::pack:: of fixations



life after tragedy. living while grieving. love and triplets.

4.30.2012

Hearing all trials

So now the fun stuff is starting.  And by fun, I mean fighting for Justice.  The Preliminary Hearing for Utah State against Thomas Randall Ainsworth is tomorrow at 9:00am.  Ryan and I have been subpoenaed to take the witness stand.  I honestly can't believe this is happening.  I've kept mum all this time about the trial on purpose.  I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say or not say.  This is going to be a very long drawn out process.  I will probably rarely, if at all write about it, until it's over.  It will probably be in the media a lot, and we have chosen to not speak to the media about our case from here on out.


From what I understand he is trying to get out so he can do physical therapy.  Physical therapy can be done in a jail cell, or a hospital bed <--I know from personal experience.  Him.  The man that got into his Suburban, turned the key with meth running through his veins, jumped a 3 foot tall landscaped median and hit our Subaru Outback going 60 mph on Christmas Eve.  Severely injuring 3 out of 4 of us; killing 1 of the 3, and changing our lives forever.  I have to be in the same room with him.  He nor his family has made any effort to apologize to us.  


I keep having thoughts running through my head.  Will I even look at him?  Will I yell and scream at him?  Will I want to yell and scream at him?  Will I cry?  Will I feel angry?  Can I hold it together?


We've met with our Crime advocate 'guy' who explained to us how this process goes.  He told us an interesting fact: only about 1 in 20 cases end up making it to trial.  I find this to be an interesting statistic.  A small percentages of cases get thrown out etc, but most of the time they don't make it to trial due to plea bargains.  As an example of a plea bargain we would agree that the prosecutor drop a percentage of his charges and he agrees to plead guilty to the rest.  The trial process would be over but he wouldn't get as many counts on his record.  This, is highly unlikely to happen in our case.  He was charged with (3) 2nd degree felonies.  One for the injuries he caused to me, one for Ryan, and one for the injury/death of Colum.  It would be almost impossible for us to agree to drop any of these (3), being what they represent.  As in, we are very most-likely going to trial baby!  We are the 1 out of the 20.


It's also disheartening to know that he has an attorney whom will be fighting for him... fighting against us.  Fighting against the people who were driving home, headed eastbound on their side of the road, following all the laws, and minding their own business.  I know that this is just part of the justice system of our beautiful country, but when it's happening to you, it's hard.  I want him/us to all have a fair trial, and the 'fight' is a big part of that.  I'm glad that we are on the 'good guys' team.  


One minute Colum was right behind me living and breathing anticipating Santa Claus, and the next minute we were hit; he was gone.  This man has changed me.  I cry everyday and literally ache because of his decisions.  


Christmas Day.  Our little boy on life support.  Our last moments with him.

Daddy saying goodbye.


We will fight.  Fight for our aching bodies.  Fight for the life cut short of our precious son.  I love you Colum.  Mommy and Daddy are going to fight until the end for you!  Fight to keep this one man off the road!  We are broken, but we are strong.  


Colum, you were perfect.  You were beautiful.  Your happiness was contagious.  I miss you.

He would turn on the radio button in this little car & dance and dance.  I love him.

I miss those eyes squinting in the sunlight.

71 comments:

  1. My heart just aches for you while reading and looking at these photos. I can't even imagine what you have had to go through but have followed your story from the beginning and just want to say you are strong and to hang in there. I hope this man and his family get the justice they deserve! Such innocence lost by such a irresponsible person! Just know you are in my thoughts and I hope the best for you and your family. Fight for Colum!

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  2. heartbreaking.... I never want to know this kind of pain and I'm so very sorry that you have to. I cant eve imagine and don't want to. I hope you get the justice you so deserve.

