::pack:: of fixations



life after tragedy. living while grieving. love and triplets.

7.12.2012

okay... everybody's okay

On Monday, as I was driving Finn and my niece Brooke to Preschool we got hit by another car.  It was minor.  Everything was okay.  She hit me in the back, I didn't see it coming.  I looked in my rearview and saw the car, stopped and then flipped around.  At first it looked like she was going to keep on driving (& I was going to chase them down believe me) but drove over a half a block and then pulled over.  I pulled behind her.  I saw that she was talking to some one on the phone.  I sat there for a minute (assuming she was talking to the police station).  She didn't get out of her car, she was moving around, I knew she was fine.  I could tell she wasn't talking to the police station, so I called them.  Don't freak out Kelly, you're okay, it's just a minor wreck, EVERYBODY'S OKAY.  


"Does anybody in the other car need an ambulance?", I pulled up to her car (the car that hit me), and I rolled down my window.  I expected her to look a little bit sorry or tell me that she was sorry or ask me if I/we were okay.  She opened her door as I motioned and asked her if she and then saw a little boy in the car with her if they were okay.  She gave me a very rude look and nodded her head yes, and no she didn't need an ambulance.  


The dispatch lady asked me if I was okay and I said something on the lines of, "I'm okay but I think I'm gonna freak out.  I was in a horrible accident a few months ago and I can feel a panic attack brewing".    As the policeman approached the scene of the minor accident I rolled down my window he looked at me like I was a freak as he said, "you okay, dispatch said you were very anxious".  "No, I'm okay.  I was in a horrible accident a few months ago... It was on Christmas Eve....",..."did you happen to hear about it?".  He wasn't even really listening to a word I had said, "in this city?", he asked.  "No", I looked down.  I hate him.  I'm not going to explain why I'm acting a little anxious.  Then the tears began to fall.  The officer just walked away as I started sobbing.  I put my head in my hands.  I still had my Ovation Hair Therapy treatment in my hair that I left in overnight & I could feel it in my fingers.  It looks like a mixture of crusty and greasy at the same time.  My brother came to get the kids so they could actually go to Preschool.  


I started filling out the accident report as he walked over to the other car.  Another officer pulled up.  He walked straight over to the other car too.  They were very friendly to her and everybody was sorta laughing.  They were totally flirting with her.  I wasn't listening to what they were talking about but just continued to quietly sob.  I felt like I was going to throw up.  I filled out the names of the little passengers in the car.  I wanted to write Colum.  One of these were filled out in our accident and Colum's name would have gone here.  I hate this.  Just breathe Kelly... deep breathes.  She would look at me every few minutes and give me dirty looks.  I was filling out the insurance part and it hit me... does this one have insurance.  "Do you have insurance", I yelled.  She nodded her head rudely.  "Awesome, that's awesome.", I got an extra dirty look with that response.  I got out of the car and limped over to the officer's car (hadn't taken my meds yet).  My hair was greasy, while crusty and my gray sweatpants were/are about 13 inches too long.   I handed him the paperwork, and asked if he could just make sure she has insurance.  He rolled his eyes and held up an insurance card.  I said "that's what the last guy that hit us had, and funny how that's what the last officer told us.  We believed it about 5-6 surgeries in, until our insurance company called to let us know that he actually wasn't up to date on his payments... just had the card.   So, ya know we are paying for a whole lot of hospital bills, we were life flighted, and.... a funeral, we are paying for a funeral too!"  He literally just sat there annoyed.  Not because he felt bad or sorry for me.  And believe me, I don't want people to feel sorry for me.  This guy was just a complete a$$h01e.  He was annoyed that I was basically asking him to double check that this woman had insurance (because that would require him to actually work).  I hate all the cops in this city, I hate them so bad.  He walked up to my car moments later that according to his system she has insurance.  "Thank you, I've just learned that just because somebody has a card that doesn't mean they have insurance and I don't want have to pay for this too".  


As I drove home, I knew I probably seemed like a very dramatic person that hasn't showered in about a month or so.  I was upset that the lady that hit me was so rude.  But mostly I was pissed about how I was treated by the policeman.  I'm just a person with feelings, I'm not a drug dealer, I was the one who was hit...maybe if I had been all dolled up I would have been treated with more respect?  The report that she filled out said she was only 16.  So the little boy in the back seat was probably her little brother (I assumed she was his Mom).  She's totally forgiven.  The dirty looks and lack of apologetic behavior was probably because she was scared half to death and has no idea what a pain in the butt this is for the other person.  But the officer's flirting just made me more grossed out and all the more inappropriate, but hey they're the Po-lice.  


Note:  I've had bad experiences with the police officers in the city I live in, in the past.  Let's just say years ago my neighbor would stand on a bucket on his side of the yard and beat my dogs with a garden shovel (teeth are missing/gouges in their heads) and torture them in other ways while we were at work... occasionally when we were home.  The fence is 6 feet tall.  The police were called over 10x's and they did nothing.  We had witnesses etc.  I'm sure there ARE SOME good ones where I live.  I've just not yet had the opportunity of meeting one.  I do not think that cops that risk their lives to keep us safe are bad people in any way, fact I consider them to be heros....superheros :)  I've just had a string of bad luck with the ones that I've met.


I know I have a little PTSD when it comes to driving/car wrecks.  I think it's to be expected.  I absolutely HATE it.  My whole day was completely shot.  I still feel a little sick.  I wish I could move or afford to move where I could take the train everywhere sometimes... secretly... just a little.  Or maybe in the middle of nowhere.  I think I'd like that a lot better.

33 comments:

  1. I am so sorry to hear that happened, I can't imagine the anxiety you must have felt....I am angered at the same time. I have had cops stand there and insult me til their blue in the face, just waiting for me to react....over not stopping at a stop sign that I didn't see. Sometimes all they want is the control and ability to get away with treating people awful. I am so sorry. Keep your head up and know how loved you and your family are.

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  2. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I can only imagine all the anger, frustration, disappointment, sadness this has brought upon you. Not only were you not treated the right way, which makes a person pretty upset, all those memories from few months ago must have came flushing down on you and I think that you are amazing for handling it the way you did and for getting behind the wheel as is. I believe it must be very hard for you and yet you just go and do it.
    I only wish the best for you and your family, I think of you daily and pray that things will only be getting better and better for you all. You are amazing people.

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  3. I'm so sorry Kelly! I understand why you reacted to this situation the way you did. Don't feel like you have to justify that to anyone. You've been through so much and you are entitled to feel the way you do. I'm so sorry you've had to go through so much physical and emotional pain. The fact that you have compassion for the other driver goes to show what an amazing and kind person you are!

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  4. I am so sorry! How horrible!! Is there a way that you can complain about the way you were treated? Can we all call and complain that this should never happen? Glad you were able to keep your cool.

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  5. How awful... Awful for the accident and awful in how you were treated. Hugs to you, it must have been very scary and INFURIATING at the same time. Shame on that woman and the police officers who 'attended'. Shameful.

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  6. I'm so angry for you. That's awful!
    I don't think police are very helpful in most countries. Here they mostly have a Napoleon complex and tend to be arrogant and poorly educated. I hope you're okay and you can take it easy.xx

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  7. Seriously annoyed for you! Can't believe the police acted that way. And 16 or not....bratty girl. Grr.

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  8. Wow! When I read that you had gotten into another accident I was having a panic attack of my own...seems strange since I only "know you" from this blog. I am so glad that you are all ok except for a little rattling of the nerves which for what you have experienced is soooooo very normal. Hang in there you are doing GREAT! Sorry the cop was such a jerk :(

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  9. I am angry just reading this. How unprofessional, whether you had been in an accident before or not they should and could have compassion, realize that any accident is scary. And when you told them your story they should have been double understanding. I would recommend that you complain to their Chief. As a mom, a wife, and the spouse of a fireman. I am so sorry for the way you were treated. I am so glad you are okay, and the way you handled yourself I think any of us would have done if we had been in your situation.

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  10. I'm surprised there is anyone in Utah, especially a police officer, that hasn't heard about your story. I am with everyone else - I'd file a complaint regarding his lack of professionalism and/or compassion. I mean seriously, shouldn't police officers have both?

    I know how scary it can be to go through something that causes PTSD, only to have a glimpse of it smack you in the face again. Not fun. Glad no one was hurt. The ol' Subaru saves the day again.

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  11. I agree, I would make a phone call or write an email to someone! It might remind those officers to have a little more compassion next time. Police deal with so much crap, sometimes they forget to drop the tough exterior. My Dad is a city policeman. He recently responded to a call at the home of a single mother of two young boys, whose home had been burglarized. The young boys were crying because they stole their Wii and all the games. My Dad went out that next morning and bought a used Wii and a few games for those young boys. That hit a tender spot in my Dad, maybe those officers need to hear your story to help them remember to be understanding and aware that people have feelings!!

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  12. I am sorry you were in a wreck, and I am glad you are okay. I hope you don't have to go through that ever again.

    I was in a small wreck almost a year ago, caused by me. I was so upset because that had never happened to me before. I felt like the officer who came was very rude to me- almost like I was wasting his time or ruining his day. It still bugs me even now, and I just wish he had helped me to feel better in the situation. Luckily, the people involved in the crash were really nice. I felt bad that they were from out of town and it was one of their birthdays. Guess I made the trip more memorable for them!

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  13. Kelly, I am so sorry about your experience! I used to live close to your town and had similar experiences with the police. I wish that the police could be more understanding and kind in those situations. We never know what someone is going through and should try to remember to be kind.

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  14. I agree with all the above comments. And I too about had a panic attack reading about another accident. I am so, so sorry. However, I am also so, so angry. You handled yourself amazingly well, much better than I would've handled it. I think I would have been calling his superior, the chief of police and the news! I don't care if the girl was 16 - learn some manners! And flirting or "whatever" is ridiculously unprofessional. Why is the victim further victimized? Ha -- listen to me berate her and the cops for being rude and I am being rude myself. Guess I can learn multiple things from you Kelly - strength, perserverance and kindness to name a few! So glad you are physically ok. Please know there are strangers everywhere who are praying for you and your family.

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  15. You should have a life guarantee to never have to experience another accident EVER AGAIN! I'm so sorry. I have also expereinced the difference in how people treat me when I am all dolled up and when I am in my sweat pants running to the store for something quick. It is actually kind of unbelievable. Wow! People really need to remember not to judge someone until they have walked a mile in their shoes. We just have no idea what someone has been through. I cannot imagine how stressful it must be for you to drive. I hate driving on busy freeways, and I have not had an experience like yours. Distracted driving makes me SO INSANELY CRAZY!!!!!
    If you find the little place you can move with no traffic and trains, please let me know. I want to go there as well. I am a total stress case in the car.
    I hope you're doing better today.

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  16. I think you need to file a formal complaint. That is just not right. It pisses me off to no end.

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  17. Oh my gosh! This is just incredible!! You have an amazing amount of grace, Kelly. That you could conclude you are able to forgive this girl when you realize she is young is just impressive. Is it illegal to drive and talk on the phone in your state?

    I agree that you need to file a complaint. I think you could just use this blog entry because it says it all. Police need to be kind, compassionate and empathetic to ALL people involved in an accident. They weren't there and do not know what happened. They need to be reassuring and observant. You could have gone into shock!

    Bottom line: I am so sorry you had to experience this (let's hope it's the LAST EVER) but am so relieved that you are ok. PTSD for sure! Don't let this one slide by. Someone needs a little reprimand over it.

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  18. I am so sorry to hear that you were in another accident but I am also so relieved that you are all alright, though understandable a bit rattled.
    I just had a run in with the police in my city where they treated me very rudely for something I did not do. A neighbor kid shot himself in the leg, told the police it was a drive-by and hid the gun. After the incident the police on scene verified to me that the weapon had not been recovered. When I called today I was informed that they could not tell me if it had been found, I expressed my concern for my safety and the safety of my children. Obviously if there is a weapon laying around somewhere I don't want a small child to find it. The officer I was talking to rudely told me it was my responsibility to keep my children safe (I am not just concerned about my children finding it but also about the other numerous small children in my neighborhood that might think it is a toy and shoot themselves or someone else). I demanded to speak to his commanding officer who told me that I was in the right to know if the weapon was recovered as it was a matter of safety to my family. Thankfully it has been and I can sleep a little easier tonight.
    Officers clearly need to realize that they are working for the citizens of the city they live in. They need to treat us with more respect and empathy!

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  19. I wish I lived in your town. I would go to the police station and report how that cop treated you. That's terrible!! and I'm so sorry you had to go through this. This is so ridiculously unfair!

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  20. Kelly, I am so furious for you. I cannot believe the way any of them treated you. I am so sorry. Do you need anything? A little car accident would traumatize me if I had gone through even half what you guys are going through. This makes me so mad at our cops in this city. I know a couple of them, so I am hoping it wasn't one of them. And the crazy neighbor attacking your dogs...had no idea we had some super crazy neighbors around here. So sorry.

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  21. I'm so sorry that happened to you. How terrible to be treated that way, and especially after all you've been through.

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  22. Sweetie, you have every right to feel the way you do. The other people (police and the lady who hit you) all need to acquire a little compassion. Hope you are feeling beeter. Take care of yourself.

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  23. As hard as it might be maybe you could turn this into something positive....maybe you could go to the police station and give your story...show them the funeral video....ask them to remember that the next time they come upon a person in an accident to have a little compassion...you never know what recent or long ago tragic events someone has been thru. I am still convinced that Colum is not done sharing his story...there are still many people who need to know and who it could help. He is one special little boy. Hugs to you, I cant imagine how this must have made you feel. We are all here for you Kelly...you are so brave!!
    Meredith in Tn.

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  24. Oh, Kelly, I am so very sorry that this happened to you, and so sorry that all the people involved did not show more respect and compassion. I think that Meredith in Tenn. (comment above) has a good idea about going to the police station and sharing your story. If you don't feel you are up to that emotionally, you could send copies of your story from the newspaper along with a polite note. Maybe that would cause them to realize that they had made a mistake not showing compassion--at least I certainly hope it would. I pray that you are feeling better emotionally today, sweet Kelly.

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  25. I am so, so sorry this happened :-( It made me remember rude people from your vacation and little comments they'd make. I really believe you should have "Column's Story" made on little bookmarks or even slips of paper that you keep with you. That you could just hand to that other driver, hand to that horrible police officer, hand to anyone who needs a reality check and needs to be reminded that they are not the center of the universe. That way you wouldn't even have to talk to these rude people. I am forever changed by hearing your story...maybe they would be too.

    Sending love your way. So glad you are all okay!

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  26. Kelly I must admit my heart sank when I read the word "car accident" again. Oh my gosh how terrifying this must have been for you again! I can only imagine the terrible thoughts that ran through your mind again! I mean who really wants to Re-Live a tragedy again? Okay, I know I have said again like way to many times but oh my gosh I can't believe this happen to you! But, I am so so very thankful you were all ok.
    I am still so heart broken over your sweet little Colum, I am so sorry you have been left with empty arms. I pray about you all the time, I pray that your sweet family will be blessed and comforted.
    Then the part with how badly the officers treated you, well I am angry! I don't think they have any right to treat any one like that. It shouldn't matter how you look they should treat us all the same. And have a compassionate heart to everyone that is and has been in an accident! They are terrifying! And you know what I bet they would feel like complete A$$es if they knew your story. What jerks!! I am so sorry you were treated so badly.
    You are a beautiful person inside and out, I think the world of you and your husbands strength threw all this. I hope someday we can meet, you are an inspiration to me on how you can turn bad things into making yourself a better person. Chin up Kelly! you rock in my book :)

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  27. Your story is about the accident is so sad. I really don't understand people some times.
    I am still shocked by the part at the end with the dogs! Forgive me for focusing on that, I am a huge animal lover. Were you able to get help and get that horrible neighbor in jail??? I hope so :(

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  28. Aaah! This is so upsetting. I completely echo everyone else's comments about how we felt reading that you had been in another car accident. So glad you prefaced it with "We are all okay". Our family was in a minor accident months ago and my husband still has little freak-outs every so often while riding. I can only imagine how this must've been for you! I'm so sorry that you were treated to horribly. The officer who came to the little accident we were in was similarly rude and unfeeling. I understand that they probably get tired of filling out paperwork and spending so much time & effort on such minor accidents, but seriously? It's their job and have some compassion! I totally want to let the officers know for you how much they missed the mark in this situation. I wish every officer could read this and understand your situation so they might have more compassion the next time they get called to an accident...no matter how minor. You never know what someone's been through.

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  29. Im so glad that you are okay and you have everyright to have to feel the way you do. I think if I would have been in your shoes I would have walked over and b#$ched slapped that girl. (probably not I just like to think Im tough)

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  30. OH, Kelly! I'm so sorry. I used to have that same opinion about cops...But then I married one! He's definitely NOT like that and YES most of them where you live are complete jerks. It's unfortunate that those few bad one give the good ones such a bad name.

    I'm really glad you all were okay and hopefully this will just be another stepping stone in your path to healing.

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  31. I'm just wondering if it's the G.... insurance company, you know, the one advertised by the cute little lizard...cause TWICE have we been hit and both times, same company and BOTH times "I'm sorry, we can't seem to contact the insurance holder so the case is going to be dropped." REALLY!?!?! Well, that's the insurance I want to be on when I hit someone, I will just fail to answer their calls so the case is dropped... BBB needs to be contacted...

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  32. I'm so sorry to hear this Kelly and I'm SO happy to hear that you guys are OK!!!!!! Those men who call themselves police officers don't deserve the name or the respect for that matter. I can't believe they were so rude to you. I probably would have call the police station and let them know that they were suck A$$H0!*s. That little girl needs to learn some respect and should have said that she was sorry.....CARMA on her and the officers!

    I'm glad you guys are ok!!!!!!!

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  33. Oh Kelly! I wish I could have been there. How dare they- but really, the world is full of stuff like this. Lately I just call it evil. I think we will continually encounter this kind of thing. If there was a way to have kept you from that kind of treatment I so would have... Love you girl! Thank God everybody is ok :)

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