::pack:: of fixations



life after tragedy. living while grieving. love and triplets.

3.24.2012

Today

It's 3 months ago today that we loaded up our kids into our car and turned the key to start the ignition.  Every single moment leading up to the accident, every single second with him I miss.  There's no reasoning, we don't ask ourselves "why", I don't think that God did it.  


We are so lucky to live where there are truly so many generous people and we have such wonderful friends.  A bunch of these angels worked tirelessly to throw another very successful fundraiser for us, and I got to meet a few beautiful ladies that read my blog (hi).  I can't express how grateful I feel to be offered so much bountiful generosities.  Women, whom we've never met crying with/for me on my shoulder, reaching out, and letting me know they have sorrow for my pain.  And then while I was at the fundraiser, to have family cleaning and organizing my kitchen ever so sweetly, "just showing up, cause they know I won't ask for help", THANK YOU.  His bottles were out of the cupboards and on the counter as I walked inside my house.  I don't know what it is about bottles and how you get attached to them.  You love them, you hate always washing them, but they make your baby so happy.  The sight of those bottles are just another huge SIGN that he's gone.   My baby boy is gone... and I can't get him back.


I start crying at the drop of the hat when something sparks my memory about him.  When we were in Costco, Finn pointed to the Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal and I lost it.  Colum, he loved that cereal.  I would put him in his highchair and put a few handfuls of it on his tray.  I always knew he loved it if it never ended up on the floor.  His hands would always have all that cinamon and sugar all over him along with his mouth that quickly blended with his beautiful drool.  The puffy cheetos, baby sippee cups, and cheerios.  The song "1,2,3,4" by Feist came on the radio and I lost it because on the DVD Best of Elmo 2, (best Elmo ever btw) they change the words and Feist just sings about counting to the number 4... I actually prefer the Elmo version, Colum would always stop and dance to that song.  I miss my baby.


This is supposed to be a happy post but I'm turning it sad.  I've had such an amazing day of so many doing so much.  Things are going really good for us, perps in jail, and it's giveaway time!  I'm giving away not 1, not 2, but 3 whole things.  So 3 winners!  


2 winners will win a DoTerra Introductory Kit that contains: Lavender, Lemon, and Peppermint <--- relaxing, cleansing, and revitalizing.  Combine all three in a capsule for allergies.  I love Peppermint on my temples and scalp when I need to focus or wake up.  And put Lavender on my pillow every night.  Lemon in my water...but only 1 drop because it's strong stuff.


1 winner will win DoTerra PastTense Tension Blend <---it's a roll-on that's great for headaches, amazing actually.  


To enter: leave a comment on my blog about something that makes you happy.  Because, we can all use a little happy, and maybe talk about it some more.  


I will have Finn pick winners at random on Wednesday and announce them.  

113 comments:

  1. The Festival of Colors makes me happy. I love that pu can get such a large group of vastly different people together and have them all enjoying the same thing at the same time. No one is ever grumpy there, everyone is smiling and generally laughing. It's a happy event I look forward to yearly. Also, where else on earth can you purposely ruin people's hair and clothing and not get knocked out. :)

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  2. The Sunshine makes me Happy. I love it as the sun goes down and some of the Mountains are shaded and the ones in the back still have sun! I also love cupcakes, laughter,baseball games and sprinklers, they make me happy too. :)

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  3. Movie nights with my family makes me happy! All of us snuggled up on the couch with a big bowl of popcorn and lots of yummy treats!!

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  4. This weather is making me happy! The sunshine and warm temps give me a pick me up when I walk outside the house. I love the snow but there is something about the first warm days of the spring. It's refreshing.

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  5. Kelly, it makes me HAPPY to know that you are progressing and taking the time to reach out and write. I know you are sad, but in spite of all that, you don't just withdraw into yourself, you are sharing your pain and growth with all of us who love you. Are we are a diverse bunch--people from all parts of the country, people who haven't even met you yet! But we are all cheering you on and learning from the wisdom you have gained through so much sorrow. There is a Latin phrase that says: "Ad astra per aspera," which means "through the thorns to the stars." That describes the journey you started three long months ago. Even if it doesn't feel like it, you are making progress every day. Thanks for showing us how a person can handle pain with such grace and beauty.

