::pack:: of fixations

life after tragedy. living while grieving. love and triplets.



I stole this from my niece's instagram and reposted it.  I changed my instagram username to Packx7 if you'd like to follow me!

I've missed typing on this keyboard.  Every single day I intend to update but the day somehow always gets away from me.  I think it has something to do with having triplets ;)

First order of business is how we chose each of their names.  There's something special with each of them.

Holland Raquel- I used to have a client whose name was Holland.  I loved it.  Ryan doesn't remember me asking him early on in my pregnancy if he liked the name Holland and him telling me no, but it happened and I scratched it off the list.  Later...much later I asked him again and he liked it.  It's been a top contender ever since.  Raquel, is actually my real name.  Kelly is just a nickname ever since the day I was born.  I've always liked Raquel better and have even tried to go by Raquel when starting new jobs but it just doesn't work out when I refer to myself as Kelly and then people ask me who Kelly is.  So there you have it, Holland Raquel Pack.

Wren Dove- Dove is pretty obvious.  And I LOVE IT!  For people who are new to reading my blog, Colum's name means Little Dove.  Wren has been a favorite name of mine since I first heard it.  Also, one of my very very favorite nurses (Megan) on floor 6 (Ortho trauma) was pregnant while taking care of us.  She later named her baby girl Wren.  Wren was definitely high up there on my favorites list the whole time.  Wren has quickly earned the nickname "Wren Bird" around here and something tells me it's gonna stick.

Dale Jane- Jane has been my favorite girl name since 10th grade.  But recently Finn has had quite a few Jane's in his classes and I didn't want to risk her having to go by Jane P.  About 4 months before our accident Ryan's Father passed away.  He died way too young, 2 weeks after turning 66 years old.  His name was Dale.  I was just 18 when Ryan and I first started dating and was so regretfully shy back then, especially to my boyfriend's parents.  Dale wasn't one for long conversations either, but showed me what a beautiful man he was in other ways.  Sometimes I'd drive up to the city of Alpine and hang out with Ryan at his parent's house in his basement.  It would get late and we'd say goodbye and I'd go outside and start walking down the driveway towards my car.  Almost every time I'd hear the screen door shut a few seconds behind me and turn around to see Ryan walking down the porch steps.  He'd look down sorta embarrassed like and say, "my Dad is making me come out so I can walk you out to your car".  (Ya, I'm crying right now).  Another little thing Dale did that I didn't realize for years after he'd gotten sick was always defrost a boneless, skinless chicken breast for me at their family dinners.  I don't eat pork.  And the Pack's sure cook a lot of ham.  I never expect to be catered to, but every time there it would be.  Just one chicken breast set out for me.  My own family didn't even remember I didn't eat pork and it meant so much to me.  The chicken breasts stopped shortly after we'd gotten married.  I'd always assumed it was Ryan's Mom who set out the chicken for me all those years.  We were driving to his parents house once and I was joking about how now that we were married, the chicken had stopped and they didn't have to impress me anymore (terrible I know).  It was in that very moment I realized it was him.  He had gotten sick and that's when the chicken stopped.  I got really emotional knowing it was him all that time.  I wrote a post about him here shortly after he died.  I will never forget these little silent acts of love and am so proud one of my daughters carries his name...first and last!  Colum is actually buried with his Grandpa, it brings me some peace that my baby's body is not alone.

Their little personalities are all starting to come out.  Holland has the loudest cry.  She's all business when it comes to feedings.  She has Colum's face but not his eyes.  She's the most alert.  She's our little grunter.  Often whatever side she's sleeping on that eye gets really puffy.  I noticed it one night during a feeding and then Ryan mentioned the same thing the next day.  Ryan didn't remember until I reminded him that Colum's used to do the same thing.  She is definitely a lot like her big brother in a lot of ways and I won't be surprised if she growls when she wakes up when she gets a little older.  

Wren, is the patient one.  She wonders why every one is always in such a hurry.  She usually takes longer to eat her bottle than the other two combined. She likes to stop and smell the flowers, look around, and flex her fingers in between sucking.  She's the smallest of the three and is delicate with her movements.  She eats like a lady and has the quietest cry with a side of rasp. She always sucks on my face when she's hungry and I love it! 

Dale is in between Holland and Wren on the patience scale.  She's probably our best burper.  She snorts when she's hungry.  My niece early on found a freckle/mole on her scalp and we were so excited for this was a way to tell her and Wren apart.  But then we gave them their first real bath and the mole washed away.  Luckily, Dale is a few ounces bigger then Wren.  And there's something different/opposite with their nostrils if you look really really close that makes me wonder if they are mirror image twins.  But for now we are very careful not to get them mixed up.

