Strangely, I think I had the best Mother's Day yet. I missed Colum. I always miss my baby. But, I just had an overwhelming sense of feeling grateful that Finn survived and how much I loved being a Mom. We did it different this year. We only stopped by our Mom's houses instead of staying awhile and making it an all day event. We went to our friend JaNae's house for a BBQ. JaNae was one of our dear nurses on floor 6. JaNae (Hi, JaNae), has an abnormally large heart and instantly became a good friend to me. I remember her sitting by my bed side crying/laughing with me, and I was always well taken care of when she was assigned to be our nurse. I remember feeling a genuine sense of peace when I was around her and she always has a smile on her face. I'm so lucky to call her my friend.
Although, I adore our families and the time we spend together, I really liked going over to JaNae's house this Mother's Day! Meeting her family that I've heard about over the months and just plain being selfish and doing something different felt good. I didn't cry until around midnight, after everyone else was asleep. I started thinking about how special Colum was and how lucky I was to know him better than anyone else (besides Ry and Finn of course). He was mine, and I have so many memories of those eyes and that beautiful smile.
Talking with JaNae about my foggy memories on floor 6 made me realize, and this happens often, how lucky we are. We shouldn't have survived that car accident. We should be in wheelchairs. We should be paralyzed. We've come so far. I can walk without a cane, full time now. My Physical Therapists say that yes, I can run (for a few seconds) by Colum's Birthday which is a mere 6 weeks away. That's 6 months ahead of schedule! We are still healing and learning how to use our new bodies and yes there are still rough patches ahead but we are ahead of schedule people!
On Saturday some lovely strangers put together a fundraiser for us. Women who heard our story and decided to help. They sold t-shirts that said 'I heart Colum' on the front and a special quote the back that said "There is no foot too small to leave an imprint on this world". We had a great time and feel so lucky, awe-struck, and blessed to have such wonderful people trying to help us with our financial burden of medical bills. Thank you everyone that helped, and thank you to every single person who has helped us out in any way, big or small.
My hair is thinning, I mean really thinning. I normally have pretty thick hair. But after all the trauma, medications, and a million x-rays/catscans it's just not able to stay on my head. You can see my scalp and every time I brush it I'm surprised I had enough hair for that much to fall out. I'm so sad about this. I have to cut it. I may have to cut it to my chin or even shorter. I'm terrified. I just don't know if I can pull off really short hair, and I don't want to feel like a boy. I cry every time I take a shower and my hair comes out in huge clumps. I laugh at the thought of me trying to keep a wig on at the pool this summer. I laugh because it took an entire decade to grow my hair long... that's a long 10 years. By the time I grow my hair long again I will be in my 40's. I don't back-comb, I don't "style" my hair. This hair was with me when I was pregnant with Colum. This is the hair that was always tied back in a bun so my kids didn't yank it out. This is the hair that would brush Colum's face as he reached in for a hug. It's just hair and it will grow back, I'm just bummed because I finally got it to a color I loved and now I'm going bald. Who knows maybe I will only have to cut it to my shoulders. I'm taking vitamins, biotin, biosil, using rogaine, and just ordered ovation hair therapy. If anybody has any cures or suggestions please advise. As a woman, being bald (without having chemo or radiation) just ain't cool. It's getting chopped off tomorrow. Wish me luck!