::pack:: of fixations



life after tragedy. living while grieving. love and triplets.

9.11.2012

Christmas Eve

I'll never forget how happy I was to get home and start our own Christmas traditions with our little family of four.  I'm literally still mourning the loss of that Christmas.  It was going to be the best Christmas yet.


Minutes before leaving my Oldest sister Jenn, her oldest Daughter Natalie,  Nat's daughter Hailey (my Great Niece), & I taking pics to post to instagram.  I remember I was showing Natalie how to use it.

Finn & Colum won some serious cash from playing Christmas Bingo.


My Niece Sydney in her awesome sweater.  You can see people starting to leave out the front door.



Around the corner from my brother's house there's a park where ducks and geese have literally taken over.  Ryan had taken the boys that Christmas Eve night & here is the last footage of Colum.  I recently found the coat and pants that he's wearing in the video that the hospital had given back to us but nobody knew where they were.  It doesn't show up well on our computer but as soon as Ry says Colum he gets a huge grin on his face.  I miss this smile every single minute.  This was taken about 20 minutes before we were unexpectedly hit and we had to say goodbye to my baby.

18 comments:

  1. Thank goodness for smart phones and video cameras that allow us to capture such precious moments! The simple things really do create the best memories. Your boys are absolutely adorable!

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  2. I am so glad you have that video. He will always be such a perfect, sweet little boy. I would have loved to have known him. I am sure this holiday season coming up is going to be unimaginably challenging for you guys. Know that my heart is with you. I still would love to meet you. We'll be back at Primary Childrens for a surgery on the 24th, so let me know. <3

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  3. What a sweet memory to have and be able to watch over and over. Finn is so cute saying "duck" :) And I love how Colum is like, ummm this goose is trying to attack me! I keep being so sad for you because 1 years old, especially around 18 months, is my absolute favorite age. And I look at my Preslee and I don't think I could go through what you guys are going through... with as much dignity as you are. You are amazingly strong. And while it would be so easy to give up, you aren't. You are trying everything imaginable to get as better as you can emotionally and mentally and physically. Of course you guys will never be the same as before losing Colum, but I pray you will be happy again.

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  4. Precious, thank you for sharing your son and your story with us. I am "local" and heard of your story Christmas Eve on the news. My heart broke for your family and have been in my heart so often. I hope you continue to heal in body and spirit. And always remember that cute little boy with the ducks christmas eve and let the video become part of a new christmas tradition.

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  5. Colum has been on my mind so much lately. I even drove by his grave yesterday when trying to get Lincoln to take a nap. What a sweet, precious boy. That video is a treasure. I know that the upcoming holiday season will be very hard. Please know you have an army of people praying for you. You're not alone in your grief and we're here for you always. <3

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  6. Thank goodness for this video. I'm sure it's very painful to watch, but what a treasure, too.

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  7. I love Colum. I just do. I never got to meet him but I feel like I know this precious boy so well from all of your stories, pictures, & videos. And he is just perfect. The most perfect angel in the heavens. But I cry when I read every post because it's just not fair. Sending love & prayers to you each and every day.

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  8. Your sweet little precious angels (Colum & Finn). That is such a CUTE, PRECIOUS video. So sweet! There aren't words to describe the reverence and spirit behind the manner in which your sweet family has lead so many by example. Your little Angel is at the front of that influence, having overcome the sadness and sorrow of things that seem so unfair in this world (like him having to leave at such a sweet innocent time). May your hearts heal with patches of love for and memories of your sweet Colum. May your souls be filled with hope and faith in knowing you will see him again. Love you guys. I am thankful to have been changed for the better and forever because of you and your boys. (HUGS) xoxo

