::pack:: of fixations



life after tragedy. living while grieving. love and triplets.

4.08.2012

Happy Easter

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter.  We went to Grandma Packs and did our annual Easter egg scavenger hunt.  I appreciate all the thought and planning she puts into it every year.  Discovered Finn loves 'Peeps' something I don't understand but I think they are cute.  We visited Colum's grave.  I cried a little because I remember exactly what he was wearing last year and I missed him with us this year.  I am trying to force myself to think of ideas for his headstone daily, I even put a reminder in my phone.  I want it to be beautiful and perfect for him, but it's really hard for me to do this.  But I need to because I want it up by his Birthday if possible.

And, we are getting ready for a beach getaway next week.  This is our 3rd booked vacation for our 10th anniversary (back in Oct), the other 2 didn't happen... so I'm excited to finally be going somewhere and just relaxing as a family.  We NEVER go anywhere, so this is so exciting for us.  I've been half way packed for a week already.  I'm excited to see Finn as he experiences the beach for the first time, sand in between his toes, making sandcastles, and the beauty of the ocean.  I'm excited not to worry about groceries, or cleaning, or any responsibilities for awhile.  

I have good days and I have bad days.  I cry everyday.  We watched 'Life As We Know It', it came out a few years ago, and I think we saw it when I was pregnant with Colum.  It's a story that is sorta polar opposite than ours about 2 people that dislike each other but their best friends die in a car crash and they become the caretakers of their baby.  They have their ups and downs but they learn to live with their new lives and make the most out of it.  I enjoyed re-watching this movie again.  I think that's what I'm striving  for now is making the most out my life and our lives together.  Although, part of my soul has been taken from me, I still want to make happy memories with my family and actually enjoy living again.  I'm excited about what lies ahead and feel that I've already grown wiser and stronger from all this pain.  I don't think that the things that used to get me down will even effect me anymore.   There really is nothing better than a healthy, happy family.

13 comments:

  1. Have so much fun at the beach! Finn will be so cute :) Good seeing you guys at the neighborhood egg hunt...sorry I didn't really get to talk to you with all of the craziness going on. You are so amazing and positive.

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  2. I have been reading your blog and cannot imagine what u have been going through, all your injures, losing your son. My prayers are with u, your husband and son, Finn.
    Have a wonderful time at the beach with your lovely family.

    Colum will always bet with you, wherever you go. Bless you!

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  3. So excited for you and your family! A beach vay-kay will be just what the Dr. ordered. Colum will be there with you guys, celebrating in spirit. Watch for signs of him... I am glad that you had a happy Easter. I continue to lift your family up in prayer.
    Lots of love,
    Kelsey

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  4. What exciting plans! I can't wait to see pictures from the beach! I miss the beach! I haven't ever seen the movie you talk about but it sounds like a good one. Sad that things like this have to happen, but there is a way through them, I guess huh! I admire your strength and courage! I admire your tears and the willingness to publicly grieve. I think it helps us all to remember what's important. You are an AMAZING mother to 2 little boys and lucky for one he will be your angel always. He won't have to experience the pain and hurt of this life, unfortunately you will. I know he will give you strength, you are never alone. Our prayers are still with you hon! Much love!

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  5. No one deserves a nice vacation more than you do. I hope it is everything you want it to be and more.

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  6. Kelly, I hope you have a great time! Maybe once you get to the beach and relax you will come up with the perfect headstone for your precious boy! I hope it just comes to you and you will know it is just what you wanted. Still praying for you and Ryan everyday!

    Xoxo amanda

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  7. Your attitude is inspiring. Our family is still praying for yours. Hope your vacation is great!

    The Baker family

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  8. Peeps are the worst and our kids LOVE them, so we totally get that. Happy you were able to have a nice holiday. We were thinking of you guys. We are so happy you get to spend some time away together at the beach, we know you'll have a great time. You've both been a huge inspiration to us as parents and as Hubby and wife and you make us want to be better in every single way. We love you all so much xoxo Chad & Kim & Kiddo's

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  9. I thought a lot about you on Easter weekend... hoping that you were doing okay. I'm still praying for your "now" and hoping for your future. I am excited for you to enjoy a family vacation together! Have fun and don't think about home!

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  10. I'm excited for you guys to go on a vacation, you all will have a great time! I can only imagine how hard it would be wanting to come up with beautiful headstone for Colum but whatever you guys choose, it will be beautiful! You're a very strong lady Kelly!

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  11. Hoping you all have a wonderful time :)

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  12. Hope you guys have a wonderful time on your get away. I just have to tell you, although I am sure you already know, how many lives you have touched. I don't know you but I think of you often. I read your blog then see things you have talked about and think of you and your family. I have a 19 month old boy, when the TV is on, it's on Sprout. The Fiest Elmo commercial is on all the time, it makes me think of you. I went to Costco yesterday and saw the Cinnamon Toast Crunch...yep I thought of you then too. You are never far from my mind. Thanks for sharing your story. Jessica

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  13. Yep, I'm one of those that's always thinking of you and your family as well! Not only do I have 2 boys, but my husband and I have our 10th coming up this October too. I just feel a kinship with you and will forever be concerned with your happiness. The beach and vacations in general can bring inspiration! And I can tell you are an inspired person, so I hope you get ideas for your sweet baby's headstone while your mind is in some kind of escape-mode!! I have traveled a fair amount and it seems that every plane ride or car ride or quiet moment or thoughts shared with others brings about a new epiphany of sorts. Sometimes even a brand new "plan of attack" for life in general, if that makes any sense. You inspire me; you are a beautiful person. My heart, thoughts, faith, and prayers are with you! ENJOY your getaway! Love, Alisa

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