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  6. My family makes me happy. My husband means the world to me, and we are expecting our first child in September. Ironically, September will be the 1 year anniversary of when my brother died in a car accident. Life is beautiful, but painful. Thank you for continuing to share your wonderful story with us all.

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  7. I love getting GOOD news from doctors appointments! I also love getting visits from friends and family, they always brighten my day! I hope you are recovering well so far! My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.

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  8. Blogging makes me happy. It gives me an opportunity to keep all of my thoughts, feelings, and memories organized for my family, and, it gives me opportunities to be lifted and inspired by the experiences of others. Glad today went well for your sweet family. Much Love!

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  9. Ryan and kelly and finn u guys make my day just to read ur blogs and your blogging keep me going yes its Saturday at 12:24 and yes u r right im up reading your blog about today and about those wonderful people that did your fundraiser for today that is what makes me happy and scrapbooking thanks

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  10. I truly enjoy reading your blog. I am certain that so many memories flood over you every day. I am glad you are recovering and that the person who changed your lives forever is now behind bars. What makes me happy? Making other people happy by doing unexpected and random acts of thanks and appreciation. It soothes the soul! Thank you for sharing your story.

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  11. Serving Others is what makes me happy, and I need to do more of it with a better attitude! Another thing that makes me happy is an update from you, because you are amazing . . .

    p.s. Past Tense just might be the best thing in the world for stress relief. And my son was saved by Lemon, Lavender, and Peppermint last summer with his allergies!

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  12. What makes me happy??? When my kids wrap their little arms around my neck and say "mommy I love you" , when my husband just stares at me and has that look in his eye that he loves me more then anything in this world, when I truly feel the spirit of my sweet brother that passed away, there are so many times I truly feel him and know he is with me. I miss him so much. When my mom tells me that I'm her best friend. The sunshine also makes me happy! Reading your blog makes me happy too :) hearing of your story and reading your blog has truly touched me in a way I can't explain.

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  13. I love being with my husband, our kids and grandkids, and hearing the laughter and giggles from everyone. We were blessed with 3 girls and 3 boys .2.girls, 3 boys and another girl..our oldest son Troy born sept 4, 1985 & died dec 12, 1985 of sids , we had 100 wonderful days with him, and our youngest daughter Holii was a joyous surprise due dec.12, 1992, 7 years after Troy's death, we feel that she came to help make our Dec happy again :) we put Troys bear that my mom had bought him for Christmas in our family pictures to represent our Angel. My parents gave us a cedar chest to put Troy's clothes,blankets, toys and yes, his precious bottles and binkies in, so we know right where they are. My heart goes out to you and your beautiful family, I know that your precious Colum is close by. Seeing all of the good in people that love and care about your family makes me happy too, I wish the world could focus on the good in people, because it does outweigh the bad.Take care Kelly :) thank you for sharing your journey with us, you have definitly touched many hearts who felt so sad and helpless when we heard about your tragedy <3 love and prayers,.Sandra

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  14. So I guess it is time I comment on your blog, your story touched my heart in several ways, first I was in a car accident in Sept 2011 that was no where as bad as yours, however I wasn't wearing my seat belt and could of had a different turn out then the one it had, and the ptsd that comes with the accident is not easy. Also, I am not a mom yet however I love my niece with all my heart and can not even imagine how I would handle what you are going through. SO what makes me happy, besides my niece, listening to my favorite song on Youtube, it is the only place I know where to find it besides a burned cd I have and Dragonflies for the reminder that our loved ones are near!

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  15. Jesus makes me happy! Then my 3 children!!!

    Been following your blog for a month or so . truly inspirational!!!

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  16. Diet coke makes me happy ;) tiny kittens make me happy. being an animal
    rescuer makes me happy. Jelly beans make me happy.

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  17. The sun makes me happy. Thank you for sharing your feelings, Kelly. I know it probably doesn't feel like it but your honesty is truly inspiring.

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  18. Going outside and seeing all the tiny buds on the trees and bushes makes me happy. It means that the sunshine is waking up the world and the promise of Summertime is everywhere.

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  19. My two beautiful blond haired little boys make me happy. Spending time outside with them in this gorgeous weather and watching them see and learn new things. That moment at the airport when I see my husband for the first time after months or even a year of being away, dressed in his military uniform he looks so handsome, can't wait for that moment to come again. That will make me AND my boys so happy, especially since the oldest is having separation issues right now. My little family being all together, that will make me the happiest.
    I know that Colum is watching over you and even though he is not there physically he is in spirit. Love you Kelly.
    Sarah

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  20. I have been following your blog since January & am forever touched by your words, your rawness & your ability to wake to see another day. I have been praying for you & your family every day in hopes that you will all be able to find some peace & comfort in the days ahead. My prayers continue...

