::pack:: of fixations

life after tragedy. living while grieving. love and triplets.


Finn's phase

Finn is in this adorable, lovable phase.  I get told a couple each of these daily:

Oooh, I just love you so so so much!
Mom, I'm gonna have to take a picture of you 'cause you are just so cute!
"Yuv" you, Mom.  Mom "Yuv" you.

These are followed by about three kisses somewhere, my elbow, my cheek, my leg, my butt if I'm walking around.  I've asked him to refrain from kissing my bottom but we spank each others bums a whole lot around here.  We've always told him we have to squeeze his butt so much cause it's just so so cute, and so he also says "Mom, I just love your bum" a lot too.   Ryan started this little tradition and the poor kid probably tells his Preschool teachers that their butts are cute at school cause he thinks it's a sign of love.  

I'd walk into the boys room to see how Ryan was making them laugh so hard and he would be squeezing their butt cheeks together with one hand.  This would force them to stop crawling fall onto their bellies and laugh and laugh.  

You always hear how boys are hardest when they are little but you are thankful for them when they become teenagers.  Girls however, are so helpful and sweet from a young age until they become teenagers and the hormones kick in.  

Finn started his hard stage earlier than a lot of kids his age and I worried and cried about it a lot.  Slowly I noticed that the other kids were starting to do the same naughty things that he was and I got over it.  Finn, our first child has been our first learning experience as parents.  He is an absolute angel right now and I never need a break from him, in fact I miss him when he is gone.

I never expected such loving, sweet behavior coming from a young boy.  I went to parent teacher conference and his teacher told me that his heart is just right there on the surface all the time.  He talks about Colum a lot at school and whenever it's puzzle time he runs for the Buzz Lightyear puzzle because Colum loved Toy Story.  When she told me this I had to look down and concentrate on holding back the tears.  You get better at doing this over time and I've found that it's best to try not to make others feel uncomfortable if you want to hear more things like this ever again.  Hearing her say that meant so much to me.  Hearing her say his name felt so nice.   And knowing that Finn carries Colum with him wherever he goes makes me cry happy Mom tears.  I'm so proud that he is mine.  The boy that wears his heart on his sleeve and always participates in class.  

I often wonder if Colum would've been a hard toddler or an easier one since he was a hard baby.  I wonder what games my boys would play and if Colum would count the seconds until Finn got home from school.  I wonder if Colum would become obsessed with Spiderman also and they'd play Avengers around the house.  

Will Finn ever have another little brother and if so will they be close like he was with Colum?  I know Finn has a big heart.  But I also know there's a spot in his heart that will always be for his baby brother Colum.  And if we are so lucky to have more babies Finn has made it clear that It's okay if they pull my hair all the time... I will let them.

This is the last picture I took of him before the accident.  We were at Aunt Bobbi's and he was modeling some Mickey Mouse Mr Potatohead glasses.  He thought this was hilarious. 

At the Pack family Christmas sleepover.  He was just fine sitting on Santa's lap, he spent a while just looking straight into Santa's eyes, he was fearless I tell ya.

Baby Finn.  He stuck his bottom lip out for a couple hours after they pulled him out.

Baby Colum.  Wish we would've gotten a better picture.

Ooh, I just love him!

Our first time out sledding this winter.  I was so happy this day.  Another milestone, something I didn't get to do last year.  Something I never knew if I'd be able to do again.

Note: I hardly post pictures and as much as I want to it's really hard to scroll through iphoto and be reminded of old memories.  I always cry when I look at old pictures.  It's something I'm working on.


  1. I love Finn's heart.
    I love your courage.
    I love Colum's hair.

    I love that you updated your blog. <3

  2. Never stop crying happy mom tears! Beautiful family pictures, thanks for sharing them.

  3. I love that Finn said he would let the new baby pull his hair! Too cute (:

  4. I love those newborn pictures!! Beautiful, beautiful. Such happy parents. You can tell Ryan has a big smile even with his mask on. The eyes tell on him. Thanks for posting those.

  5. I too just had to look down to stop the tears from flowing. What a tender moment. Finn sounds like the perfect big brother. What a sweet boy. It is so nice to hear that the naughtiness fades and a super sweet boy lies beneath all the little naughties. :) My little boys is in the super naughty phase and I too cry at times and worry, but I know it is just a phase. One day I may even miss it? Happy Valentines.

  6. Hahaha, the bum comments. I can picture that going on at your house! Finn is so sweet, I must have totally missed his mischievous phase. He's made it quite clear how much he adored his baby brother, I think next time he becomes a big brother (finger's crossed) he might just be the best there is... what lucky little people that come into your family to have so much love waiting for them! People keep telling me about the differences between boys and girls, it would seem my kids are determined to break stereo types. I got a sweet and content boy, easiest kid in the world. Then as if to make up for it, I got the most discontent (and not afraid to let you know it) little girl in the world. Hard to imagine her trajectory changing, I fear her teen years!! I'm pretty sure Colum would have idolized Finn and they would have been the best little buddies playing all sorts of games together. My kids do which is totally unexpected to me. Love these sweet pictures!

  7. What a little sweetheart Finn is :) You must be so proud.

  8. Those are some precious pictures!! Finn is such a blessing. Can't wait for you to have another babe :)