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  3. Oh Kelly I will put in extra prayers for your family as you guys continue to go through more horrible stress in your lives.I have been following your blog since the accident but have not commented before your story has been so heart wrenching to me.We travel that road often as we live in Riverton and my parents live in Sandy. Christmas Eve night we saw the accident as we were headed home and chose to get on the freeway.I also have two sons and although they are much older then yours I just can't imagine life without them. I too have felt the loss of a life time of dreams through miscarriage and at times it has left me feeling crazy so when I heard your story I was just so sad that another mother had to know that crazy feeling of loss on an even deeper level.I'm so sorry! Fight hard and know there are so many of us who will be fighting right along with you though you cannot see us we are here.XOXO Charlene

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  4. There really are no words to that seem fitting as a response to what you are experiencing...every phrase I can think of seems too simple or cliche. But, I want you guys to know how much my heart breaks hearing your story, reading your posts, and thinking of what each of you have gone through and are going through. The pictures of your last moments with your sweet baby are heart-wrenching. They are so special and tender, yet so awful ( as in no parent should EVER have to experience it). It is absolutely not fair, and any sense of justice that comes from this is absolutely appropriate and necessary. I truly hope that you find peace and purpose in this process. I think of your family often and have followed your website from the beginning, but have never commented. But those photos are so moving and just made me cry...thanks for sharing such a personal moment. I hope and pray you continue to heal in every sense and way...you guys are amazing!

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  5. My heart aches for you tonight. I wish I could muster words that could bring you some sort of comfort but I have none. I read your post regularly and your story has really touched me. You're sons are precious. I am so sorry this happened to you.I cannot imagine the pain you suffer everyday. I will be praying for you tomorrow!

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  6. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I'm sorry for your physical and emotional pain. I'm so sorry you lost your sweet baby boy. I will pray for you. That's the most powerful thing I know how to do. I do believe it will help. I appreciate you sharing your story. You make me stronger. Thank you.

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  7. I'm disgusted that he nor his family has apologized or reached out to you in anyway. I would forever be in debt to the person I took a family member from, especially a child from. This just really shocks me that they would see no need to even just apologize. I'm glad he is the 1 in 20 that has to go to court over this.

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  8. I feel so bad that you guys have just returned from a fun vacation, and you are being forced to relive this. I sometimes think about how much other people's decisions can really affect our lives, but I cannot comprehend it on a level that you are being forced to experience. I am sorry. It just doesn't even seem like enough to say. I don't have words to describe what I have felt for you guys. By being strong, you will keep this person where he belongs, and the far reaching effects of that will be on a scale that cannot be measured. Your sweet baby is the most precious beautiful boy. I pray for you as all of this occurs that justice will be served in memory and for your sweet Colum (one of the most precious little men that have touched so many with his beautiful spirit). Thinking of you guys, and praying for your strength. Let us all know if we can help you in any way. I know that sounds cliche, but I mean it: ANYTHING to help you guys at all.....

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  9. He doesn't even deserve a fair trail. I can't even begin to imagine the sort if person who can look at those gut wrenching photos of your last moments with that sweet sweet angel and somehow defend him!!!!!!!! I wanna scream!!!!! My heart aches for you constantly. Ever since i heard your story I think of you every day. I will pray for peace comfort and strength for you and your family in the coming weeks! That baby boy is beautiful!!!!!!! This just isn't fair.

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  10. FIGHT FOR YOUR FAMILY AND FOR COLUM!!!!!!!! I couldn't agree with you more....he can do his therapy behind bars where he belong. He has NO right to get out for ANY reason after what he has done to all of you!!
    Every time I drive by where the accident happened, I cry and I pray.
    You all have EVERYONE'S support and we will all be behind you guys 100%!
    You have a beautiful family and two very beautiful boys!
    I like what my friend just told me...... "An Eye for An Eye". He needs to have done to him what he has done to you and yours. I'm sorry if that was too much!
    Stay strong.

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  11. I am so sorry :( You are in my thoughts and prayers! My heart just aches for you and your entire family right now.

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  12. Those pictures just break my heart all over again for you, Kelly & Ryan. I am sooo sorry you have to go through this. I wish with all my heart that you didn't. I really struggle with the unfairness of this. Good luck today and be strong. You fight like hell for your precious, sweet baby. I will be thinking of you and praying for you.

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  13. Everyone in this country deserves a fair trial. Even the scoundrels. We are lucky we live in such a country. In the end there will be a great satisfaction knowing that he was convicted (and I feel sure he will be) in spite of all the advantages our system gives to a criminal because he will get what he deserves. It will be very tough to hear that he is "innocent until proven guilty." You WILL want to scream out at him, but I know you will take the high road as you have from the very beginning. I know you will restrain yourself, as you are an incredibly strong woman. There will be an opportunity at the sentencing hearing for you to give a victim impact statement, and then you may say it all.

