::pack:: of fixations



life after tragedy. living while grieving. love and triplets.

9.21.2013

My favorite drug

I was scheduled to go home on Thursday since the beginning.  You never know with triplets no matter how long you carry them when they will be able to come home.  Dale and Holland were both in the nursery so their blood sugars could be monitored closely. Late Monday night/early Tuesday morning around 1 or 2am a Pediatrician whom I'd never met came into my room along with my nurse while I was sleeping.  They woke me up very excitedly to tell me that Dale and Holland were healthy enough to be brought to my room.  I was so happy but so tired and told them to wake me up when it was time.  

I woke up around 6am or so and immediately paged my nurse wondering where my babies were.  She told me they were waiting for me to wake up and that they were on their way.  I immediately called Ryan and woke him up and he and Finn drove straight to the hospital.  I was dying to have all of us together and didn't hesitate to wake them up.

Their blood sugars stabilized and there they stayed.  At least once a day the Pediatricians would come in and check them all for jaundice.  Both my boys had  jaundice and also something called coombs disease which requires a lot of time under the billy lights.  Every time the Ped's would come into our room I braced myself for them to take the babies back into the nursery


THEY NEVER DID.

My girls never got jaundice!  Triplet preemies I would assume would definitely develop jaundice.  I couldn't believe it, can you?  They all have my blood type O+ so no Coombs.  When Thursday came around they all came home with me!  My nurse said she'd never seen a set of triplets all go home with their Mom before.  I seriously cannot believe how lucky we are.

The girls are just beautiful.  They are so sweet and precious.  I love when they are rooting around and try to suck on each other, their fingers, your face when you're burping them.  They need to eat every 3 hours and we've had a lot of help so far.  Dinners are being brought every night & our wonderful neighbors are checking up on us often.  We feel so loved right now. Thank you all for your kind comments. You've helped me through so many things and I don't know what I'd do without you guys!

I'm sure there is a scientific name for it but when I hold my babies and breathe in their sweet smell I get an overwhelming sense of love.  Not just an emotional feeling but I can actually physically feel it, it's like a drug.  I forgot all about it until now. But remember feeling this special drug after both my boys were born.  It's my favorite drug.  It's one of those things that make motherhood so special. 

It's the drug that money can't buy it's priceless.

I cried for about 10 seconds that they all came out brunette...only 10 and then I became ecstatic.  It makes Colum that much more special.  I think it was meant to be that I had 3 girls (no boys) and all brunette.  Perhaps I will never know why but it doesn't matter.  I've decided I don't believe that all things happen for a reason, I just don't, but I think this did and feel this was meant to be.  



Finn holding Wren (I think).  He's so in love and protective.  He's been the handwashing police over here and I love it.  If everybody is holding a baby he makes somebody give one up.  I'm so proud of him and love his heart.  He's looking so big to me now.
My best friend JaNae.  She was our nurse on Ortho Trauma also (and a damn good one too).  She'd stop by before work and have a quick snuggle.  Nurse turned BFF.  She's a beautiful person inside and out.  Love you girl.

                                 
                               Ryan holding Dale.  Can you tell how tiny she is with his hand right next to her?  I could just eat her up!  
Ryan crawled into my hospital bed with me and here we are holding Holland.  Love her arm behind her head.
Dale, just a little bit longer than my hand.  I cannot even tell you how much I'm loving the tiny bows that you can glue to their heads!  Loving this girl stuff, don't know what I was afraid of!


This is one of my most favorite moments in my life.  Right after all the girls and I were re-united, my nurse Ali and I fed them and then she just started laying them on me one by one.  It felt like the best drugs but x3.  They immediately just snuggled up to me like they were back in my belly.  If they were fussing at all it immediately ceased and they fell fast asleep.  Ali said it's because they knew me, could hear my heartbeat and smell me.  I just soaked it all in and we all took a 30 minute nap like this.  I could have stayed like that forever.  My heart just melts when I see this picture.  (Holland, Dale, and Wren)

Aunt Bobbi made the girls these adorable blankets and we went crazy with the bows & just died and went to heaven.  (Dale, Holland, and Wren)

Side view...I love their noses!  I love their dark hair!  I love everything!!!

Finally discharged and ready to leave.  The girls passed their car seat test with flying colors.  I still can't believe I took triplets right home with me.
This is Carly, my Aid for our last day.  She was our Aid in Ortho Trauma on floor 6 during the first week after the accident and has since transferred to L&D.  Everything is blurry so I didn't remember her but she's been following us on the blog and knew we were coming.  It's so cool that we were re-united during such a happy time.  I love meeting people that read my blog because I know that they know us and I don't have to explain everything.  Carly is in nursing school and such a happy, loving, and caring person.  Gonna be a nurse patients dream about.  Love you Carly!  Told ya I was gonna post this :)


One of my favorite nurses Ali.  She was so loving and sweet.  Here we are waiting for Ryan to pull around to get us so we could go home.  I was lucky enough to have her for 2 day in a row.  ...look how tiny my girls are!



