::pack:: of fixations



life after tragedy. living while grieving. love and triplets.

5.29.2013

Bananas


Hope everybody had a great Memorial Day.  Thank you so much for all the name ideas, we need all the help we can get.  

On babycenter it says from here on out the babies start growing at a rapid rate.  They are all the size of a banana right now.  I AM HUGE.  As of a few days ago I started getting really uncomfortable...can't get comfortable.  And I can't breathe.  I didn't expect to feel this way for another month.  I started getting scared that maybe it was from all the webs of scar tissue that probably decorate my insides.  Thank god for the support groups, atlas this is normal.  

There are 2 types of women in this world, those that just carry it in the belly and those that just aren't that cute pregnant.  I'm the latter.  I turn into a linebacker...a very short one.  I just get a big belly along with getting big everywhere else.  I know my body will be distorted after this pregnancy but I don't care.  I've got several feet of scars covering my entire body and a huge chunk is missing out of my top left thigh.  I had a compound femur fracture and I'm guessing the missing piece is where the bone was sticking out?

I scar keloid most of the time.  The plastic surgeon who fixed my hand did some seriously shitty work.  I've got a 3 inch keloid scar on top of my right hand.  But the worst part is they took 2.5 weeks to take the suchers/stitches out, actually an attending resident in rehab took them out after I freaked out one morning in the hospital.  Normally those were taken out within 1 week of surgery.  This is so your skin doesn't grow & attach itself to them, so as you can imagine it hurt like hell when he took them out!  So all along the outside of the scar are tiny keloid scars from the stitches.  Kinda like Frankenstein.  I also have another huge Frankenstein-keloid scar on my left shoulder.  

These don't really bother me.  I don't really care.  People ask me if I'll ever get the one on my hand removed and I really doubt it.  I'm secretly planning a 3D centipede tattoo when I'm about 80.  So the thought of more stretch marks doesn't really phase me.  I've got a huge keloid scar going from my breast bone all the way down to my C-section scar, so I think bikinis are not in my future.  I think more stretch marks will just add to this little art piece that's still in progress I like to call SURVIVOR.  

Now what about the extra skin?  Aw, the extra skin, now that bothers me.  I figure I should start saving now for my tummy tuck.  I saw a woman on one of my triplet support groups name off all of the children she'd given birth to.  Several followed her triplets, and she ended with so this Mother's Day I'm getting my breasts lifted and a tummy tuck.  There was an outpour of congratulations and 'wish it were me's.  

Been crying a lot lately.  It feels like more often.  I miss him so much.  He'll be 3 in one month.  We went swimming over the weekend.  I've never swam pregnant before, I've never dared get into a swim suit pregnant before.  You know those cute pregnant ladies in bikinis?  Well now that's not me.  I cried while sitting in the kiddie pool watching all the other kids play.  He would've been so fun this summer.  Ryan and I joke that Colum would be going down all the slides and Finn still wouldn't.  They would've had so much fun playing together, no one would mess with them.  It still stings.

I got a P.O. Box and I registered at Amazon.

To go to my registry click here.  

P.O. Box #71690
Cottonwood Heights, Utah
84171-0690

Thank you so much!

This is what 20.5 weeks with triplets looks like.  Growing larger everyday.

Memorial Day.  It was tough this year again.  Miss you Baby!

Swimming.  The boy and his goggles.

Finn graduated preschool last week.  I can't believe how big he's getting!



24 comments:

  1. Awwww...so much going on for you. I'm sure it put a smile on your face seeing your Finn graduate from pre-school. He looks so proud as he should be. Colum's headstone is so beautiful. Take care of yourself and those three little girls!! I can't wait to see who they look like!! Have a wonderful day.

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  2. Kelly,
    Anything/Everything is worth it when you see the faces of your little ones. Keep them growing - I just send you 2 Boxes Diapers =)I think you'll need a storage for all the goodies going your way CoNgR@TsS thanks for sharing a picture I cannot wait to see your little ones.
    Sai from CA

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  3. Sorry I had to change my order for the Activity Gym & 1 Box of Diapers =)

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  4. Your belly looks ADORABLE!!!!!!!! And what a handsome little graduate!

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  5. First comment. There is a great deal at Amazon.com for 20.00 OFF a case of diapers when you sign up for a 3 month free trial of Amazon mom with prime. This deal will give you a 20% discount on top of the 20.00 dollars off and there is even a 2.00 Huggies coupon you can stack with this deal if you choose diapers. It shows a case of 204 Huggies for less than 16.00. That is an Incredible deal. There are many options for diapers. I imagine a case of LUVS will be almost free. kelly will need alot of diapers and you cannot beat this deal. I am a serious heavy couponer and have done these deals with Amazon before. You do not have to continue with the subscription plan after the free trial. It clearly states you can cancel at anytime. I will be signing up for this and sending the three princesses a case of diapers. I will choose the 6 month subscription plan from the choices they give you and will probably cancel at the end of the three months. This plan gives you free shipping and a 20% discount off of baby items. we have 4 friends expecting so this is a good deal for us. I also believe the 3 months of prime will let you stream movies/shows for the 3 month free trial. Happy Shopping.

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    1. YOU CAN READ ABOUT THIS DEAL AT SOUTHERN SAVERS.COM ........ If you read about this after Tuesday morning, you can scroll down her pages to find it or search Amazon/diapers in the little search place. This will take you directly to the link for this deal.

