Yesterday my brother sent us a couple 2 minute videos that he'd taped of Colum while he was on life support in Primary Children's Hospital. I recently found out my brother was the first person to get to him. He'd been alone for hours, my dove who was being kept alive by machines. Somebody had read we were in a horrible accident on Facebook and probably called my Sister or her husband to give their condolences. Unbeknownst to them no one in my family had any idea. I'm sure most of them heard of the accident, my other brother's family passed us without recognizing our car. Some went around to avoid traffic. They'd gotten home safely and tucked their families into bed. I imagine my sister frantically calling family members. Nobody had any information. Nobody knew which hospital we were even at. So they split up. It was Scott who'd gotten to him first. My Sister-in-law Bobbi who found Finn at a completely different hospital. He was all by himself, scared out of his mind.
They asked Ryan what his Mom's phone number was during the 2 hours of trying to cut him out of the car. They didn't think to ask for my family's number. They didn't tell Ryan's poor Mom that any one else had been in the car, only her son. She'd just buried her Husband a few months prior and I'm sure the shock and horror of getting that kind of phone call would make it hard to think of anything else except to grab your keys and just drive to your son. Bobbi was on her way to spend Christmas Eve with her Mom that night so she wouldn't have to spend her first one alone without Dale, her husband. I guess they passed on the road and somehow that is how Bobbi found out.
These little details I'm still learning. Both our families hearing the news at different times. Why didn't the social worker tell my Mother-In-Law that their were 3 other people in the car & that she needed to notify them?, maybe it's against the law. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't talk. I wish my family would've found out sooner; just so Colum wouldn't have been alone. I know he was in great care. In one of the videos a nurse's hand is gently rubbing the top of his head over and over with her hand ever so softly, just like I would have done. His eyes are open. They follow a nurse who is inserting another tube down his throat and then he looks the other way. His eyes following noises and movement all the while blinking slowly...almost like...nothing was wrong. I love those videos even though they make me cry. I cry just thinking about them.
I love watching his eyes move back and forth. I love watching his beautiful eyelids open and close. I love that his juicy bottom lip is hanging down extra low from being taped down to hold the breathing tube, I could kiss it. If I would have been in there I would have a million times. I kiss my kids on the lips. I've never been a kiss on the lips kind of person, until my kids were born. I just couldn't help it. I just wish it was me in there talking to him. It KILLS ME to think about. In a way, these videos make me feel like we were.
I miss his eyes more than anything!
I miss his soft skin. His juicy lips. His chubby hands and feet. His cute little teeth. His cuddles. His whines and cries. The noise he made when he drank his bottles. His heavy breathing. It's nice to have something familiar to watch of him even if it is painful.
Still doing really good though. I'm laughing again. Really laughing, on a regular basis. I feel more like myself and I'm in a really good place.
Have a good week everyone!!!