    What makes me happy? Right now it is witnessing all God's creations through the blooming of daffodils & tulips, the budding trees & the smell of fresh cut grass. I love spring :)

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  21. There are 2 things that make me the most happy, my 3 yr old Taylor and my 1 yr old Tenlie. They are the reason I wake up in the morning. I cherish the moments I spend with them. Everyday is a new adventure and I am so lucky to have them in my life. Until you have kids you really dont know what happiness is.

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  22. Spending time in the mountains! My family has a cabin up above Manti, UT, by Ferron Reservoir, and it is my home away from home! I love it there! It is so quiet and isolated, but you can still go hiking, fishing, four-wheeling, etc. If I could, I would live there year round! But unfortunately, in the winter it is completely enclosed by 10ft+ of snow. However, it makes the summer all the more special when we can go spend time there :)

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your beautiful family :)

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  23. I have been following your blog for a few months now, and I have to say you are simply amazing! You are such an example to everyone and I am thankful that I get to see your beautiful family thru this blog! What makes me happy is my family as well. And the memories that we have and make each day. Thank you for ALWAYS reminding me of that! My thoughts and prayers are with your family today and always!!!

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  24. Dear Kelly - The thing that makes me happy is being able to share my happiness and smile with my little preschoolers in our town's special education program. For some of them, their few hours a day at school is the only place they are treated with patience and understanding. More than once, other teachers and I have playfully argued over who is going to 'take home' a particular child and just play with them all day long.
    I was introduced to your blog by the nienie diaglogues and marvel at the strength of you and your husband.

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  25. There are so many things that make me happy.......laughter.....specifically children. What a beautiful sound!

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  26. Kelly,
    I have been following your blog since January and have emailed you a couple times. I just wanna tell you that you are such an inspiration to me! After everything that you have been through, you still find joy and happiness, you are truly amazing!!!

    What makes me happy is spending time with my family and friends and enjoying the warm weather outside!!!

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  27. Very few things make me as happy as beautifully sculpted eyebrows by Mrs. Kelley Pack...i mean honestly a good brow is worthing smiling about.

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  28. People who have inspired me to be a better mom, YOU! Truly changing my life direction and the peace that has come with it... Makes me happy.

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  29. Today I am happy because my son with special needs had a pretty serious surgery on his ear last week, but he is bouncing back as he usually does. He is such an example to me to not let things get us down, there is not time for that. We should be loving life and watching the wiggles!! :)

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  30. happiness to me this Sabbath day.. the beautiful world we live in, the sunshine and my knowledge we will see our loved ones again.

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  31. Hi Kelly! It's Malana, I met you yesterday at the fundraiser...and that made me really happy! Also, seeing a rainbow always makes me happy, no matter what is going on in my life. I'm almost as bad as the, "Double Rainbow" guy. You are so sweet and I feel like you show so much strength and are such an example of pushing through (to put it lightly) the tough times. It was a privilege to meeting you...you and your sweet family are in my thoughts and prayers often.

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  32. So much makes me happy. Life. Love. Family. My babies. Spring, oh how I am loving spring right now in this moment, sitting on my porch enjoying the sun, warmth on my skin, and birds chirping. My two beautiful babies giggles coming from the backyard as they jump on the trampoline that was set back up yesterday after a cold winter. So so so very much about my life that makes me happy. :)

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  33. I have been following your families story since it happened, but have never had the chance to read your blog! I stumbled on it today and I have been reading every word, crying tears with you, feeling your heartache but most of all, I am inspired by you and your family! I can't imagine how hard you have had it over the past few months, but you are coming out of top! I am so happy for the chance to love my family everyday, even the ones that have passed to be with our Heavenly Families. I will no longer take each day, kiss or hug for granted. You are an inspiration and I will keep you and your family in my prayers!

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  34. I have been a reader for a little while now. I am amazed by your bravery and courage. Thank you for sharing. What makes me happy is simple. It is seeing my two beautiful kids playing together and having a conversation. You see I am an only child and I never got to experience that bond. I am so in love with them and seeing them together. And am very grateful for every moment that we are given.

