::pack:: of fixations



life after tragedy. living while grieving. love and triplets.

9.10.2013

35 weeks!

taken on Sunday...35 weeks here!

Only 4.33 days left!  I just got home from my 2nd to last NST (stress test).  

It's funny, we are used to just the 3 of us now.  Our (living) family is going to double in just a few days.  For some reason I'm nervous about the whole c-section part.  The last 2 times after they finished stitching me up and wheeled me into my room the same thing happens.  Everybody leaves the room and suddenly the spinal wears off and extreme pain kicks in.  The first time this happened I couldn't reach the call button and I couldn't move to reach it because I couldn't move my legs.  I'm also already irritated that I will barely get a glimpse of these little darlings right after they are pulled from my womb and it will be hours before I will get to see or hold them again.  It takes at least 45 minutes for them to stitch you back up and I just sit there wondering if my baby(s) is alive.  When we had Colum we were prepared for it, so Ryan could at least text me lots of pictures of him and tell me that he was healthy. 

I'm just not very patient.

I'm imagining that when I'm holding one I will be wanting to hold the other two too.  My heart is going to be scattered all over the place.  For this reason I really hope that none of them need to stay in the NICU, and they can all be in the same place.  

Today as I walked into the rotating doors of the hospital and stepped into the lobby there was a woman about 2 steps behind me and I could just feel her staring at me.  I walk really slow so she was forced to pass me.  Shortly after she picked up her pace and got way ahead of me.  She then sat on a bench facing my direction and I know it was so she could get a really good look at me.  This doesn't make me angry at all because I know I would want to stare too.  People for the most part don't say anything but I can almost tell that most of the time they want to.  If I could hold a straight face the next time somebody asked me if I was about ready I would say ready for what?  or why?... do you think I'm pregnant or something.  Just for a moment, just to pull their leg but I would start laughing before I finished the sentence.  


All of my Dr appointments are at our hospital.  Its really nice because shortly after pulling in you are greeted by a valet parking attendant for they offer free valet parking.  Sometimes after I hand over the keys and step onto the asphalt I hear a helicopter either coming or going on top of the highest parking garage.  You cannot see them, you can only hear them.  It's something I know I'd be completely oblivious to prior to a year and a half ago.  It's something I know a lot of people are probably oblivious to.  

I always take a moment to say a quiet little prayer for whomever is inside, and another little prayer that its not a baby or a child.  If Finn is there we talk about it, and hope everybody is okay.  I also take a moment to be thankful for the people on the rescuing end of things.  It's always a reminder for me to be grateful for how far we've come.  Things aren't perfect, this weather is making for some painful days for me and we are realizing Ryan will never have the energy he used to.  But, we can walk and wipe our own bums.  Today there was a helicopter running while I was leaving.  I was overwhelmed by emotions and shed tears for whomever needed rescuing.  Tonight I just want to snuggle with Finn and Ryan in bed and watch a kid movie, just the 3 of us.


We've overcome a lot together.  
Things are going to be different soon.

And we are so ready!  

This may be my last post until the girls are here <---aaagh!  girls!  as in my 3 daughters!  But I promise you if everything goes smoothly I will do a quick post from my phone with or without pictures...maybe while I'm laying there while they're sewing me up or when I'm all by myself in my room (wink wink).  Thank you so much for all the love and support you all have shown us through everything.  I couldn't have done it without you!  xoxo

Update: I had my last growth scan on Friday and the girls measured as follows:
Baby A 4lbs 9 oz
Baby B 4lbs 3 oz
Baby C 4lbs 3 oz
They should gain about an oz/day...can't wait to see how much they weigh!

61 comments:

  1. I'm always so excited when the ticker shows a new post from you - and the next one will (probably) be you announcing the birth of your girls! Best, best wishes for a safe and joyful birth. From following your life here I just know you are going to rock this mommy to triplet stuff. Hugs to you, Ryan, Finn and your daughters. Gail

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  2. Know that you are loved, we honestly do care, and we wish you a safe and easy delivery and three healthy little girls to melt your heart.