Holland is on the left and Colum is on the right (above)

There is only room for 2 babies in the OR so Holland was immediately whisked away so I didn't get a good look at her.  Ryan went into the NICU and took this picture.  When he showed me, I just lay there on the c-section table and sobbed while they began sewing me back together.  She looked so much like him to me.

P.S. Sentencing for Thomas Ainsworth the man who hit us is on Thursday 9/26.  Ryan and I will both be speaking.  It's going to be at 9am at the Matheson courthouse at 9am.  One last time, I'm asking for prayers and happy thoughts. Of course I want him to get put away for a long time but I also want to set an example for others about what happens when you drive under the influence.  I wrote down what I am going to say last week, the day before I had my daughters.  It was hard to go there during this happy time.  One last hard thing, one more time.  deep breaths.  thank you!  xoxo

38 comments:

  1. You are simply amazing. You girls are beautiful and I am so happy for you. Bringing all 3 girls home with you couldn't happen to a more deserving person/family.

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  2. They are beautiful. A triple rainbow.

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  3. I will be praying. I have followed your blog since the begining and no one deserves this happy time more than you and your family. Your daughters are amazing and beautiful!

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  4. I still tear up every time I think about you and your family, but today my tears were from happiness. I believe in God, and I know He will be there all the way by your side bringing you so much joy. Your girls are beautiful and Finn is so handsome. I do agree that Holland looks like Colum in that picture. I knew you could go on and be happy again...my happy thoughts for you always.
    M.

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  5. Such precious, beautiful little ones. When I first saw Holland, I thout she looked like Colum, too! Thank you for always being honest about your thoughts and feelings. I will be praying for you. ♥

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  6. I love when babies put their arms behind their heads!!! So cute that Holland looks like Colum (: And so so super happy you all got to go home together!!!!!! They are adorable and you look super cute in the pix (:

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  7. Kelly if you ever need an extra baby sitter im here for you , and this couldnt of happened to a better family, loving the girls they are so cute, i am sending a surprise too you for the girls is their anything you need that you dont have. Please let me know. I am so happy they got to go home, finn is loving his baby sisters, this time last week you were getting ready for a c-section i can not believe they are a week old congrats to the pack family and their names say it all. Congratulations. And that thomas guy can rot in hell. Deep breaths and prayers coming your way. Love you guys.....

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  8. Thank you for sharing so many pics of the family! It does our hearts good to see you and Ryan so happy. Happiness is hard to come by after loosing a little one and it can feel so temporary. It's great to see one of the girls reminds you of Colum. What a sweet little look they both share!

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  9. Tears just fell as I sat here staring at the beautiful black & white of you holding your precious angels... What a giant blessing from Heaven. <3

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  10. They are so beautiful, Kelly. I am so, so happy for you!!!!! I would love to come see them :) Love, Melissa

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  11. You just made my day with this very happy update!

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  12. We don't know each other, but I've been following your blog and your journey. I am so, so happy for you all. I just sit here and smile now that your girls are here.

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  13. What a fabulous post and incredible outcome that far exceeded anything anyone could've hoped for. Absolutely amazing! Not a word about yourself, though, Kelly. How are you recovering okay from the C-section? When you get a chance, please tell us how you arrived at the names. They do seem to fit the girls. We are loving the updates, thanks so much.

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  14. I can't believe they all came home with you.
    I can't believe how beautiful they are.
    I can't believe how much she looks like Colum.

    I am so happy that you were blessed times 3.
    Your family will always be so dear to me,
    And i will never be able to wait for your blog to load, without seeing Colum's face
    and saying a prayer for all 7 of you.

    I <3 Colum, Foreva'.
    --Amy

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  15. They are seriously three of the most beautiful babies I have EVER seen in my life!!! The picture of you and the three of them belongs in a magazine. I LOVE how Holland looks so much like her big brother Colum. My son's hair was almost black when he was born and when he was 1 it was blond... :-) Sending lots of love your way! Such a beautiful family and I am sooooo happy for you all!!! I just keep thinking back to your 6 pink lines post and I am so so so glad these three little precious girls are here today. It is amazing and meant to be that they all got to go home with you!!!

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  16. These are such precious pictures. Gorgeous babies! I love your writings and still do think you should write a book.
    I am so happy for you and your family! What a miracle! Your family is dear to me as well. I have followed your blog from the beginning and think of you often.

    Just so happy for your happiness!!

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  17. Kelly, you are an amazingly strong woman. You will have my prayers with you. Your daughters are so gorgeous!! The gell stuff they give you to make the bows stick doesn't always work, but a little corn syrup and it will hold all day. I just love baby bows too they are so tiny!!! Any boys better watch out, Finn looks like he is one protective big brother. Congrats, they are all beautiful, I hope you are getting some help with them if not I volunteer!!! I had twin boys but they started school this year. Nothing like snuggling a new one.

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  18. Oh wow....such a beautiful family. I love the picture of you with all of them...well all the pictures because they show all the love and happiness. The little triple burrito picture is sure cute!! It will be fun for you to see how the girls develop their own little personalities. I am so happy for you Kelly and for Finn and your husband. What a relief and joy it must be for you. I can tell from your posts how happy you are right now...the love never ends and it will keep growing day by day. I will keep you in my prayers for Thursday for the sentencing. Be brave when its your turn to speak...you've been brave all along...you can do it!! You're almost done having to think about him. I too hope others will see that making decisions you THINK will only effect yourself is not true. Those poor decisions can effect others for life. Again, so so happy for you and your precious family. Those 3 beauties straight from heaven are breathtaking!!