We went to Snowbird for Oktoberfest yesterday.  2 baby wearers and 1 in a stroller...it felt good to get out!

A moment I captured of Finn playing with Wren.  It made my heart so happy.

Wren, Dale, and Holland.  Rarely awake at the same time.

Home from a Doctors appointment.  I try to remember why taking just one baby was so hard.

The most amazing photo shoot we got to be apart of!  Notice the Colum doll Finn is holding.  Can't wait to post these!

Look closely and you can see the mole to the left of Dale's bow.  The mole that washed away.

Selfie of me holding Dale at their Dr appointment

Daddy and Wren

Wren in a size Newborn, it was like a potato sack.  She's put on a few ounces since this picture.  Her yawn kills me.

Finn holding Dale
Bobbi, the best sister in law ever.  Here holding Wren.  Bobbi (Ryan's Sister) and JoAnn (Ryan's Mom) are my sanity and saving grace right now!  I don't know what I'd do without them.  One of them has been staying here and getting up for feedings, helping with cleaning and laundry.  Thank you so much ladies!
Holland Raquel

Can't believe they were all in my tummy.

My family.
***I really hope this post makes sense.  I'm obviously exhausted.  Please excuse any mistakes in all my future posts.


  1. Are you kidding? That is a Fabulous post! Thank you so much for sharing it! I won't expect anymore that long until they start preschool!

  2. I am AMAZED at this post. Oh, and I love the nod to Colum in Wren Dove's name. I love how special all of their names are. I didn't post for two weeks after my rainbow was born. And I only had one! You are one amazing mama! I love the picture of the three in carseats after a doctor appt. That is a lot of babygear in the background! Can't imagine having triplets but twins are in my prayers. Love those girls!

  3. That was indeed a great post! Finn looks so proud! The babies are just beautiful. I love how you chose their names. There is so much happiness in your house. You can see it and feel it and I know Column is there in every smile.

  4. Interesting that the identicals have four letters in each of their three names. I had wondered if that was something numerological.

  5. I haven't seen your blog for a while, just IG a lot and see your fun pics. I read a couple of past posts; I am so blown away. Man, could you write the world's most amazing story. What makes me smile from ear to ear is the way things have gone. With Ainsworth. With having a healthy pregnancy. And to have these beautiful healthy babies and you got to walk right out of the hospital with them... are you kidding me??!! To see you revel in this happiness makes me want to shout it out to the world; I am ecstatic for you and your beautiful family. You guys are something special, and you just eat up those babies and their smells and the love that is bursting your home at the seams! Very very happy for you, now I just got a part-time job so I will be busy with that and my 3 boys but I would really like to come by and say hello one of these days! I don't know if you remember meeting my friend Mirjeta at that 5k for Colum (my other friend Amy I believe has already visited you??). Mirjeta is an awesome photographer and dear friend and wanted me to ask you if it would be okay if she took some pics for you of the girls, etc. We'll have to hash out a time, but we both would LOVE to come by when it's a good time for YOU. Oh my gosh, the names are so gorgeous. Out of all of your posts, when I read the part that Ryan climbed into the hospital bed with you for a minute, and I saw that picture, it brought tears to my eyes. Such a sweet time for your family. You are in my thoughts, I hope you're staying healthy/keeping your energy up any way you can with all of the action going on! And I'd love to bring my oldest boy to hang out with Finn if he happens to be there when we decide on a visiting time. Hope you are feeling good and recovering well!

    Alisa (Barua)

  6. When I was a child, I had a tiny baby doll that I loved more than anything. Somewhere along the way, she was misplaced and it broke my heart. I have looked all over eBay, trying to find another and I never came close. Then I read this post and there she is! That amazingly alert little Wren! Lucky, lucky you to have these precious tiny girls. I hope you are healing well, your body has been through such a colossal test but the rewards are without question, worth it. Thank you for sharing with all of us. Sending my heartfelt gratitude.

  7. Hey!!! Love your blog, stranger from California, Melanie : ) Beautiful babies!!! Ok, if you have heard of Renee and Jeremy then you are even awesomer, but if not LISTEN TO THEM NOW. The most beautiful acoustic guitar children's music I've ever heard. My baby is four now, so I can still play the songs for her at night but once you hear this amazing duo...I can just see you singing these songs to your babies : ) FOR SURE listen to Night Mantra and Mama Papa Love, here's a link. Sorry, I just heard them for the first time today and then I looked at your blog immediately after and it all came together : ) Seriously though listen, they are amazing for your babies....cant WAIT for more pictures!!!!