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  3. You look beautiful!!! I just love that you have had an such a wonderful pregnancy! I can't wait to get your next post, praying for an easy delivery! I just can't imagine what you must be thinking, 3 babies!!! woo hoo! God Bless! Love from Colorado

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  4. Oh, my gosh, I just keep thinking about that nurse who was so negative about your trying to carry all three. I hope you run into her again sometime and get to fill her in with your happy news. You look so madonna peaceful and strong. My congrats to your mother, too, for giving you a body (and mind) strong enough for everything you've been through. Amazing, just amazing! I can't wait to read the news, and Finn is going to be SO MUCH help! Love and best wishes to all of you!

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  5. I can say maybe people stare at you because you are such an amazing person. For someone who follows your blog I saw you at Cheesecake last week and I stared at you because your such an amazing person who has overcome soooo many obstacles but still have a great attitude about life. My husband thought I was crazy for freaking out because I saw you and wanted to so badly come say hi to you. Your like a celebrity around here!! :) Best of luck with your 3 little ones and I can't wait to see pictures.

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  6. I am so excited for you! Enjoy these last few days of being a family of three, a family of boys.

    I can't wait to hear about your daughters.

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  7. Best wishes for you and your 3 baby girls! I am so excited for you. Thanks for sharing.

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  8. Best wishes and hugs to your "guys" and can't wait to see those precious little girls. Take care . I have love following your post, and thanks for sharing. Much love from Florida

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  9. You look absolutely gorgeous! Way to make it to 35 weeks! So happy for your family.

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  10. You are a ROCK STAR mama! Wishing you a smooth delivery and fast recovery. Can't wait to see those sweet girls :-)

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  11. That is such an impressive belly!!! 35weeks....you are truly a super hero to all of us!!! Can't wait to meet the girls!! My sister just had her baby today, and I thought of you!!

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  12. I really do think you look amazing! So beautiful! Prayers for your sweet baby girls, for you and for Finn and your hubby!

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  13. So, so happy for you, excited for you, inspired by you. Have a wonderful birthday on Sunday! I have twins that were born at 35 weeks and spent a couple of weeks in the NICU due to VERY common feeding issues. They were both perfectly healthy, but it took them a bit to figure out the eating part. At first I was crushed and felt like I failed them. Then I realized that they were in wonderful hands, and that I desperately needed time to recover before being responsible for the feedings every the hours (due to their prematurity), the diapers, etc. I had forgotten how much your body goes through during child birth! I went to the hospital to see my babies every day, but it was a blessing in disguise because we were ALL getting exactly what we needed during that time. When they came home (one at a time), I was rested, healed and ready to go. I know your situation is totally different, but I just wanted to share this with you in the event they do need to spend just a bit of time in the NICU. Of course you want then home with you right away...but if they need a little assistance, it may be what you need, too, to get your strength up to care for your new angels. :-)

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  14. Wow - I don't think you look like you're having triplets! You look awesome. I have to agree with all the other comments say - you are just an amazing person and I'm so happy you have these little girls joining your family. I also want to acknowledge the pain I felt for you as you mentioned little heartache reminders like the sound of helicopters and the way the change of seasons is bringing back memories. I lost a baby girl a few years ago and things like that can pierce your heart before you even realize exactly why it is hurting so much, what the trigger is. My daughter passed away in the winter and I remember the next year when it first snowed I was just amazed at the flood of memories coming back so quickly. It was kind of crippling - I was just unprepared for it I guess. She was life-flighted so the sounds of the helicopters have the same effect on me now. It's no longer "Hey kids - look, a helicopter", it's now the awful realization that someone's life has just drastically changed. I just wanted to let you know that I see the pain in what you wrote and my heart just aches for you. Be patient with yourself this winter as your little boy's one year angel day draws near. Oh how I wish the next few months could just be a glorious time of celebration over your new baby girls! But I can only imagine the bitter-sweet emotions you will experience as your heart is overflowing with the new children you have, but so desperately missing Colum as the same time. My daughter was 8 months, and I had a baby boy just 5 months after she passed away. I was in heaven having a little one to hold and love again, but my heart just ached as memories came back to me with how adorable my baby girl was and just how much I wished to have her back. Sorry this is long, just wanted to let you know you are loved and there are others that see glimpses of the pain you share and know just how huge those heartaches are to live with. Love you - and thanks for sharing your sweet family with the rest of us.