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    2. Kelly I just did the deal I posted about and sent you a case of 240 Pampers size 1. They are being delivered to your post office box. Fellow bloggers this gift cost me 13.86 with the above mentioned deal.

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  6. Second post. OK, so you cried and once again I cried reading this. Tears can be a potent healing tool. kelly, you will never be anything but beautiful. Your scars are battle wounds. They are a reminder of your strength and the love you have for your family. Somedays the load will be heavy and other days the load will be a little lighter. but, you already know that. Thankyou for the P O Box, I hope that you enjoy receiving all the little blessings we are going to send your way. Make sure you keep us updated so that you do not receive 400 newborn onesies. Kelly, you and your family are loved. We have shared your pain and now , we hope to share your joy. Please remember in a dark moment that someone out there is thinking of you. You may have never met us but we are here and we really do think about you. I will send a little extra prayer to you today. You are blessed.

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  7. I think you are a really cute pregnant woman and you just don't know it,your tummy is small along with the rest of your body. You look great!:)

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  8. Lisa, you said it so perfectly, and how, I am sure, many of us feel! Kelly, you are beautiful! You are a survivor! Your family are survivors and you should be proud to be where you are. I am so happy for you and think that your belly is beautiful!!!! I can't wait for what's next! Hugs!!!!!

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  9. I am not a tall person,I don't get cute pregnant either. When I was preg. with my daughter (8th preg.),had 2 sons;she was due the end of Jan.,the end of Oct. people thought I was due anytime. I can't imagine what I would look like with triplets. LOL!

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  10. I don't think you look all that big for carrying triplets! You don't know me, but I've been following your blog and check it often for updates. Congrats on the triplet girls. You are going to have so much fun with them! Keep posting often!

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  11. I am so in awe of you Kelly! You are doing amazingly, I know that Colums birthday will be really hard and nobody can make it better, maybe having the girls to look forward to will help somewhat. Love and kisses from Ireland!

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  12. I think your picture is darling! You are super cute pregnant. You are a beautiful and amazing person. I don't know you personally, but I often think of you and what you have shared on this blog. You have helped me a lot, Kelly. I buried my youngest little boy last October. Your words are what pulled me through on some of those darkest days. Thank you so much for sharing what you have been able to share. It is beautiful to see the joy that is there even though you grieve so deeply.

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  13. Love your baby bump!! I just ordered some things for you little girls, I hope you like them!

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  14. And a thought.... if you're going to have a baby shower (and you will need one), have a diaper shower. Your guests will need to bring a package of diapers to get entered into a drawing for a gift. I hope this makes since. I had a baby shower like this and I had diapers to last me 1 yr (but that was just for one baby).

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  15. I was hoping you'd post a belly pic! Hang in there, I am amazed at your strength and perseverance facing your extreme circumstances. You look great, though I can only imagine how uncomfortable you must be getting. All the best as you near the home stretch!

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  16. YOU ARE AMAZING! Every time I read your blog I feel happy for you, for all the good things that are happening to you and your family, and now these little ones on their way, they will bring so much joy to your life. You probably don't remember me after all this time but let me tell you that I felt your pain when Colum left, a lot of people did and we felt so helpless to see you and your family go through so much pain. I've been following your posts for awhile and I am happy to know that you are healing. Even when I'm at work, I have to manage not to cry when reading your posts. You are an excellent writer by the way... you should publish a book!
    A couple of names: Laila and Gabriella, these are my reason to live.
    You are an inspiration for many people, you are very strong and God bless you.

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  17. Congratulations on the triplets! I live in American Fork and have a ton (hundreds of items) of really nice, used girl clothing and shoes I would love to give to you, size NB to 3T. I'm having a yard sale today, so if you are in the area or have friends or family that could pick it up, you are welcome to take what you want (for free)! Or I can drop it off for you, let me know.

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  18. I look like that with one! People always ask if i am having twins (: you are beautiful. And growing 3 people! Bodies are amazing. Can't wait for Colum's 5k.

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  19. Congrats on your growing family! I have twin girls and can't even begin to imagine what having triplets would be like! I have four girls....girls are fun....and fun to shop for!!! All my best to you. BTW...I came across this post today http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/2013/06/a-letter-to-you.html . You should check it out. I think your story would be amazingly perfect for her project. Your words are very inspiring. You are a strong Momma! HUGS!

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  20. I just got a vision of Finn graduating high school. He looks SO grown in that pic! I'm sure you're told that you are beautiful all the time. You really are, for so many reasons. I'm right there with you on the fat preggo. That was me. And stretch marks? My body is one big stretch mark! Yours definitely are scars to be proud of, but let me know if you'd ever like me to show you massage to reduce scars (I used to be a LMT)... That being said. Maybe you and I can go in together for our tummy tuck surgeries. My extra skin already freaks me out, and that is just with two singleton pregnancies! BLAH!

    Can't wait to see you in just a few weeks, and spend the day with you fabulous people, including sweet Colum. xo

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  21. So wonderful to hear all going well with you and the babes :) I too carry ALL OVER and at 20 weeks with twins had people ask when I was due as I looked it!

    Can't wait to see your beautiful little girls :)

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  22. Isolde, Iris, Paloma, Petra...

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