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  19. Congratulations on your 3 beautiful daughters!! They are 3 little miracles and I'm sure their big brother played a big part in that. You will stay in my prayers...

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  20. What gorgeous baby girls! What an incredible blessing that they are all healthy, and all were able to go home with you. Many miracles. So happy for you and your beautiful family.

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  21. They are so cute! Congrats again :)

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  22. So happy for you, so happy for Finn, he looks in love with his sisters, and you are right Holland looks a lot like Colum, I'm very happy you were able to leave the hospital with all three babies together!!! that's amazing! you won't need to go to the hospital to take care of any of them while taking care of one of them in your house, you have them all 3 to enjoy together at home! I can't wait to see how they grow together, how Finn will help them as the big brother he is to discover the world, very happy for your family!

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  23. Congratulations on your beautiful, beautiful little girls!! Oh, I cannot get enough pictures of the three of them. What a lucky momma and how lucky your children are to have you as their mother. I am so happy for you.

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  24. Here's the deal, Kelly. I totally love you. I love your family. This entire post made me cry happy tears. You all deserved a break. Taking home your girls all at the same time on Thursday was how it should be. You didn't get to bring Colum home after the accident, so somehow, some way, you were given this break. You all deserve to be together, not split up with some of you still in the hospital (we both know how hard that is).

    I'll be thinking of you Thursday, and eagerly anticipating the outcome you're hoping for.

    Oh and oxytocin = the love hormone! It's the same reason why people get sleepy-happy when holding babies!

    PS- I have nurses turned BFFs too. Aren't they THE BEST!?!

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  25. Congratulations!!! I just found your blog about a month ago, As i was reading today I saw my daughter was your nurse, Ali, glad she took such good care of you and your darling babies!

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  26. Reading your blog just makes me feel filled with love. Those girls are beautiful and big brother is so proud! Good luck on Thursday - I know you can do it! My prayers continue for you to be strong. Love those little girls and their big brother.

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  27. love love love that black and white pic of you and your girlies! you all deserve this happy time for your family! my thoughts and prayers for you on Thursday!
    thanks for sharing your life, thoughts, pics :)

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  28. Hi there! I'm Heather- I have a question about your blog. Could you please email me when you get a chance?! HVSJ12@gmail.com

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  29. sending prayers!!! Your girls are just beautiful!!!!

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  30. Simply gorgeous!! All Four girls:-). I love all these pictures and seriously such beautiful babies! And what a truly amazing miracle to have them healthy and well enough to all go home together and so quickly.

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  31. Holy cow. I just checked in with you and saw this post. I have to say once again that God is so good. Your family is beautiful. I cannot believe the girls didn't have to spend any time in the hospital. I think they have a very special angel. I will continue to pray for you. Keep up the awesome work.

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  32. The perfect blessing of this ALL just gives me the chills. beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful

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  33. The picture of you with all 3 girls laying on you is absolutely beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes.

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  34. We are sending up lots of good thoughts for you today! Hope everything goes exactly how you want it to.

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  35. I am so happy for you Kelly. I think this happened for a reason too :) How wonderful it all turned out, you are very deserving of all these little miracles. Your daughters are beautiful! They are so lucky to have such a great mom. Hugs to each and every one of you!

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  36. Just saw a picture of your sweet little dove and saw the news that the guy responsible will get up to 45 years. I know that unfortunately with our system he will probably be out much sooner than this but I am glad that he is serving time and that your family was not put through a lengthy trial. I hope that you can put him to the side as much as you can and focus on your beautiful family. I know that you will never be able to put him completely behind you, how can you forget someone that stole something so precious from you, but he truly is not worth another thought.
    Keeping your sweet little (big :) ) family in my thoughts. Best wishes

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  37. Unrelated to this post: I just saw the story about the sentencing on KSL. I am so, so sorry you had to go through that. But so glad it is done and that, what seams like a fair sentence, was handed down, that YOU are not responsible for. I am sure that you have very mixed feeling about forgiving and all that but I am glad you got a judge who made, what seems like, a good decision. I hope you are at peace with the results and can just enjoy your now bigger family and find joy in the sweet memories you have of your angle Colum! Prayers for you and your family ALWAYS!!! Karen C

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  38. Hi Kelly! You probably don't remember me, but you did my eyebrows before my wedding 4 1/2 years ago. I have been following your blog and am so absolutely thrilled for your baby girls!!! My heart still breaks for you that Colum isn't with you. I sobbed so hard when I watched his funeral video that my husband came into the room completely alarmed wondering if I was dying. And I'm sure my grief for you is not even remotely comparable to what you feel. I can't even imagine. But I am so so happy for you to have tiny ones to hold again and hope that their perfect little souls will help to fill the hole left in your heart. Of course he won't be replaced - he could never be replaced. But what a wonderful miracle your girls - and YOU! - are.

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