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  15. I am so excited for you!!! You look absolutely radiant and beautiful in every way. Prayers that all will go safe and wonderful Sunday for you and your sweet little girls.

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  16. You look beautiful, and so at peace. I'm so impressed that you have made it to 35 weeks and not even on bed rest. I wish you a safe delivery. Enjoy those three baby girls. You will be an awesome girl mom, just like you're already an awesome boy mom! Finn must be so excited, and Colum is smiling down at you all. Best wishes to your new, expanded family! Please post pictures as soon as you can...I can't wait to see your little sweethearts!

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  17. Kelly,

    Your sweet Mom-in-Law is a long and dear friend and work associate to our family. Good luck on your delivery! We will pray for you as a family! Three little girls...it's amazing and beyond a miracle. Just think...those precious girls have lived on those once, hurting and sickened kidneys...and now, they support 4 lives!!! (Yours and theirs)

    As for the C-Section pain, I hear you. I have had three C-Sections. I got the best advice after my first one, "Get ahead of the pain!"

    So, I ask for my pain medicine once off the table and before I am even to recovery. It seems to work. I am groggy, but it beats that sudden overwhelming pain. Try it...

    We all send our love,

    Diane

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  18. So excited!!! Cannot wait to see pictures! And find out how much they weigh...that's too funny about people starring at your belly (:

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  19. Best wishes Sweetie. Cant wait to see pictures!
    Donna.

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  20. My prayers are with you. It is so exciting. I'm looking forward to seeing those precious miracles and hear all about them. I find myself holding my breath while I read your post. I guess it's the anticipation of the births. Good luck, sweet mama. We're all praying for you and the family. I can't wait to see Finn's expressions. He's about to become a big bother to three sisters! WOW!

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  21. Good luck with delivery. Praying for 3 healthy girls! So glad your pregnancy has been so great! Can't wait to "meet" your girls!

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  22. You look GREAT! All belly, no wonder everyone stares!!!
    Praying for you & the girls from TX! Yeehaw on a safe delivery!

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  23. This is beyond exciting!!!
    I pray everything goes perfectly, and that your little girls come covered in Colum kisses.
    Also, praying you feel him extra close that day.
    Like, maybe in the quiet, scary, alone time.....
    Yes.
    Then.
    I pray he's with you then.
    I will be checking your blog like a maniac.
    Can't wait to see who they look like!! :)
    Good luck.
    I TRULY can't believe you are so close!!!

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  24. You make carrying triplets look so easy! I love how up beat and positive you have been about the pregnancy, when surely it has not been all easy and fun. Good luck with the surgery, and the health of your precious wee ones. Can't wait to hear their names.

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  25. What a blessing God has given you to be able to carry these girls this long, and with such great health. I had my twins a year ago. It is such an overwhelming and awesome experience to be a MOM. Best wishes to you and your tinys.

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  26. Absolutely beautiful!!!

