I recently received an email from a mother via the Kellypack.com blog. She said that her son just watched Colum's funeral video at a DUI class and came home and told her about it. She was wondering if there's a way to access it online because she would like to watch it. I responded and she said, Thanks so much for your quick response. The video made an impact on my son! I'm so sorry for your loss but your little angel is touching many lives here on earth
may his memory be eternal!
(We have the same initials)
New Orleans! I love the funeral video. The video for me helps me remember. During the funeral we both had a nurse by our sides and they were injecting pain meds in our veins, plus we both had morphine pumps. I had absolutely no idea that they were filming anything of the sorts and neither did Ryan. I remember Ryan telling me that our friend emailed it to him to okay it before it was released to the public. For some reason on our ipad's it was incredibly slow and I remember Ryan saying he was only able to watch a little bit but it looked really good. I didn't bother watching it for a few days or more. I completely forgot about it for quite a while. The very beginning was so incredibly hard I'm tearing up as I type this sentence. I was so used to being a Mom and took all of Colum's snuggles for granted. I dare say he was one of the most cuddliest children to have walked this earth. And for that to get ripped from your arms in an instant was traumatic, painful, and a shock to my body and soul. I had to hold in my emotions because it physically hurt to cry due to broken ribs, internal injuries, and recently being cut open to repair that (I have a zipper). Every time I would cry my chest would tremble causing excruciating pain signals to my brain, while my swollen broken heart would send a conflicting green light. I had him email me the link to the video to me and the entire thing played just fine on my phone. I watched it roughly 50x's a day at least. I was able to relive the most horrible day over and over. Normally, you don't want to do that but it's so beautiful. I particularly like the 1st half because I get to see him. I didn't know I was going to get to hold him. He felt different. I can't describe the feeling of when they closed his casket. I wish I didn't have to be on morphine during my baby's funeral. We sang Itsy Bitsy Spider because he loved that song. I went to my 1st parent teacher conference a few weeks ago and the teacher told me that was Finn's favorite song. It's 6 months today since we had to take the cuddliest boy in the world off life support.
A special thanks to Kenny Bozich, and Josh Waldron for making that video. It's being shown at DUI classes and making an impact. Hopefully helping people to make better decisions.
I'm not a journal writer and had recently started this blog. I can't remember if I've ever explained this but when I started documenting our accident and our thoughts I didn't expect anybody to read it. I remember Ryan and I were lying in our beds on floor 6 and I said, "I'm already forgetting, I don't want to forget, I need to write stuff down". Where should I write? We were both given ipads from people on his side of the family (thank you, they saved us), and I was going to write things down in the notes section. But then I remembered, "Ryan, duh I'm gonna write everything down in our family blog. That way it won't get lost!". I had never told a single soul about our family blog, I think I had 2 followers. I never even told my Mom about it. My dear cousin (Char, thank you so much), ingeniously started the kellypack.com site and had linked our family blog to it... she probably saw it on my Facebook page or something.
I remember getting my first few comments and being so shocked and yet, so.... loved. Every post brought more and more comments from people from all over the world wishing us well, sending prayers, and all their love. I was so broken. I felt so helpless and trapped in my hospital room walls. All of the comments from everybody helped lift me up, it gave me hope, it helped give my pain and suffering a sort of worthiness to all my thoughts and feelings. All the love from all my Angels helping me through the hardest time of my life saved me from becoming a victim and made me strong. When I think back to the darkest hours, it was the comments that gave me light. My loved ones being near, my 2 oldest sisters staying up all night and pushing my morphine button for me every 20 minutes because nobody else believed me that my right hand was broken (so I couldn't push it for myself). My sister told me I would just cry when I woke up, I would ask who was there and beg them not to leave me. I would cry for my Mom, for Ryan, and I would cry for Colum.
This blog has helped me so much and I appreciate all the comments and for everybody who stops by to read and check-in. I have become so inspired by the endless amounts of love people have shown. Just our physical therapy copay is more than our mortgage payment per month. Thank you to everybody that has helped us and continues to help us. Life really is beautiful. I don't know what the next 6 months will bring. I'm absolutely terrified for Christmas time. And I'm even more terrified that they bring out Christmas stuff before Halloween's over but I know you all will help me. I hope my story has a happy ending. I know I will grow stronger. And I pray that I'm pregnant by next Summer...cross your fingers! :)