    No one expects you to hold back your tears. You wouldn't be real without them. He will have to be confronted with all the consequences of his terrible actions and choices as the prosecutor goes through the evidence. Then, I feel certain, he will have to live out the harsh reality as he is locked up for a very long time, and the law-abiding people will be safe from his careless stupidity. What a waste of a life, both his and dear Colum's.

    I am SO sorry you have to go through this and pray that you may have strength and even peace throughout. I know that going into the courtroom for most of the hearings we went through made my blood pressure rise every time. You and Ryan can lean on each other, and you have a world full of friends and family members who are there to buoy you up.

    Our thoughts, prayers and love go with you. May you receive justice, satisfaction, and a peace that goes beyond understanding.

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  14. Kelly, every time I see pictures of your little man I just burst out in tears. He is perfect and just beautiful. I am glad to hear that you are fighting and being strong for him and your family. I have been following your blog since the beginning, since I saw the accident. Kelly, you are such a hero to me, and I couldn’t thank you enough for what you have done for me, I’m sure other women who have read your blog would say the same thing. I couldn’t imagine what you have gone through and even when I start to think about it, I start crying. You are so amazing and such an inspiration, thank you for everything. I know you and your family have some hard times ahead of you with this trial. But I know you will continue to be strong and you will be truly happy again!
    -Sarah Billingsley

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  15. Your pain is contagious as well. So sorry for your loss and I just pray that you will feel the peace of God from all of the prayers being said for your family.

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  17. Oh Kelly.... I don't know you, but I love you and I love Colum. It literally hurts my heart to think of all that you have been through. I wish there was something that I could do or say to make it all better. I wish that I could be there with you to hold your hand during this process. You are going to have to relive the worst day of your life, over and over. That is not "ok". Please know that I will be raising your entire family up in prayer as I have been for months now. XOXO

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  18. I can't even imagine. Your family is amazing and strong. Remember that you have an angel in heaven looking down on you in that courtroom. Whenever you get overwhelmed, just talk to him. Ask him to guide you. Ask him to be with you. And there he is. You can do this. Fight for Colum!

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  19. Amen ! Praying for your precious family as you fight for what is good and beautiful in this world. Be patient with yourself. No one can imagine the emotionaly peaks and valleys of your pain, anger, fear, and resolve.

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  20. Kelly, bless your heart. I feel bad you guys have had to endure so much. Definitely not fair. You will so be the 1 in 20 going to trial and the great thing about that is that there is a jury. This state of Utah and community knows your story and has been on your side from day one. There is no way a jury around here will side with that loser. He is going to prison for a very long time where he can't ruin anyone else's life. And seriously, who cares if he gets physical therapy there or not after all he's put you through. He should be glad he is not getting the death sentence. His actions were every bit as careless as someone who commits murder intentionally! I hope you continue to heal physically and stay strong emotionally. You are one hell of a fighter and you will win! Colum is beautiful and will not be forgotten!

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  21. when i was a junior in high school, a friend of mine who was a senior was killed on the first day of school. he was driving home, sitting at a red light, when a trucker who'd fallen asleep at the wheel plowed into him from behind. that alone wouldn't have killed him, but when he was pushed into the intersection, he was hit again by a car who was innocently driving through (they had a green light & were not in any way at fault). i remember taking a detour home because the road was blocked for a medevac (helicopter) to land in the road & found out later that night it was my friend & a friend of his. the gurney i saw being wheeled to the helicopter was holding a friend of mine who died hours later at the hospital.

    anyway, that's the backstory... i DO have a point! ;-) from what i know, the driver never faced jail time. i'm not sure if that means he was never CRIMINALLY charged or not - if he was, you'd think the charges would include something like involuntary manslaughter or probably vehicular homicide. but he DID face CIVIL charges, and my friend's family was paid $3,000,000 (one million each for his mother, father, and sister). his sister later wrote to us and said that the money doesn't matter - it isn't REALLY justice. no punishment in any case where a death is involved can TRULY be justice because ultimately that life cannot be brought back. jail time at least keeps them from doing it again, and takes away their life to the fullest extent possible short of death (i've always believed life without parole is a worse punishment than the death penalty, you still die but you have to suffer for years beforehand with no hope of getting out).