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  27. You look great! I would never guess there are 3 of them growing in there. We are so excited for you.
    On another note, years ago we moved up to the avenues in S.L., before there was Intermountain Medical Center. Within the first few days I was stunned and deeply saddened by the number of helicopters we would hear going to LDS, U of U and Primary's hospitals. My husband so beautifully reminded me that they do not transport deceased people by helicopter, they transport them to save theirs lives. My heart always aches that anyone is in that position, but now I look at it different and am so glad they are doing what they are doing. I hope this helps!
    I so wanted to get something in the mail to you before your angels arrive, but the peaches ripened and wouldn't wait to be canned. Please have someone check your p.o.box after the babies come!

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  28. I'm very excited for you :) You look beautiful...good luck with the delivery!!!

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  29. hey kelly,
    I met you a couple weeks ago at the hospital. I work on Maternal newborn care and the intermediate nursery. we will make sure all 4 of you are very well taken care of! I am so excited for you. Love your blog and your story.:)
    Karli

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  30. you are AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!! The fact that you are 35 weeks and can still stand up and look cute....is just amazing! I had my twins at 35 weeks, was on bedrest for a month before that and was so full of water that I couldn't even see cause my eyes were bloated! So yes, you are freaking awesome!!!!! I can't wait to hear all about the girls and how everything goes. Praying for you guys and that you get to take them home soon!!!! Good luck!

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  31. Oh yay! It's so close! Crazy. Can't wait to see these beautiful girls.

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  32. You are seriously a rock star! I'm sure everything will go perfect but wanted to send you a good luck anyway!

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  33. Kelly!! OMG! I am so excited for these girls to come. This pregnancy has been miraculous! Enjoy your last few days together just the three of you and then let the adventure begin! Wow, inching their way up to 5 lbs each. They are going to do great. I know what you mean about waiting to hold them. I had to wait for 24 hours to see and hold the twins because I had that bleeding episode and they were in the nicu so they couldn't come to me. I was dying to see and hold them and they weren't even mine! hahaha I hope your wait is short and you get to snuggle those cuties quickly :) Good Luck and thank you so much for being such a huge support to me, especially this week! You've done a stellar job gestating those babies, now for the pay off :) Love and Hugs to you... Heidi

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  34. Oh my gosh Kelly, you are amazing!!! I am so excited for your three baby girls...can't wait to see picutres!!! Good luck and I will be thinking of you this Sunday!!!

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  35. I felt strongly that I should share this with you. Delayed cord clamping is something I didn't even know about a little over a year ago when I was pregnant with my second. It has huge benefits, especially for smaller babies. Please watch this short video http://www.drgreene.com/the-most-important-90-seconds-in-every-pregnancy/
    So excited to see these sweet baby girls!

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  36. Congrats - can't believe it's almost time for the babies! Hoping the delivery goes smoothly for all 4 (!!) of you and that you're with your girls quickly. Praying for you all :)

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  37. You are one awesome baby incubator!!! When people stare, don't you want to say "there's three in there and I have one at home and one in heaven so give me a break wooodjah???" Well those baby girls are almost here. I can't wait to see them and hear about them. Think pink and happy thoughts.

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  38. Kelly, there are no words to describe the happiness I feel for you and Ryan. I will wait with the greatest of anticipation for your next post. Please know that there are so many prayers and blessings being sent your way. Oh and definitely check the post office box. Ryan may have quite the haul to bring home. Isn't love grand. Huggs from Atlanta Ga.

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  39. FYI, your babies might be right there with you since you are delivering at 36 weeks. I delivered at 36.1. Two of the babies stayed in the OR and were brought over for me to see them and my husband to hold after the initial clean up. My son was across the hall only because there wasn't room for him in the OR. All 4 of us went to the recovery room together and I held my babies as soon as we were settled. I would ask exactly what the procedure is going to be for your babies assuming they don't need an initial NICU visit. Although one of mine did end up going to the NICU for a week, it was after the recovery room stay. Also, ask for a pain pump you can push yourself for the first few hours after. No reason to be in pain like that.

    I can't wait to see pictures and hear the names of your sweet girls. You have done great mama!

