::pack:: of fixations

life after tragedy. living while grieving. love and triplets.



A friend commented on my IG saying she'd recently come across an old picture.  I asked her to email it to me.  I don't have very many pictures of both my boys and I.  I cherish them.  Even though it's blurry I love it so much that he is smiling.  Miss you baby!  Note: if you have any pictures of people's loved ones that have passed, passing them along can be the greatest gift you could ever imagine.  Just do it, I promise it will make their month!  Thank you Amber!

Profile pics of baby A and C...didn't get one of B (but I assume it looks a lot like C).    The twins are looking so much like the boys!  Baby A looks like a petite little elf to me.  Oh my gosh I'm so in love with them I can hardly stand it!  I'm already dying at how cute they are.

Ry cooking breakfast for everybody while camping.  He picked out that hat for himself on our way and I had mixed feeling about it until I saw him wearing it cooking the next morning.  Love this man!
My niece and nephew brought their slack line.  They are more like Aunts and Uncles to my kids.  Finn worships Uncle Sky-yer.  I absolutely love Finn's smile!

I hate pictures of myself when I'm pregnant but this time I'm just gonna do it.  Besides it might make for some awesome birth control someday for my daughters.  I know my belly doesn't look big here but it is.  I needed serious help getting out of this thing.  Check out my normal looking hair too :)

Thank you for all your love on my last post.  I'm extremely emotional.  I cry everyday, multiple times a day.  Grieving is my friend, my companion, he's always there.  He comes out in different ways all the time.  Sometimes when I look at Finn I tear up.  I'm still so grateful he's okay.  He's absolutely beautiful, I love him so much, and I can't believe he's mine.

We went camping with Ryan's side of the family last weekend and it went by way too fast!  We love camping, there's nothing better.  If we could go every weekend we would.  Every year movies get left in the trailer all Winter.  Lion King was one of many this time.  When Finn saw it he said Remember I got that when I pooped on the potty?...When Colum was here.  I vaguely remembered.  I can't believe he can still remember that.  It was so long ago.  I know it makes him happy to have little memories like that about Colum.  Once upon a time when he had a little brother that lived with us.

Now back to the grind of things.  We are busy preparing for the 5k.  I can't believe it's only 17 days away.  We hope to get more registrations by then.  If you were planning on registering please do it soon. To go to the site click here.

Our new house is slowly coming along.  The people who lived in it before smoked in the attached garage and the smells seeped in.  And I'm happy to report the cigarette smell is gone.

It's been good and bad living without most of our stuff.  I didn't think it would take this long for our house to get done so I didn't pack very smart. I want to get rid of a lot of stuff, especially now that we won't have a basement to hide stuff away anymore.  At the same time 3 babies requires so much, I have a feeling our house is going to look pretty cluttered for a couple of years.  I'm getting a strong urge to start nesting and it's so hard because I can't.  

My last Dr appointment was almost 2 weeks ago.  The girls were all perfect.  They are measuring perfect and are so cute.  My Dr even told me that this is a picture perfect triplet pregnancy and I'm a picture perfect triplet carrier...as of right now.  I go back again on Friday and I hope everything stays picture perfect.  

I went to the grocery store on Thursday to pick up some groceries to take camping.  The same thing happens every time.  I walk in and I think maybe this time won't be so bad.  Slowly my legs grow weaker and weaker and I start to feel light headed.  By the last isle I'm taking small baby steps and can barely walk.  I feel like I'm going to collapse.  My body is telling me I can't do that anymore.  I can't do much of anything anymore....except gestating of course.  That's what is important.  Looks like I will be sitting in the motorized shopping carts again.  I've been this big when I was pregnant with the boys.  I read that the weight of 3 babies can sometimes push on a major blood vessel cutting off oxygen to you brain and even to your babies.  I feel like a total lazy wimp.  I didn't expect to feel like this until I got freakishly big.

It's going to be a long Summer.

We had to drive up to our house Sunday after we got back from camping.  I sat on a chair while Ryan carried scraps of wood out to the garbage.  I looked down and my left ankle and foot was swollen.  I took off my sandal and there was a deep indent where the strap went.  I'm 22 wks.  I sorta can't believe this is happening already.  I had faith that maybe being pregnant with girls I'd get lucky and this wouldn't happen to me.  

It's going to be a long swollen summer!