    in my friend's case, the money was purely compensation for the family's pain & suffering emotionally (as far as i understand it). how do you put a price tag on that? the sister said something about using it to pay off college and buying a house in cash so she wouldn't have a mortgage, but that ultimately it's just money and couldn't make up for the loss of her brother.

    all of this to say... although i would NEVER claim to understand what you're facing, i DO understand some of the logistics of how it works and the emotions involved as much as someone from the outside looking in is able to. for the criminal case, be sure not to comment too much on the particulars until it is over - any little thing could be used by the defense which i'm sure is the last thing you want. worst case, it could even let him walk, or at least have a mistrial declared, prolonging your ordeal.

    i'll be praying for peace & comfort during this time, that God will provide for all of your needs, heal your physical bodies and your broken hearts. that He will give you the strength you'll need to get through these proceedings, and the grace to be the "bigger person" despite this monster's lack of concern over the consequences of his actions. that his apparent focus on himself above your family will not drive you insane. that in ALL of this, the focus will remain on THE BIGGEST VICTIM OF ALL - THE SMALLEST ONE - COLUM.

    please let us know if you ever decide to do anything in his name - i'd love to participate or support you however possible. for now just focus on getting healed and through the legal mess. praying for all of you!

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  22. I will be praying that your and Ryan's day today in court goes as well as possible, though I know that may be impossible with all that you all have been through. I just wanted to say I will be praying for you and your family. You, Ryan, Finn, and Colum will all be on my mind.

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  23. I have no words but I'll pray that your family receive's justice. Even knowing that justice with never ease the ache you feel for Colum it may save other lives and I believe the man responsible needs to pay the consequences of his choices. I'll be praying for you family as well, I'm sure this will be one more difficult thing to get through as if you haven't been through enough already. Sending Love, Hugs and so many prayers.

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  24. Oh Kelly!!! My heart just breaks for you and your family. I think about and pray for you every single day. I found your blog through NieNie and I can't stay away. Something about Column....he looks like my Ben. They are about the same age and to hear you describe him, it is as if you are talking about my little guy. My husband would ask me, why do you read this? It makes you cry??!!?? I always say, I just need to check in on her....make sure she is okay. I know you still hurt, your heart still aches, but you are ok. Find comfort in knowing how much support you have, how many lives you have touched all over the country. I really hope you feel that support during all of this. Also know that your story has made many mommas stop and kiss their kids one more time before tucking them in bed, say I love you one more time before dropping them off at school, and readthem one more book before they turn out the light. You have made us mommas stop and really make sure our kiddos know that we love them. Thank you for sharing your life with all of us and YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS! CLO

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  25. I have been following your blog since shortly after the accident. My heart breaks for you and your family. I have cried so many times reading your blog. As a mother I physically hurt for you. I pray that justice is served and this man gets what he deserves. Keeping your family in my prayers. Seeing those pictures above of your precious son makes me so sad. Every time I think of what you all went through I just want to cry. You are such a strong woman, that is obvious by your blog. Stay strong and please keep those of us out of state updated on what happens at the trial.

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  26. Keep fighting! Your family is in my thoughts and prayers, this man is sickening and I hope justice is served. He really deserves to spend the rest of his life in prison.

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  27. I have been following you since this happened and my heart breaks for you and your family for all that you have gone through and continue to go through. I know its not the same but we lost my little brother in Dec, and the pain I feel is like nothing I have ever felt, so I can only imagine the pain that you as a parent can be feeling. I hope and pray for your family and that this man is put away for a long time.

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  28. Oh man, I literally burst into tears looking at the sadness in Ryan's eyes. I am so so sorry. I hope you endured today. I hope you got through it; that you said what you needed today. I don't understand why life can be so unfair Kelly. I wish the wretched people that are taking meth on Christmas Eve were the ones to be hurting, but it always seems to be the innocent. I will be earnest in my prayers for you. You will be on my heart and mind. Colum, sweet baby, you are so loved.