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  9. It's chilling to think of that night, I'm sure but if I were you I'd have a constant obsession with it, like, "This was the last this or that or..." I won't even try to begin to imagine how it feels for you guys! But it KILLS even me, someone who doesn't know you, to see that sweet boy who should still be walking around and it's so unfair. On a lighter note, I loved your last post! I've forever wanted to climb aboard a sailboat because of that darn movie with B.Murray strapped to the boat... "I'm sailing..." When my fam was in San Diego visiting my bro last month I even looked up the prices to see... $85/person... forget that, but hubby & I think someday when the time is right ;) I read your post with much enthusiasm! Enthusiasm about therapy. And you guys finding the "one." For very different reasons than you I had to travel the therapy road around 7 years back. It was hard. But it brought about MIRACLES of change in my level of thinking. Whatever it is you and Ryan are in need of, he will take care of a portion of that. I know it. Think how happy Colum is that his mom and dad are working so hard to get themselves to a good - a better - place, and your sweet Finn too. You're still a whole family even though like you said your hearts are not nor never will be whole! Every single post you do makes me cry, but it's SO good. You are a stellar writer, you're stellar about letting your emotions out and land where they may... you are light years ahead of many people in that you are comfortable with the fact that how you feel and who you are are exactly that. My husband & I are your same ages, our 2 boys are your same ages. When we first got wind of your story it was an immediate "this could happen to us" and our hearts have been with you so much. Keddington Chronicles mentioned that you have this "reverence and spirit" about you, in the way you are and we've noticed that along with countless others. You guys are something special and I can't say enough how much I'll be hoping all continues to progress well for you. My heart broke reading about your husband and how your heart broke from him breaking down. I can only imagine feeling that same way. Nothing less than a broken heart. You are a couple with amazing faith... keep it burning! Much Love- The Barua Family

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  10. The video of your dear sweet Colum did me in. To be able to see him so shortly before he left you so painful I would imagine. But then again so beautiful... Cannot imagine what you and Ryan deal with on a day to day basis trying to heal and move on.

    So glad you have found a therapist who you feel good about, so important I would think.

    Hoping Ryan's work CO. continue to be so caring and patient. Hats off to them. And if more time needed hoping there is some sort of disability/sick/family time to be had through the company, his co-workers or the government. (Unsure of what is offered there as a Canadian.)

    Hugs to you, your husband and dear Finn.

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  11. I think about you often...when I was driving on the freeway today and slightly overcorrected, I thought of how easy it is to get in a crash. How quickly life can change completely...and forever! Those Christmas Eve memories must be so hard to reconcile!!! You are brave to try and even process it, I think the therapy is working :) Also, I wanted to tell you that I think about your story in those moments when I am tired and impatient with my children. I will stop, take a deep breath, and reconnect with what is most important. I just want you to know that you are making a difference in other peoples lives. Telling your story, and your pain, reminds all of us to enjoy each moment, because truly no one is guaranteed any more. You should also know that as the holidays approach that you ( and your family) will be in so many people's thoughts and prayers. Huge Hugs!!!

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  12. As it gets closer to Christmas again everything will feel more raw. I guess it's to be expected but there's nothing we can do to stop it. I was so pleased to read your last post. You are such a positive person and a strong family. I know that you'll be okay, not the same, after such a huge loss but, like me, healing. Much love and strength to you Kelly.xx

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  13. It's so strange to me how much that little guy has effected me. I love him and I never knew him. I hope you continue to all heal.
    Chris

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  14. I am so sorry for your loss! I remember hearing of the tragic story on Christmas Eve feeling so bad for your family! I think of your family often and how I see Christmas things already appearing in stores my heart goes out to you! I hope you guys can have peace and comfort as the Holidays start to roll around! Much love and prayers!

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  15. He's so beautiful! I'm so glad you guys have this video to look back on. Such a precious memory to have of him. I still think of you all most minutes of my days & nights. XOXO.

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  16. Your blog has changed me. I feel so much more grateful and courageous. Life is difficult, confusing, and sometimes it seems it might be too much to handle. But, reading your posts and your strength through everything has helped me more then you will ever know. Thank you for everything. You are my angel : )

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  17. Thinking about you lately and wishing I was closer. Colum is just adorable in the video. I wish I could hug you and take the pain away, but I am so glad that you have this footage. His last minutes. Happy and being with the people he loved the most.

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  18. Awwww, brought tears to my eyes. What a sweet, sweet little boy. I have been thinking of you lately as Fall is on the horizon and soon the holidays will be near. You and your family continue to be in my thoughts.

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