  8. And miracle!!! Oh my goodness the song miracle!!!!!!!!!!!!! /so so sorry this is so random, but I just know you are going to love this music so much!!!!! I have read your blog and prayed for you guys and get excited when I see another post and just hope for the best for your family : )
    Melanie from Ca

  9. So Happy for you all!!! I am so glad everyone is doing well and I loved hearing the story behind their names!!!

  10. Wowzer such a beautiful family and very much loved, i was so happy to see the posts, and pictures, kelly you are amazing i cant believe that they are almost 4 weeks old its going way to fast, and i dont think we can slow the days down but i know that you would love to, i just could imagine you running wild around your house making sure all the girls get fed, and im sure finn is loving it, cant wait to see what you do for the holidays,,,,,,,,,, I am so happy for your family and i do see Colum up their with a smile from ear to ear i love it., i love everything their individual names, their little corks that you have found is that the right word? I mean it good but not sure if that is the right word for it, ssssssssssssssssooooooooooooooo hhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaapppppppppppppppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy fffffffffffffffooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrr aaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllll ooooooooooooooffffffffffffffff yyyyyyyyyyyyyyooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu THE PACK FAMILY ROCKS ON............. LOVE THE PICTURES NOW GO HUG ALL OF THEM CANT WAIT FOR MORE.

  11. I have been following your amazing family since your tragic car accident. I just wanted to say what an amazing, strong, beautiful woman you are. I cannot even begin to imagine the heartbreak you have gone through. What a blessing these three beautiful daughters are at this time. I'm certain your sweet boy is smiling down from heaven, so happy that his mama has these beautiful girls to snuggle and love! Congrats to you, your husband, both of your boys and those lucky three little girls. Sending lots of prayers your way! (I have five children, but they only came one at a time!! But I know how tiring, yet exhilarating even one baby can be....multiply that excitement and fatigue by three....hence the prayers! You'll do great!!!) Congrats again. And thanks for sharing your story of faith, perserverance, love, heartbreak and bounteous blessings!!!

  12. Your girls are perfect. They make me want another baby. I love the picture with all of them in their carseats. My favorite part is the background. The thought of having triplets scares me. I never though of having 3 swings 3 high chairs 3 bouncers LOL holy cow! When they grow out of all that stuff you are going to gain an extra 500 square feet of your house back. You are so lucky. I am so glad they are all healthy and happy. You are doing great. Let me know if there is anything I can do.

  13. My 5 year old said, "They are so cute! They are cuter than me!" :)

  14. Your family is so beautiful. I love the names and how you selected them. The girls are so cute and surely have their own little personalities. I'm so happy for you, for your whole family. When I see the pictures I just think of joy and happiness, sweetness and love. The missing of your precious Colum will always be part of your life but he's in your heart forever and will always be your son. Your family is will always be a family of 7...it is a lucky number!!!

  15. love the name information. Your family is beautiful. I'm so glad you have family to help you with the girls. Becky

  16. What an indulgent post for me! I giggled when I read about the mole washing off... and tears welled up- just like they would on a proud auntie. I'm so happy to read these special details about the girls and your life... so much love packed into your little world. What a beautiful way to live. I'll be patient for the next update- but know that you rock, are cherished, and have friends all over this tiny little world. Hug from Tokyo. xo

  17. omg Kelly, they are gorgeous!!!! That picture of Finn holding his sister is the cutest pic ever! I will be stalking your blog to see those pictures from the photo shoot. I absolutely love the Colum doll. Thanks for sharing the wonderful stories about the beautiful names you chose. It sounds like your father in law was an amazing man. Sending love your way! and you look great mama!!

  18. Holland does look like Colum! Ok... I'm going to admit that Dale for a girl wasn't my favorite... But I love that story about Ryan's dad. And just love that you named her after him (: so glad you were able to get out!

  19. Your post is perfect! You make total sense and you are an amazing, inspiring woman. What beautiful girls. It was heart touching to read how each one was named. I cannot wait to see many, many more photos. Finn smiling is the BEST!! Thank you for opening your heart with us. You inspire and touch so many. Hugs to you!!!

  20. They all have good, strong names that will set them apart, not only from each other, but from the crowd, whether kindergarten or high school or later in life. I, too, can't wait for more photos and baby details. Thank you so much for sharing.

  21. I love, love, love that you explained their names!!! Holland is my fav name for a girl...and I totally forgot that your real name is Raquel, a name I also love! And Miss Wren "Bird", so pretty. I love that her demeanor is delicate like her name. Don't worry, I got the lump in throat feeling when reading about Dale's meaning. What an awesome tribute to her grandpa! I KNEW that one had to be after someone really special. And Jane is my middle name, so of course I think it's cute. :) I'm so glad you're posting again, your princesses are beautiful and I am SO, SO happy for you! They grow too darn fast.

  22. Such a beautiful and amazing family! Thanks for sharing the meaning behind their names. I love hearing how people choose their childrens names and I love that your stories are all so special.