  1. I continue to pray for you, the girls, Finn and your husband. I'm so excited for you all!

  2. Aww, 22 weeks! I hit 24 weeks with one baby yesterday. We're getting closer and closer, but it still seems so far away. I can't imagine carrying three. Much love for you and your family :)

  3. It will all be over in a blink of an eye.

  4. Your body's ability to expand for your girls will amaze you! At 19 weeks pregnant with twins I measured "full-term" for a singleton. My boys were born at 38 weeks, weighing 10 pounds, 2 ounces; and 9 pounds, 1 ounce. Be patient with your ability to do things - and, buy dresses/leggings - at the end, it was the only thing that would cover my stomach completely!

  5. Time to stop grocery shopping. I really mean it. I just couldn't do it any more at that point. I was still able to go to stores that had motorized carts for small shopping trips, but grocery shopping was too much. Make a list and get your husband or other family member to do it. I really, really hated giving up control of food shopping but in the grand scheme of things it was a minor blip in getting 3 healthy babies home. If you are doing anything but gestating at this point you are probably over doing it.

  6. Precious picture of you and your sweet boys:) you look great pregnant!

  7. Listen to your body, listen to your body, listen to your body! Slow down and enjoy this pregnancy. It's okay to ask for help with chores, shopping, etc... I'm sure there are lots of family/friends who would love to help you! By the way, I think you look fantastic!

  8. You look marrrvellllous!! Please take it slowly and don't overdo.....I'm sure that is easier said than done. I love the trampoline picture...it must have brought big smiles to your face....what a treasure.

  9. You are my hero. How about riding around the store on one of those motorized carts they have. Have someone shop for you. You are going to soon become the master of creative solutions. What triplet mother wouldn't be the most amazing problem solver. I think of you and the little princesses each day and say a little prayer for you. Be blessed and rest well.

  10. So fun to hear your updates! Your body is doing an incredible thing. Just amazing. I love that pic with your boys. You look fabulous.

  11. For the record...I think you look awesome in that hammock pic. Beautiful actually. Second, think of it like this - you've now carried three babies to (over) half their term...that's like being 1-1/2 times full-term pregnant right now - no wonder your body is exhausted! I'm sure this sounds ridiculous to you - but hang in there - it's not too much longer!! You can do it Kelly. And I CANNOT WAIT to meet those three beauties on your blog!

  12. I can't stand how cute that picture is of you three jumping on that trampoline. The three of you look so so so happy. And who knows, maybe one of the girls will be a blondie like big brother. Or maybe he will always be the only blonde in the family. Can't wait to see you soon!!!!!!

  13. I am sooooo excited for you! You are doing an amazing thing and you look wonderful! There are plenty of people who are more than willing to help you with WHATEVER you need! Don't be afraid to ask!

  14. Just popping in to let you know we're still reading along and thinking of you guys always! I can't wait to bring you fun stuff when the girls are born!
    Take care!! Xx

  15. Kelly. I am unable to scroll down far enough on my phone to get to the registry and P O Box info. Can you add it to the bottom of this post.

    1. Thanks Lisa! PO Box #71690 cottonwood heights, Utah 84121

  16. I love that sweet picture of you with Finn and Colum and oh my goodness, those cute little ultrasound pics! Your getting quite far along! Hard to believe, it goes fast when your not the pregnant one hahaha. Oh how the tables will turn though. August will be a big month for us both! I hope you're hanging in there, I know its got to be getting uncomfortable. Hugs from Heidi

  17. You look beautiful Kelly. Truly listen to your body. Know your limits. It seems like you do already, but keep it up. The longer you can keep those babies in there, the better! I had my twins at 32 weeks. I was due in September, but delivered at the end of July. The summer was so hot and long, but I found that going to the lake and swimming / floating around, not only cooled me down, but it took the pressure off my joints and my stomach muscles. Relaxing in the water at the pool even. Hang in there!

  18. Kelly, I haven't checked any blogs lately and just got caught up on yours tonight. I love that everytime I read your blog, I feel so uplifted. You are my hero. I am so excited for you and your new adventure. Triplets is going to be quite a ride. I'm glad you have found some support groups. And when I read the post about you being super chill and a non-yeller, I thought...maybe that's why god never sent me triplets. ha ha. I need to go to yellers anon. or something! Tonight when I was reading your most recent post, Grayson was coloring on the desk beside me and he looked up and saw that picture of Colum and said "that's me!" Oh,how I wanted to cry for you. I want for you to be experiencing all of these moments with your blondie too. I'm not sure how feel about it, but I'd love to keep you posted with little things he does. Because they came to earth just hours apart, I feel a special connection. It's funny, because when I was pregnant with my oldest son, Tyson, I had a recurring dream about a little blonde haired, blue-eyed boy. But when he was born, he was dark. And my next 2 kids were also not matches. So when Gray was born 9 years later, I was so excited. It just makes that connection even more special. Just thought I would share that with you. XOXO