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  29. I can't imagine what you guys went through today. Praying. So much. It hurts and I've been sobbing since I read it. It's not even my own baby. I pray that justice is served and that you will know peace like you've never known before. ((hugs))

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  30. i love you, kel!!! i hope today went as well as it could have. JUSTICE!!!!! xoxo

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  31. I don't have the right words, just know we're here to support you and know you will fight for all you have been through. You and Ry are two of the most incredible people we know! Love you- chad and kim

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  32. Kelly :( ugh, those pictures break my heart all over again. Colum is so gorgeous. I wish I knew what to say. He's just perfect. I still cry for you guys everyday.

    How dare that bastard. I'm so mad you have to face him and testify. He doesn't deserve it. Doesn't deserve any kind of "fair" trial. I hate that part of the system. He made a terrible decision and should have to pay the price fair and square.
    I'm glad you're Gunna fight! and I know you'll win. Your hearts are more than broken but they're in the right place. You and Ryan are so strong, strong enough to move mountains and strong enough to put an asshole in prison!
    So much love to you, Ryan and Finn!!!

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  33. Wow! "Eye for eye", "doesn't deserve a fair trial". I get the pain, but what about Christian compassion? "Turn the other cheek". Everyone is not perfect, few are.

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  34. Anonymous above me, you should re-read her post, because it appears you made these things up yourself about how Kelly feels, as she didn't say any of those things. Kelly, you are amazing; that's right: FIGHT FOR JUSTICE!!!! Nothing can reverse what happened, but I imagine seeing justice through would help with healing (and if nothing else, just knowing that a danger on the road has been eliminated). I can't imagine the way your lives have been permanently changed. I think about you, send positive vibes and pray for you all daily. I know that justice will be served; it just HAS to. Love to you and your sweet family.

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  35. I pulled from comments left. Not the original post. Not saying a thing about Kelly, just the comments left.

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  36. Hi Kelly,
    As I write this I wonder if you read these comments? And I also wonder what in the world I can say at all...it just doesn't want to come out. Anything I could say wouldn't be enough. Tears are rolling down my face as I write this. When I saw the photos...Oh God there was the sharpest, most horrible pain through my heart. And I know it's nothing, absolutely nothing compared to the pain in your heart.
    I want to tell you how strong I find you for writing this all down and sharing those photos. I want to tell you that I am going to talk to God about you as soon as I finish typing this and I am going to beg him for mercy for your family. But I just don't expect any of those things to make you feel better at all.
    I hope the justice system works in this case and I hope your family finds peace somehow, some way.
    So much love, SO much from Texas-
    Amy

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  37. I don't even know why I'm commenting. You don't know me at all & I live in Illinois. I came across your blog a few weeks ago (I don't even know where) and have been reading your posts. The hospital pictures you posted are heartbreaking and precious at the same time. I applaud you for going to trial and I sincerely hope justice is served. I'm in awe about how hard this has been and will continue to be for you and your family, but I think you're doing the right thing and I don't know how I could think anything but that especially after looking at those photos. I'm sure your son is behind you 100%. Very best of luck. Prayers from Illinois to you...Lynne

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  38. stay strong, the fight will be worth it. You are continually in our thoughts and prayers..

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  39. Oh, my heart just aches for you. What a beautiful, beautiful baby.

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  40. I'm so very sad for you tonight. This post made my heart ache and tears to flow in deepest compassion for you and your family. This post exudes the passion of a mother, and I'm sure all of us mother's hurt deeply even imagining your pain. I'm so so very sorry for you.

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  41. Oh Kelly...this just breaks my heart. Colum is beautiful. You guys are strong. I am so sorry that you have to be in the same room as him. I don't know what I would do. I think someone else said this too, but Ryan's face was the first thing I saw in the first pic, which broke my resolve to not cry on every single one of your posts. I'm glad someone thought to take pix of your last moments with Colum. Love you guys. Praying that this trial will end soon, with Justice served, so you all can heal.

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  42. Still right here standing by you as a mother whose heart breaks for you and feels like it's battling right along with you right now. So many tears of anguish for you. Bless your soul.