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  40. you look FABULOUS!!!! Big brother Colum is going to be watching over his three baby sisters on the 15th! I will be sending love & prayers to you and your family! I cannot wait to hear their names!!!! :-)

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  41. Kelly, you're beautiful! You probably don't remember me but I used to get my eyebrows done by you when you worked at Nordstrom's and at your AF home. (Still haven't found anyone as good as you, fyi.) Been following your blog and loving all of it! Good luck with all the new and exciting changes coming up real soon :)

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  42. Can't wait!!! Good Luck with it all and prayers your way!
    And you do look totally amazing!

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  43. You just look to awesome. Keeping you all covered in prayers as you wait for your sweet girls to arrive

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  44. OMG...You look great! It's funny, because you're so little and there is nowhere for those babies to go other than out. You look adorable! I can imagine Colum bonding with his sisters right now and seeing them off on their birthday! I know he'll be there with you. It's going to be such a special day. Good luck Kelly!

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  45. BEST OF LUCK CUTE MOMMA!!!!! Ohhhh I can not wait!!!! And you really do look great! :)

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  46. P:raying so hard for you and your baby girls.
    Looking forward to your news that they are born. crying and healthy.
    So proud of you and what you have accomplished with this pregnancy.
    Your body is strong and your will is even stronger
    May the almighty God protect you through this birth.
    Take lots of pictured...........
    Looking for some smiling faces.
    Linda Miller
    South Carolina

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  47. Good gracious! I think I might just hold my breath until the girls arrive and you let us know. You'll be so busy... I KNOW it. But, man oh man, is this just the most exciting thing ever or what?! Love, hugs, and very best well wishes from Tokyo. xo

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  48. You look great! Seriously! I can't believe you made it to 36 weeks with triplets..wow! I will be praying for a safe delivery of your little miracles and be stalking your blog for an announcement. Can't wait to hear their names also. Good luck, Kelly.

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  49. Good luck! I am so excited for you!

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  50. Good Luck this weekend missie! We are praying and cheering for you!

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  51. Sending prayers to you for 3 healthy baby girls to be delivered safely, and for your health and healing. So excited for your family and this beautiful amazing time in your lives!
    Blessings to all of you,
    Kathy

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  52. Tomorrow, tomorrow...
    Three baby girls...
    Tomorrow...
    It's only a day away!

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  53. Open open open, i cant wait tell tomorrow i will
    Be waiting for any new posts kelly i am so excited for you and cant wait i hope and pray for a speedy recovery and 4 you to be able 2 briing those babys home.

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  54. I can hardly stand the wait. I am so unspeakably happy for you and your family. I know your darling Colum has his hands in this. I believe it so strongly. I am so happy for your family who has suffered right along with you. Grandmas, Grandpas, Aunties and Uncles, cousins and close friends, all suffering the worst pain imaginable. I am a complete stranger who has been reading since that precious boy of yours died, who had prayed and dreamed and dared to hope for you. And tomorrow it all comes true. No one baby, or three for that matter, can or will ever make up for the loss of your beloved son. But they can teach you that there is redemption and yes, even joy again in this life. God bless you and your family tomorrow. God I CANNOT wait!

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  55. You look amazing! You, your baby girls and all your family will be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow. I know the girls have a VERY special angel that will be helping them arrive safely tomorrow! I can't wait to see you have a new post!!

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  56. Good luck tomorrow!!! We are all so excited to see the new additions to your sweet family. God bless you all!

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  57. Best wishes for tomorrow. So you excited for you, Ryan and Finn to meet your three little girls and I know Colum will be right beside you.

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  58. Lurker here but wanted to say I am soooo excited for you tomorrow! I cannot wait to see your precious girls!

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  59. Call me. So super excited foe this wonderful family its only7:30 in the morning and its today and im already checking lol I CAN NOT WAIT IAM PRAYING 4 U TOO DAY FOR A WONDERFUL DAY AND PRAY EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT AWESOME

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