::pack:: of fixations

life after tragedy. living while grieving. love and triplets.


sugar babies

I took my first glucose test and failed.  Then I took the 3 hr fasting glucose test...and failed.  I am the lucky owner of the diagnosis gestational diabetes.  Kinda crappy.  I guess you are 2-3 times more likely to get GD when you are pregnant with multiples.  Mo placentas Mo problems.  

I get to prick my fingers 4 times/day and watch what I eat.  I'm also to meet with a dietician early this week.  I'm worried because most the time I just don't feel like eating and I may have to force myself to.  I'm super high maintenance when I'm pregnant when it comes to food.  Cooking completely grosses me out, so we eat out a lot.  Something will sound good like Thai food and as soon as we get in the car and start driving there I get nauseous just thinking about Thai food.  But usually when I walk in and smell it, it's edible.  I get really excited when anything sounds good because it's rare.  

I remember Ryan getting so frustrated with my pregnant ways when I was pregnant with Colum.  Finn was at such a hard age to eat out with.  He'd poor salt and pepper on the table and just eat it (he loved condiments) and make a huge scene.  Colum wasn't as hard, he loved to eat.  

Every time we go out to eat I look around the restaurant and try to envision my future family of 6, 3 of which are in high chairs walking in to dine.  Most places have tables of 4 that fits their floor plan perfectly, all neatly set & ready with perfectly folded napkins... but when we walk in that will quickly get disrupted for they will have to push 2 tables together to seat all of us.  I imagine Ryan carrying 2 carseats in and I carrying 1 while also holding Finn's hand.  I'm sure our waiter will roll his eyes when we are sat in his section as we are busting out the bottles and/or cheerios.  Some one will indefinitely be crying.  There will be talk in the back-

you guys the triplets are here again. 
what? there are triplets here?
They take up two tables in my section every time ugh.

And as they grow older we are going to have to keep track of where kids eat free and when, just so we can afford to go out sometimes.  

But sometimes when I'm able to imagine past the fear of it all I smile.  I am so happy they will always have some one to play with.  One of the very hardest parts of losing Colum is watching Finn play by himself every day.  I know siblings fight but those two never did.  Colum would smack Finn around a bit and pull his hair but Finn could take it.  I often wonder who Finn would be now if Colum had never died.  I think he'd be less cautious and come out of his shell a little more. I think there would be more laughter and fighting over toys.  I'm so excited to have that once again under my roof.  

missing this smile and this face hard this morning.

We were later told while we were in the hospital it was hard to get Finn to take a bath because he would scream and scream which is really not like him.  I think it was because he used to always take a bath with Colum.

apparently I was eating salad for dinner that night.


  1. Your baby girls will be so adorable (Finn and Colum prove you only know how to make cute kids)that the restaurant will be giggling to see you again. Yes, they may make some mess and some noise, but the cute factor will win out. Hope your gestational diabetes can stay under control. Just hang in there a few more weeks!
    I never know whether to hope that one of the girls is blonde and looks like Colum or if that would be nice or painful for you. Guess they will look like they are supposed to....

  2. Kelly you are an amazingly, theirs not one day that goes that i take a look at your blog too see if or what you have typed, i have followed your blog ever since the accident and like i say you and your family are amazing and in my prayers, keep baking those babies and i cant wait to see pictures, who they look like, and their names, its so exciting i love your pictures keep on keeping on and rest and relax and really watch the gestational diabetas, thanks for the new info and im glad you are being watched very carefully... loves, hugs, and kisses thanks

  3. Your boys are beyond precious!! I looove when you post pictures of them! I cannot wait for your girls to arrive. You are doing such a great job and only have a little bit to go. Thinking of you & your family. It's impossible to forget Colum's smile...I know he is smiling down at all of you every single day. I wanted to share this site w/ you (although I may have already done so in the past). You have so much in common with the mom who writes this blog...


