::pack:: of fixations

life after tragedy. living while grieving. love and triplets.


these boots were made for running...

Alright all you party people!  

The 5k is officially going to be on Colum's Birthday June, 29!  

If you are local I hope you can come.  I have LOVED seeing comments of people that aren't local that want to run where they live, register, & heck YES we will send you a t-shirt!  It made me tear up.  It made me feel like this can be even bigger than I ever dreamed!  

Here's the amateur Facebook page I created.  If you can, please like it.  I hear all the cool kids are doing it.  There's going to be a website soon, probably in a couple of weeks.  It's going to be the real deal!

If you have never done a 5k now is the perfect time to start training.  Also, a lot of people (half or more) just walk the whole way.  If you want to try running/jogging below is an email I sent an old friend a while back on how I started.  The real reason I started was because I have huge calves!  None of the cute boots would ever fit over my calves and I wanted some cute boots dangit!  So I decided I would try the hardest thing I could think of (running) and I bought my Frye boots (that they cut off me with scissors).  If they didn't zip over my calves by Fall, they were going back.  Usually, you do this with a pair of jeans but in my case it was the boots.   

And I just copied and pasted it, so you will hear of the boots again and again :).  Sorry, gotta go.  Wrote this at 4am when I woke up gonna go grab a piece of cheese to snack on...got a book to write!

Here is my tips for running. And you have to be very strict and selfish about 1 thing... you, Melissa get 1 hour a day to take care of yourself. Just you, just 1 hour. Let everybody know, Carl, your oldest child, everyone. Set a time AM/PM and stick with it. It's yours... all yours! For me, Colum would wake up pretty early and I'd make him a bottle get a sugar-free rockstar out of the fridge and drink it throughout the morning. After changing bums, feeding everybody breakfast, and slowly putting on my running clothes it would be Colum's nap time and my rockstar would be gone. I wouldn't schedule anything or any clients and I have a treadmill downstairs. I saved ALL my favorite dirty, secret pleasure shows for when I ran. It was my time. I'd put Colum down, Finn would watch whatever he wanted and Mom went downstairs for 1 hour. I had bought very expensive tall leather Frye boots last year at Anniversary sale (Nordstrom) last summer (the sale is on again soon). My calves have always been huge and I told myself I was gonna try and run. If I could fit into them by Fall I could keep them.
I also bought new Asic Kayano running shoes $100 at the sale. They never go on sale. They are normally about $140. I promised myself I was going to use them. This all was on my Nordstrom card...CHARGED. But I didn't care. I was tired with how I looked. I was too busy to go to the gym, I had a treadmill, I was going to make it work. Oh, and I'm so funny... I also CHARGED some very cute and still my favorites running pants. Zella live in leggings. They are running pants but you can wear them as leggings and with boots in the winter. They make me feel skinnier when I wear them and double as cute pants as well as workout pants. Good quality, comfy and last forever!
I started out walking on an incline. Then, I slowly started running really slow for 10-30 seconds at a time. Every week I would push myself to beat my last weeks record. Even if it's 10 seconds longer. (I'm totally doing this now). Before you know it you are running 1/2 mile in a row. Then a mile, 2, 3, 4, ....then 5. When you consistently are running and beating last weeks goals you start to look forward to it. When I got to 4 I couldn't believe it. People like me didn't run 4 miles in a row. When I got to 5... I decided I was officially a runner!
My days were happier. I felt healthy. I was a better Mom. My body was totally changing which just fueled my fire. I went down a few cup sizes in the chest. My legs... Melissa my legs were the most beautiful things I'd ever seen. Ryan and I would sit downstairs and just talk about my legs for 10 minutes every night. While you're running you ask yourself "why am I doing this?", but after you build up strength you stop asking yourself. You literally get high from it. Like a better than anything high. It gets easier to be selfish, your kids get used to it. They like the new you. It's just one hour, a good sports bra, Zella leggings, Sugar free rockstars, and a good pair of shoes...(but you actually need 2 pairs of shoes, switch every other day).
When you start out, listen to your body. If you injure yourself you can't run/walk while you recover. And just run really really slow. Don't over-do it, just push yourself a little harder than you did the week before. One day a week is considered your long run. So maybe do your "long run" on Saturdays and go just as long or 10,30,60 seconds longer than the week before. In just a few short months you will be able to run 1-3 miles in a row.
My boots fit before Fall came, and w/skinny jeans tucked into them btw. I was wearing them the night of the accident. They cut them off with scissors in the ER. CUT THEM OFF WITH SCISSORS. The boots, I'd never let myself buy that changed me. Those boots taught me to take care of myself again.
P.S. I should turn this into a blog post... I just might! 


  1. I am looking forward to being there again this year. May be last like last year, pushing the double stroller, but we will be there to support you and show our love for Colum.

  2. That email is just what I needed to read! Thank you for sharing. There are so many changes happening in my life and focusing on me, even just an hour a day, is something I have to do at this point. That hour will be dedicated to my health and of course to prepare for Colum's Birthday 5k. I'm so happy it's on HIS day. It's perfect!!
    Thinking of you guys always.. I'm proud of you all and I'm looking forward to the new site, the 5k and all that 2013 has in store for the Pack family....oh, and lil old me :)

  3. I want to run it! I used to be a runner (like 10 years ago, I could run 6 miles at once, easy). Then I got fat, and stopped, and got fatter. TODAY I have lost 50 pounds, and am back to a walk/jog. I push myself a few minutes further every week! It's awesome, and I'm loving it again. I'm not sure why I ever stopped, I always loved running. I'm running a half marathon in the fall, but I totally would come and run this 5K. It would be my first "real" race, and I would love to participate! I don't live there, but I visit enough that I could plan to visit that weekend! Totally planning on it, and I LOVED reading your running story!!!