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  43. You don't know me (I came across your blog in a post on TB), but I just felt the need to comment here. I've been following your blog since January. My heart is absolutely broken for you and your family. I cannot even imagine the pain and angst you and your family are going through. My thoughts are with you all during this incredibly difficult time. May you find the strength through each other, and through the memory of baby Colum. And may you find justice! ((hugs))

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  44. Kelly,

    My heart aches seeing those pictures, looking at his beautiful little locks, his tiny forehead, all the things mothers notice about their beautiful little ones. He took those things away from you, and that is the biggest heartbreak of all. He interrupted your 'story' by not thinking before he did that meth and got in that car. If there is one thing I know about you Kelly, though, it's that you are one strong Mama. I remember when you waxed my eyebrows, the pain you were going through at that time and how you always handled it with such grace. Perhaps that was a preparation for now and this huge trial--the trial of losing your baby.

    I love you, Kelly.

    Danni

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  45. Please find a chapter of MADD in your area. They will fight with you. They were a big help to me after our "accident."

    You are all in my prayers. I hope he gets the maximum amount of time the law allows. There is NO excuse for what happened. Sadly, it happens every day.

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  46. Kelly, I also looked up some stuff on MADD a few months ago, thinking of you and your sweet family. Although MADD was mostly started for drunk driving, I think the stories are similiar to your guys' situation, and the support found through this may be a great comfort and support through this. We all love you and your family, and think of you all the time. (hugs)

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  47. PS I think that if it doesn't already, MADD should incorporate ALL substance impaired driving, as there is starting to be more and more issues with all types of substances and distractions on our roads (scary and heart wrenching).

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  48. Those pictures of you saying good-bye to your sweet baby. There are just no words I can say. I just want to send love your way for all you have been and are going through.

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  49. May you feel all the "Mama Love" that is surrounding you right now when you have to face the evil that took Colum. Your son is a beautiful angel.

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  50. Lots of prayers for true Justice coming your way!! We're all fighting for you!!

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  51. It's so hard to look at those pictures of your last moments in the hospital with him. He looks so much like my boys in those pictures. I don't want to imagine myself in your shoes. Thank you for sharing and helping us realize how fortunate we are for what we have. Our prayers will be with you through these tough times to come.

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  52. This has to do more with your previous post, about people passing judgment based on the way you walk. I just saw this beautiful video about this beautiful woman whose spirit just shines through. She is so inspiring, and the rest of us have a LOT to learn!
    http://www.godvine.com/Girl-Voted-The-Ugliest-Woman-on-YouTube-Makes-a-Heartfelt-Video-1464.html

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  53. I have been reading your blog since shortly after the accident after seeing another blogger ask for prayer for your family. I haven't commented before, but just wanted to let you know that I am praying for your family -- for peace, physical healing, comfort, and the justice God sees fit to bestow. Those pictures break my heart and bring me to tears. God is with you through all of this and I pray that you can feel His presence. I'm so sorry for your loss, your pain, and this added trauma of having to face this man and go to trial. I will keep you in my prayers.

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  54. crying and crying at the images of your precious baby boy. it is so unfair and I wish I could do something to take away the pain you and your family feel. I will never forget your precious baby! keep fighting! justice WILL be served!!

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  55. Kelly, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Your sweet Colum reminds me of my Ezra, both blondies in a brunette family. Not that you've forgotten but I wanted to remind you of the meaning of his name, dove. I pray your beautiful dove will grant you peace and strength. I want you to know that even though I don't know your family I love you. I love Colum. My heart breaks for you. In honor of him I have hung two doves in my daughter's nursery.

    Love from Las Vegas

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  56. Hi Kelly & Family,
    I came across your instgram account and wanted to know more about your precious Colum.  Your story is so heartbreaking yet your strength is uplifting and beautiful.  The pictures of your last goodbyes, there are no words.  
    I have given my daughter extra hugs and kisses all day in honor of your Colum and have been saying a prayer every time I think of you and your family. I wish you strength during the trial and hope it brings comfort.  

    With love,
    Courtney (instagram: myollilove)
    Dayton, Ohio

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  57. Sarah from ChicagoMay 5, 2012 at 11:31 AM

    Kelly, I have followed your blog for a few months now checking in periodically to see and hear how the strongest woman I don't know is doing. I admire you for your courage, your faith and your hope. I think about you and your beautiful family often and keep you all in my prayers. What a tragic situation you have been put into, I pray that peace finds you and your family soon and that justice is served for you all.