  4. Oh Kelly.I love you and your creative imaginative description of the "talk in the back". You're the best.I cannot wait to hear the good news.hang in there with the diet. That would be like a death sentence for me. ;-)

  5. :) We hit the kids eat free nights ALL.THE.TIME!!
    The pictures of the boys are so precious.
    I can't wait to see Finn with the girls.
    I love Colum's squinty eyes.

  6. Yay for hitting 30 weeks. :) Your boys are adorable... As I'm sure your girls will be. We haven't ventured off to restaurants yet, but we totally will be THAT family too :) Can't wait to get the stares. Ill make sure to tip well haha..

  7. Thanks for updating the blog so we (your cheer squad!) know you are doing as ok as a Mum of triplets can be doing at this point. I survived my first pregnancy on garlic bread and corn chips. I remember crying to my obstetrician that my mother-in-law gave me a book about eating organic. He told me he through the book should be shredded and whatever I could keep down was FINE by him. Take as good care of yourself as you possibly can and know that many people are cheering you on!

    Michelle (Brisbane, Australia)

  8. Atlanta Ga is cheering you on. Everyday someone in the office asks if you have a new post up. We quickly break to all go read them. I am so happy things are going as well as expected and cant wait for the grand entry. You are blessed. Rainbows after a storm are meaningful.

  9. Kelly, I have followed your blog since the day I met you on the 6th floor at the U. I don't expect you would remember me as it was only 2 days after the accident, but I had the pleasure (haha) of being you and Ryan's phlebotomist. I remember thinking how together you both seemed after what you had been through. I cried when I left your room because my heart ached for you and your family. I have followed your journey since that day and am so happy to see you guys have some happiness coming your way!
    I too have GD and this is my 3rd pregnancy with it. My first one wasn't so bad, I just watched what I ate and took a little walk every night. (I know you may not be able to do that part)My 2nd one was alot harder and involved insulin (this one too). Anyways, I just wanted to say that it sucks to have it but you can survive it and lucky for you you are so close to the end of this pregnancy that just about the time you get the hang of it it will all be over. Cheering for you and those little girls!!

  10. Oh Kelly....pictures of Colum that I have never seen. He is such an adorable baby. I bet the girls will have his spirit inside them and share it with you every day. Of course if you get a blondie you will know he had something to do with it! As for going out with a large family I know what you mean. I am the mother of five and my youngest three are only 1 year apart each..so it is often times triple the work, effort etc. They all wear diapers, they eat the same food, they play with the same toys...two of them wear the same size clothes...it has to be similar to having triplets I imagine. Somehow we manage going out in public. Yes, someone often cries or has a meltdown...there are usually cheerios or Puffs left behind and spoons on the floor and one thousand napkins that we asked for the waiter to bring used, but at the end of the day it is all worth it. I got a great stroller which was super expensive but definitely a MUST have and I use the heck out of it. I just put on a smile and tell the people who give us the evil eye that children are a blessing and one day they wont live with me and one day they wont make messes in restaurants and one day they will be potty trained and would rather be out with friends than with me. So don't worry friend what others think...you already know what the sound of losing a child is like....its deafening. You GO out and you LET them make a mess while they are eating and you DONT apologize for a big happy family. You just BE YOU!! Meredith

  11. Oh my...the pictures are just...well, I had to dry my tears looking at how cute those two boys are. Sorry you have the gestational diabetes. Sounds like you are top of it though. I'm with the others...it is always a challenge to go to a restaurant with kids but who cares...I don't...and my son (when he was little) and now my grandson could disrupt everyone's meal with their antics!! Still love them and all precious little ones. Take care!! Can't wait to see your baby girls.

  12. This blogger has a story with man similarities to yours. She also lost a child and had triplet girls. I thought you might enjoy it: http://thegreatumbrellaheist.blogspot.com/p/about-me.html

  13. I had my twins a month ago, and also had gestational diabetes. It was overwhelming at first, but it gets better. Though at times I hated the strict diet, I also learned a lot, and gained very little weight. Hang in there! Those babes will be here before you know it!

  14. That's so cute about Finn and the monkeys... So glad he has them and that he remembers. Hope these last weeks of pregnancy aren't too rough (: