::pack:: of fixations



life after tragedy. living while grieving. love and triplets.

5.14.2012

Falling out.

Strangely, I think I had the best Mother's Day yet.  I missed Colum.  I always miss my baby.  But, I just had an overwhelming sense of feeling grateful that Finn survived and how much I loved being a Mom.  We did it different this year.  We only stopped by our Mom's houses instead of staying awhile and making it an all day event.  We went to our friend JaNae's house for a BBQ.  JaNae was one of our dear nurses on floor 6.  JaNae (Hi, JaNae), has an abnormally large heart and instantly became a good friend to me.  I remember her sitting by my bed side crying/laughing with me, and I was always well taken care of when she was assigned to be our nurse.  I remember feeling a genuine sense of peace when I was around her and she always has a smile on her face.   I'm so lucky to call her my friend.  


Although, I adore our families and the time we spend together, I really liked going over to JaNae's house this Mother's Day!  Meeting her family that I've heard about over the months and just plain being selfish and doing something different felt good.  I didn't cry until around midnight, after everyone else was asleep.  I started thinking about how special Colum was and how lucky I was to know him better than anyone else (besides Ry and Finn of course).  He was mine, and I have so many memories of those eyes and that beautiful smile.  


Talking with JaNae about my foggy memories on floor 6 made me realize, and this happens often, how lucky we are.  We shouldn't have survived that car accident.  We should be in wheelchairs.  We should be paralyzed.  We've come so far.  I can walk without a cane, full time now.  My Physical Therapists say that yes, I can run (for a few seconds) by Colum's Birthday which is a mere 6 weeks away.  That's 6 months ahead of schedule!  We are still healing and learning how to use our new bodies and yes there are still rough patches ahead but we are ahead of schedule people!  


On Saturday some lovely strangers put together a fundraiser for us.  Women who heard our story and decided to help.  They sold t-shirts that said 'I heart Colum' on the front and a special quote the back that said "There is no foot too small to leave an imprint on this world".  We had a great time and feel so lucky, awe-struck, and blessed to have such wonderful people trying to help us with our financial burden of medical bills.  Thank you everyone that helped, and thank you to every single person who has helped us out in any  way, big or small.  


My hair is thinning, I mean really thinning.  I normally have pretty thick hair.  But after all the trauma, medications, and a million x-rays/catscans it's just not able to stay on my head.  You can see my scalp and every time I brush it I'm surprised I had enough hair for that much to fall out.  I'm so sad about this.  I have to cut it.  I may have to cut it to my chin or even shorter.  I'm terrified.  I just don't know if I can pull off really short hair, and I don't want to feel like a boy.  I cry every time I take a shower and my hair comes out in huge clumps.  I laugh at the thought of me trying to keep a wig on at the pool this summer.  I laugh because it took an entire decade to grow my hair long... that's a long 10 years.  By the time I grow my hair long again I will be in my 40's.  I don't back-comb, I don't "style" my hair.  This hair was with me when I was pregnant with Colum.  This is the hair that was always tied back in a bun so my kids didn't yank it out.  This is the hair that would brush Colum's face as he reached in for a hug.  It's just hair and it will grow back, I'm just bummed because I finally got it to a color I loved and now I'm going bald.  Who knows maybe I will only have to cut it to my shoulders.  I'm taking vitamins, biotin, biosil, using rogaine, and just ordered ovation hair therapy.  If anybody has any cures or suggestions please advise.  As a woman, being bald (without having chemo or radiation) just ain't cool.  It's getting chopped off tomorrow.  Wish me luck!  

43 comments:

  1. I've been following your story for a few months now (I remember hearing about your accident at Christmas). I just want to tell you that I can appreciate the pain that comes with losing your hair. Sure, it's not the most important thing in the world, but it's hard. Our hair is more than just an accessory...it's part of our identity. I went through 6 months of chemo and I think losing my hair was at the top of my list of hard things, but I felt silly admitting that. You could try getting a satin pillowcase. Also, for the pool you could get one of those darling retro swim caps:) And as it grows back you can have fun with all the hair styles you were never bold enough to try before! I think you are doing amazing! Congratulations on getting to run soon!

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  2. After I had been in a coma my hair did the same from all the meds and stress my body had gone through. My wonderful hairdresser suggested I try Nioxin, from what I understand chemo patients use this and it worked miracles for me. My hair was also falling out by the handfuls. Good Luck and as always my prayers are with you and yours.

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    1. I forgot about Nioxin before I ordered Ovation Hair therapy. I'm totally gonna get it if Ovation doesn't do miracles. I'm glad others can relate. Thanks for the suggestion!

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  3. Nioxon! I am a stylistic and have used it on a ton of people. Also scalp massage stimulates growth :) You may also want to try the cleansing oils and products from doTerra to get the toxins out that are causing the hair loss.

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  4. Kelly, you are beautiful both inside and out..... Hair or no hair you will still be beautiful!!!! I hope you find something that works!!! Good luck!! Congratulations on your progress!!! I can't believe you are not even using a cane now!!! Amazing!!!! I know you will be able to run for colums birthday... I am going to run for colum to! I wish there were a fundraiser race for his birthday that would be awesome! Can I buy one of the shirts from the fundraiser? They sound precious!!!! You are such an inspiration!!! Xoxo

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    1. They are going to give me all the left over shirts and maybe I will figure how to sell them on the blog. Thanks for being a good friend.

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    2. Sounds great! Text me if I can help!!!

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    3. I would love to buys a shirt also!

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  5. Your beautiful sense of GRATITUDE carries the day! Getting through these milestone days with grace is a huge accomplishment. And you will always be gorgeous however your hair looks. But I get it--losing the hair--just one more thing!

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  6. You will be beautiful no matter what length your hair is. But going bald would be so hard...I am so sorry. You have gorgeous long hair, but I'm kind of partial to short hair :) You will have to post pix. I am so glad you had a good Mother's Day. I thought about you guys. So happy you will be running soon :) We should be running buddies :)

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    1. I'm down for a running buddy... I'm just gonna be the world's slowest runner for awhile :)

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  7. Nioxin works but can lead to dry dry scalp on most. I use to work as a hairdresser at Vidal Sassoon and it didn't sell and I heard lots of bad results. Natural ways to get your hair growing is to massage the roots your whole scalp. Cutting your hair short and one length will give it the illusion of being full. If you want some layers make sure you tell them you want graduated layers. Just some helpful hints. I love that you had an amazing mothers day <3

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  8. Happy Mother's Day to you :) You'll be so beautiful no matter what, really. Also, I really love the quote about Colum on the shirt, so special. And that's so awesome that you guys are progressing so quickly through your physical challenges! Congratulations!

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  9. Hi Kelly. I've been following your blog quietly, admiring your strength and dignity. After reading your post on hair loss I immediately thought of the great offer FranceLuxe.com has for those that are suffering hair loss. Please check it out! I love their products!! I know they would love to help you out by sending you one of their awesome head wraps.

    http://www.goodwishesscarves.org/

    Warmest wishes x Lynda

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  10. Good luck Kelly! WHatever style, I am sure you will pull it off so beautifully. Isn't it ineteresting the memories associated with things like this? I love your post. Those are some sweet memories. I would LOVE a Colum T shirt (to match our bracelets). Do you know who we could get in contact with to order one? (If there are any more). Hugs and prayers being sent your way.

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    1. I think they are going to give us the leftovers to sell. I will blog about it if they do. xoxo

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  11. Kelly,

    Try do Terra's rosemary oil. Put two drops in with your shampoo. Also, make your own shampoo or try to find shampoos with out sulfates. I'm sure your cut will look beautiful.

    Drennan Baker

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  12. Have you tried Nioxin? It's a shampoo and conditioner and it can help encourage hair growth and thickness. I've heard that some cancer doctors recommend it to their patients.

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    1. This will be my next step if the Ovation therapy doesn't work. I hear good things about it.

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  13. I wonder if you got your thyroid checked, hair loss can be a sign of horomonal imbalance. Stick with it, you can do it.

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    1. I have a very low thyroid and take a very high dose. They checked it towards the end of my stay in the hospital and it was fine. I'm going to go and have it checked again. Thanks, this one is a big one for hair loss.

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  14. I've been reading this blog for awhile - I've thought about your family since we heard of the accident. I thought of you on Mother's Day. I'm so glad it was a nice day for you. I don't know why I've followed your story - I've never done so before on other accidents or news stories or people I don't otherwise know. But Colum has touched my heart and you are so inspiring. Your words make me hug my boys closer every day. This is a strange, sometimes cruel world, but there is good. Your story, in part, has been a motivator for me to take a chance and start my own business. Something I've wanted to do for a long time but lacked the confidence to actually take the jump. My motivation is to be with my boys more and be able to quit my full time job eventually. So, I guess my point is thanks for sharing with us. Thanks for inspiring. Oh, and I second the Nioxin suggestion - I was losing hair due to medication and it helped me!

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    1. Thank you. Good Luck with your new business. I know you can do it.

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  15. Oh Kelly, I am so glad you had a good mother's day. I was worried, I thought about you. I, too, so appreciate your attitude and the fact that you practice gratitude. It inspires me, you inspire me.

    I am sorry to hear about your hair, I totally get it---it's who you are and Lord knows you have already had enough of yourself changed already. Hang in there, knowing you, you'll find a way to find joy in it. Look forward to seeing it.

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  16. You are truly amazing! And don't stress about your hair, mine is thinning a ton too! I say don't stress, but I do, I feel like most of the time that is all I have going for me! I was always the one with the long beautiful thick dark hair :( Buuuut I just roll with the punches! lol. You are so beautiful and will be beautiful no matter what happens to your hair! Promise! :D Glad to hear that you had a good mama's day! As I told you on Facebook, I thought of you often!!