  4. Hip Hip HOORAY!!!
    I am over the moon excited that
    #1: I will run for Colum in PA ON his birthday.
    #2: I get a shirt for it (Pretty please have his precious mug on that shirt).
    I will totally own being a runner that runs for shirts ;)
    I also run with a group of people here that I am goign to try and get to run for Colum!
    Wish we could be there, and yet happy to spread the love clear over here!

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  6. Did they REALLY have to cut them? I am 100% sure it would have taken the same amount of time to unzip them. That just pisses me off.

    On a lighter note, when I read your first paragraph about running, the first time I read it, I thought it said you would put sugar-free rockstar in a bottle for Colum. lol

    And I too may just have to take up running. I just hate to get all sweaty. I guess I could learn to live with it though.

    Hugs from Connecticut

  7. Excited about the 5k! Sad about your boots.

  8. Awesome! I'm having a baby at the end of April, so I may have to walk the majority, but I will definitely try to run at least portions of it. I will also definitely be using your friends tips for training once it becomes do-able :)

  9. Awesome Kelly! I'm there!!!! Can't wait for some warmer running weather! *cami

  10. So excited for this event! I am a part of the group that Amy H. (above) runs with; she is the one the introduced me to your blog. My little sister's birthday is the same as Colum's! Can't believe that both of out families has such a special person born on the same day.

  11. I've played with running on and off over the last year. I've never felt like a 'runner'. I heard someone once say when it came to running that you're either a gazelle or a Clydesdale Horse-and I definitely feel like the later :) I haven't run for MONTHS although I do other cardio 4-5 days a week. I went to our Rec Center this morning planning on attending a class but all classes were cancelled due to an indoor triathlon event I didn't know about. I was already there so I had no choice but to head for the treadmills. (I was dreading it)I was planning on mostly incline walking and doing just doing 1 minute runs, but BAM! Out of nowhere I just felt like I could run and keep going! It completely surprised me. My legs didn't feel like lead and I just knew I could go. I ran my first 5K today at 5mph! Blowing my old record completely out of the water. It felt great. I'm still not a runner but I'm so proud of myself. I might just have to do it again, and now I'm really thinking that I'd like to make Colum's race my first race. Yours and Colum's story has really changed me and I would love to be involved with honoring his memory.

    Love from Herriman,

    Lisa V.

  12. I haven't been great about getting on the treadmill this winter. It's in the garage and it's freezing out there. But today I did it. For Colum I will run. There is not a better reason to run in the world. I will be there!!! Love ya

  13. I wanted to let you know that I run for you, Kelly! I've never been much of a runner but my husband and I are trying to get in shape and eat healthier since he was diagnosed with a fatty liver at 35. Whenever I'm on the treadmill, I push myself a little further. I tell myself that I'm young and healthy and fortunate that I can run. When I want to stop, I think of you and your family and push a little bit more since I know physical health can be taken away so quickly. I'm glad the race is coming together for Colum.

  14. Kelly, you inspire me more with every post you write. I have been following your big since the beginning and have shed many tears with you. I started running because of you. I'm now training for ragnar and our team is dedicated to Colum, a very well known name in my home. My heart melts when I look at his photos, into a little puddle. What a joy he must have been! When the accident happened I could hear life flight from my home. My siblings were all late to my house because of the accident. One of my sisters showed up with tears in her eyes and said "I think someone was hurt badly" we prayed for this unknown family that night. We all sat around my fireplace talking about the "eerie" feeling we all had that night. my sweet aux year old nephew then said "lets sing a song for the people in the accident" with tears in our eyes we sang Silent Night. This last christmas we made it a tradition to sing that song for colum. My nephews decoded all out christmas eve traditions were for him they would say things like "this is colum hot chocolate" "this is colum dinner" etc. the night was all about your sweet little angel. We love you. We love your family. We love your angel. I noticed while driving the other day that they lowered the speed limit where your accident was. I don't know if it had anything to do with the accident but it brought comfort to me as I hope it does you. we love you Kelly.

  15. I did cross country in High school, and that meant a lot of 5k runs. Sadly my coaches were far more into winning and that took all the fun out of it for me. But this 5k for Colum sounds amazing and really shows what these runs should be about: being with friends and sharing in teamwork. I really wish my family could join in but Ohio is kinda far, so we will be sending lots of hugs and support for everyone taking part!!!

  16. I'm gonna do it Kelly! I used to be a runner and ran 6 miles a day...easily. But, my knees have decided running isn't something I will ever be able to do again, unless I get surgery, which is too expensive w/o insurance right now. SO, I will sign up for the run and WALK...which is what I currently do. It's not as fun as running, but still gets the heart pumping, right? I'll have Jake and maybe my oldest son give it a shot too :)

  17. So happy to hear about the run!! That's awesome it's on Colum's bday. Love your running email and hearing about your boots.

  18. very nice information frnd always keep in touch,,,,,,,

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  19. Hey Kelly, Just wanted you to know that you are my inspiration. I read this post back when you posted it - and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind. I, too, have struggled to find stupid winter boots that fit around my calves, so reading this post just hit right home to me. Your plan is so perfect - it seemed so do-able - that I finally made a goal for myself that as soon as school started I was going to follow your steps exactly. I got a treadmill - set it up right in my living room (no excuses like having to climb stairs to work out) - right in front of the TV - started recording a show to watch - and started out slow. I've been going for a week now - and it's WORKING so far! I'm super excited - and it's all because of you!! Can't wait to get those beautiful legs you were talking about. Thanks for the push I needed! Can't wait to hear about those babies!