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  58. The pictures of you and your husband saying goodbye to your beautiful son are heart wrenching. I am so sorry you both had to go through that. So very sorry.

    Wishing you all strength and hope in the days to come.

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  59. Colum is so beautiful. I am sending your family all my love, prayers, and strength as you go forward through this incredibley hard journey. You will be reunited with your miraculous boy. It is just so unfair that you have been robbed of your time together on earth. He is with you every second just as you are with him as he is in Heaven.

    Love and Hugs,
    Kelly and family in Seattle

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  60. I met you once when you were pregnant,and close to delivery, with Finn. I had just had my little girl and we talked about the pains of fertility and the unimaginable joy of finally having a baby. Not only did I leave with fabulous brows, but also a happiness for you that you had Finn coming to your family. I can't even imagine loosing Colum, a precious gift that you never took for granted. I am not sure what happened on your first day of trial, but...I kinda hope that you yelled at him and I wish he was forced to read your entries. I wish that there was a way for him to feel your families pain. I don't think many people could handle five minutes of what you and Ryan feel constantly. You deserve every emotion you have...Hugs and loves to you and Ryan through this time.:)

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  61. I just came upon your blog and story today. My heart aches for you. I've been through some really traumatic experiences, but what you've had to go through is above and beyond. Your sweet Colum will ALWAYS be a part of you. You and your family are absolutely amazing, and deserve nothing but sunshine in your future. I hope the person who did this to you guys gets the worst possible punishment.

    Sending love from Chicago,
    Melissa

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  62. The look in your husband's eyes in that photo. Inexpressible pain. I. Am. So. Sorry.

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  63. I debated writing, but something inside me is telling me to just do it already! Theses pictures of Colum kill me every time I look at them. So sweet and innocent...so unfair. To say me heart breaks for you is an understatement, my heart shatters into a gazillion pieces for you quite often. Just know that I, like so many others, are your biggest fans standing on the Sidelines cheering, yelling, ranting and raving you on to Go, Fight, Win!!!!

    Love, Ashlee Nielsen (fb friend)

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  64. I cry every single time I read your blog and see pictures of your beautiful family. You are amazing. I can not even begin to imagine the pain you are going through. I am a mom of two young boys, so this story broke my heart the first moment I saw it on the news on Christmas Eve. I cried and prayed for you, a stranger, because my heart was broken for you. I get frustrated with my boys and usually am reminded of your story and I almost instantly refocus. Thank you for sharing your story...

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  65. Keep fighting Kelly! Thank you so much for sharing your life!

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  66. YOU are amazing, you are a blessing to each of us by the messages and stories you share. You help us to remember what is important, family. Thank you for sharing your most sacred moments and pictures with us. Sending love and many prayers to your family.

    Hugs,
    Kathy B.

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  67. Stay strong! I know you don't know me, but your family has been in my thoughts and prayers for months now. Fight this fight knowing that God is caring for your precious baby and that thousands of people (whom you don't even know) are fighting with you. Thank you for sharing your story (although I cry right along with you as I read every bit). I am praying that justice is served and this man receives the appropriate consequences for his terrible choices. Fight with all your might!

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  68. It's the nightmare that wont end huh :( I wish you luck in the trial. I know having to face that man will be hard but you will do it and hopefully get some justice for the loss of your sweet boy and for all of your family's suffering. Then maybe you can move onto to something good, something that will get you over a 5. I'm thinking of you and yours often. Usually I read your blog, then I have to process it for a day and then I come back and comment. I had to process this one for a long time, those pictures are heartbreaking. Love you tons. Continue what your doing, you are an amazing person Kelly.

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  69. would really love an update!!!

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    1. Hi,

      I wish I could but I'm not going to be talking about the trial until it's over. Anything I say could possibly jeopardize our case, and I'm not willing to do that. If there's ever anything that I can mention or anything in the media I will post it. Thanks for your support.

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  70. Oh my gosh Kelly! Those pictures are SO heartbreaking. Ugh... my heart aches for you guys. Love, love, love you cute girl.

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