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  17. Hi Kelly, I am assuming that you have had your blood checked more than you care to remember, but in case they haven't checked your iron levels, you may want to have them do that next time. Low iron (i.e., anemia) can cause hair loss (as well as multitudes of other symptoms). I have just gone thru several months of dealing with severe anemia and even though my iron levels have inched up, my hair continues to fall out.
    What ever it is that is causing it, don't stress too much. It will most likely grow back thicker and healthier :)
    Much love to you. I think about you and your story often.

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    1. I have 2 sisters with really bad anemia. I bought some iron yesterday to take with my vitamins, just in case :) Thanks for the suggestion. I took it this morning and I swear I'm happier and have more energy... but maybe it's a coincidence.

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  18. Glad you had a wonderful Mothers Day. You deserve it.

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  19. You still amaze me every day with your strength. Can we order shirts? I would love to have one! Meg in MN

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  20. Kelly, My son has thick beautiful hair, he also lost hair after surgery to remove his appendix. I heard it is the trauma and the anethesia. let us know how the ovation cell theraphy works for you, I have wanted to try it but wonder if it is worth the expense. Hope it works for you:) Charlene

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    1. I definitely will! I'm gonna use it for the first time today. I've talked to 2 people that swear it's helped them so I'm very excited. Also, I wouldn't have ordered it if they didn't have a money back guarantee. I will blog if I notice something in a month or so.

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  21. Glad you had a happy Mother's Day. (We don't know each other, I've been reading your blog for a few months) Hair loss....try Evening Primrose Oil. It's amazing I've had thin hair my entire life until I started taking EPO. I started to take it because I was a nut job menopausal crazy person (at age 38 :( ). I don't know if it will work for you, but Dr. Oz said it's great for hair loss caused by anything. My hair is thicker and healthier than it's ever been! Good Luck, lots of cute short hair styles these days. :)

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  23. So happy to hear that you had a really good Mother's Day and Finn is lucky to have a mom like you!!!! Sorry to hear that you're loosing your hair but even though I don't know you, I bet you can pull off short hair. Give it time and it will grow back just as strong as you are!!!

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  24. I am so glad you had a good Mother's Day. I have struggled with hair loss since I started fertility treatments. I was getting thin enough that I would have to put sunscreen on my head...Neutrogena spray is the best it doesn't make your hair all sticky. I have tried Nioxin...not much difference. Nioxin is pricey but I have a complete new set if you want it, just let me know and I will get it to you. I tried Rogaine, didn't like how it made my hair feel and the fact that if you stop using it your hair falls out again. My hairdresser, who has witnessed my balding head, gave me a bottle of Fo-Ti. As I researched it I found that almost all the hair loss pills contain this as a main ingredient. It is a ginger root "ancient Chinese secret';) It is very inexpensive. I have been using it for about 3-4 months. It is crazy how much my hair has grown in. It is not back to normal yet,but has drastically improved. You can order it on Amazon here is the link to the one I am using. It says to take 8 a day, I thought that was a little much but it doesn't work well unless you take eight. http://www.amazon.com/Solaray-Fo-Ti-610mg-100-Capsule/dp/B000I4AG70/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1337624186&sr=8-9)
    Sorry for the mini novel. Also, Sally's has a great product called Topix. It is a fiber that you put on your scalp and it makes a huge difference! You can't see the white head anymore. I used it while I was doing fertility and didn't want to take meds. It makes me at least not self conscious about my hair loss. Good Luck I hope this helps! Hugs to you! Rachel

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  25. Hi Kelly, I don't know you personally, but have followed your story! What AMAZING!!! People you and your husband are! I am touched by your story and amazed by the strength you have!!!! You will have no idea how many lives you will touch because of your life and your experiences either through your blog or other ways!!! You probably won't even know that you are inspiring people but you are and you will!! About the hair......I am also a stylist and I have worked with a number of thinning hair for different reasons and this is what I have found.... Nioxin has worked on some but not on others it seems to slow the hair loss down but doesn't really make it come back. The other one I would recommend is CHI Power Plus Hair Loss Prevention Kit. It comes in a red box the bottles are white with black writing. You can get it online just google it. I have seen this work!!!!!! On older balding women and on post surgery clients. And it worked on all of them. Good Luck!!! You are beautiful!!!!!!!!

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  26. Kelly- I had the same thing happen to my hair after several traumatic experiences..I too had to cut it. I take fish oil every day and do scalp massages at least once a week. It has taken 3 years but my hair is finally growing and coming back to it's "norm". My Dr said this is very normal after traumatic experiences and surgeries. Best of luck to you... You are a beautiful, brave and very strong person- Something someone told me that helped... Your hair doesn't make you who you are, you do!

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  27. There is a thing called a halo that you can purchase. http://www.halohairextensions.com/ This is a great way to keep your hair but fill it in and it won't ruin the hair you have left.

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    1. This is perfect! Thank you so much. I'm contacting the company to see which color they recommend. Hurray, thanks to you I may not have to wear a hat or wig everyday! Thank you a million times over. I will blog about it if it works out!

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