's pretty crazy to have 2 sets of the same pair of eyes watching and waiting for you to look over at them, and then have them both simultaneously smile at you upon eye contact.  Dale is a better eater and Wren takes some coaxing.  Sometimes Wren and I have to have a good 5-10 minute chat before she will eat at all.  Sometimes Ryan or somebody else besides me has to feed her so she will stop chatting and eat at all.  It makes me laugh because this is the first difference I've noticed between having girls and boys.  Dale is extremely patient and so so sweet.  She rarely cries and is frequently the last one to eat.

Holland.  Oh Holland.  She definitely walks/sleeps/eats to the beat of her own drum.  She is by far held the most and requires the most attention.  She's feisty, has a temper, and is lil' miss sassy pants.  She didn't smile for a few weeks after Wren and Dale and I sorta assumed she was the grumpy one.  But she's caught right up to her sisters.  She has big eyes, olive skin, and chubby cheeks.  Instead of cooing like her sisters she grunts and growls.  If you put her down and she begins to cry; you pick her up, you don't mess around...this girl goes from 0-60 in seconds flat and it can take hours to calm her down.  

Dale and Wren are nearly impossible to tell apart.  All three have their own cribs and we never mix them up.  When I'm holding Wren or Dale I think they seem totally different but I'd never really tested myself.  Ryan and I take turns getting up during the night with the babies and one early morning Dale woke up around 3 or 4am and I fed her and then she fell asleep in her swing (the other two were still in their cribs).  Around 8am I got up and Ryan had fed all three and Wren was crying in her crib and so I got her up to feed her.  About half way through the feeding it hit me, this isn't Wren, this is Dale.  They were dressed the same but Dale still had remnants of the yellow toe nail polish on her toes.  I checked and sure enough it was Dale.  He actually did the same thing the next day and I caught it again!  So, I'm proud to say that I their Mother can tell them apart...sometimes it takes me a minute or ten but I can do it.  

Holland, Wren, and Dale <3  3.5 mos

Finn wanted to be swaddled.  Or maybe we just wanted to swaddle him.

The Festival of Trees.  The blue tree behind me is Colum's and the Purple one is for Norah.  I was crying before we even parked.  I cried so hard I embarrassed myself.  We took 2 of the babies with us and people kept saying "oh look it's twins".  And either Ry or I would quickly say "Uh no they are triplets!".  Twins seem like it would be a piece of cake to us right now :)

My beautiful Holland.  Always has to be held.

Holland, Wren, and Dale after the first time they all slept through the night.  Hasn't really happened since though.

Visiting Colum on Christmas Eve.  Somebody put a stuffed animal there for him <3
Miss you Baby!


  1. Man your girls are the cutest things ever. There is just something about wren...remembering their big bro who is the reason they are here too...

  2. Thought of your and your family this holiday season. Your children are absolutely beautiful!

  3. Thanks for the update! We did miss you, but understood, as much as somebody who doesn't have triplets can understand. Those are some gorgeous and healthy babies. I thought of you so often over the holiday, imagining your mixed feelings at certain dates. A lot of people have you and your family in their hearts and prayers, sending you strength when you need it most. God bless...

  4. They are beautiful! I'd be so afraid I wouldn't be able to tell them apart... So yay...you!!! Finn is seriously so stinkin' cute (: That would be so hard to realize Colum has been gone longer than he was here. It doesn't seem like it's been two years. I need to come visit you and hold those babies!

  5. You never have to explain why you haven't blogged. Seriously.
    It is always great to read what has been going on with you and your family. I think of you often and love to see pictures of everyone. Your story has changed the way I see life, see my family. Take care of you and enjoy each day. Love those kids and be happy. You certainly deserve it.

  6. Such sweet babies and I loved swaddled up Finn, that's how my youngest loves to sleep. I too think of you often but especially over these past few weeks. You're an amazing person and I'm glad you're so willing to share your life with me, a perfect stranger because your story/life does have an impact on me in all positive ways:-). Love the update and your precious family!

  7. To the pack family i too thought of you alot in the past couple of months oh how time flies i cant believe that they are almost 4 months kelly they are so beautiful you and your family are truly amazing, i love and miss you all i would love to come and see them. I totally understand the holidays were hard and im sure and know that you have truly been busy i think abkut you guys everyday . If i can ever do anything please let me know, and i love that tree. Im keeping you in my prayers and be sure to give your kids a hug and kiss from their aunt erin ( brandies friend) i also have to spoil them love erin

  8. I was thinking of you guys during the holidays and on Christmas a lot. When all 3 babies are lined up, they all look identical to me! They are seriously the most gorgeous babies ever. You are a lucky mama. Glad you are enjoying their babyness even through what has got to be sheer exhaustion and intensity. When I saw the pic of Colum's tombstone above with his picture - man, I can see the similarities between him and his sisters. Happy New Year! xoxo - arrowsmithchic

  9. Thank you for updating. I knew it would be a hard time for you and being patient is one of my virtues. I check most every day. Those little girls are growing and are as beautiful as can be. Thank you for sharing your pictures. God bless you all and may this be a good year for all of you.


  10. I'm in a similar boat on blogging. It's just taken a back seat to everything else. Thinking of you always, and hoping all is ok with the sad news. Love you guys... can't wait for cold/flu season to be gone so we can come out of hibernation & get our girls together. Holland and Norah sure seem to have a lot in common - sassy girls! xo

  11. Hi there lady! I'm sorry I've been so out of the loop lately as well. I'm glad you made it through another Christmas. Holland sounds like Penny, she was just like that! Your little girls look so sweet and I'm so sad I haven't been up to cuddle them yet. I'm struggling so hard through this pregnancy, 15 more weeks then back to my life and this womb closes down for business :) I'm so whiney, I've only got one little lady in there but she is doing her best to help me go out in style hahaha I hope all is as well as it can be and I will see you soon! Hugs from Heidi

  12. I came across your blog some time ago, and I am glad I found you again to find out you had sweet little triplets. They are beautiful. Your kids have an amazing angel watching over them. I couldn't help but tear up while reading your older posts today. Sending y'all a huge hug!!