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  35. So many things make me happy, but I would say its the small things that mean the most. A cool breeze on a hot day, the sound of my childrens laughter, a good memory entering my head out of the blue, seeing my mom smile after survivng almost 10 months with my brother being gone. I truly love life, even when it is so hard and we wonder "why, why me". When the answer is "why not you". I am strong, a surviver like you Kelly. I continue to pray for you guys everyday Kelly, Ryan & Finn. Let the beautiful memories of your angel baby keep you strong. Xoxo

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  36. My family makes me happy, my children's laughs make me happy, my diet coke makes me happy, the little things make me happy. This is a first comment for me, but I have followed you since your first post about the accident. I am so glad that the man responsible for your heartache has been taken off the streets. I can't imagine. You are so strong. You are inspiring and I will continue to keep your sweet family in my prayers.

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  37. It makes me happy to play with my two boys. Hope all goes well for your family.

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  38. Still thinking of you and your family!! God bless.

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  40. Spring makes me happy. I am not a winter person, and the slightest hint that spring is on it's way makes me incredibly happy.

    I have been so touched by reading your blog, and you and your family are in my prayers.

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  41. Sunshine and warm makes me happy. My son and my husband make me happy.

    You are an inspiration to me to be better, to enjoy life more fully. Thank you for sharing your story with the blog world.

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  42. The beach makes me happy! I love the sound of the waves crashing, the sun shining and being there with my family:)

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  43. Having 2 weeks of incredibly beautiful weather for March in WI that was warm and stunningly abnormal in the best way. We have been doing the "happy dance" in my home.

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  44. My sweet niece and nephew make me happier than anything on the planet. When you write about your sweet Colum it reminds me of my nephew, and my heart breaks all over for you. Continued prayers coming from MN for all of you!

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  45. the things that make me happy are the simple things in life! I love this time of year when the willow trees start to turn green. It makes me so happy! I know that Spring is on it's way. It also makes me happy to read your blog posts I check daily to see if there are updates. I have been so touched by your cute little family. My husband and daughter came to the fundraiser yesterday and said that the spirit that was there was awesome. They really enjoyed meeting you. We would love to have you and your family come to our store and have a girls night out on us! We have a craft store that holds classes and everyone that comes has a great time. We call it paint therapy! Just let us know when you can come and we will get you on our schedule.

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  46. My daughter makes me happy. No matter what is going on the world she is my sunshine, and always makes me feel good just to be in her prescence. She is my only child, 9 years old. A gift from God at the age of 39. I m truly blessed by being in her life.
    I have been following your story since the day it happened, and watching your family recover makes me happy too. I can't imagine the pain of losing your baby, but I pray for you. I am so thankful that you have kept your kidneys, both you and your husband can walk and talk, and have no brain injury, and that your family is healing.
    I pray for you often

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  47. I have been reading your blog and have been truly touched by your story.

    What makes me happy? That the guy who did this is in jail! I hope he stays there for a very, very, very long time!

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  48. It is ok to feel sad, you have been through so much.

    What makes me happy? Going to the nearby river when it is low and collecting agates :)

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  49. So sorry about your trip to Costco. But I love that Finn remembers things that Colum loved. I hope that as he gets older, little things like that will still trigger some memories of his brother.

    My family makes me happy. Little reminders of all of the blessings children bring into our lives makes me happy. The sunshine makes me happy, so I can take my kids for walks. I, also, love that you are so positive and have all of these goals, like when you are going to start running again and having more babies. And that you guys are determined to be happy even through the loss of Colum.

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  50. When everyone in the house can sleep well, it makes me SO happy. My kids have the croup, and none of us have had any good sleep in days.

    I'm glad you mentioned the PastTense for headaches. I was actually considering leaving a comment to ask what can help me with migraines. I usually have an Excedrin and soak in a tub with some lavender oil in the water and the lights turned off, but it's hard to pull away to soak in the tub in the middle of the day, so I was wondering if DoTerra had something for that.

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  51. Just a few of the many things that make me happy: A good thunderstorm, reading Calvin and Hobbes, playing the piano and being with my family.

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  52. This beautiful spring weather we've been having in Texas makes me happy. The wildflowers blooming bring such happiness to my heart.I love the new life spring brings. May you and your sweet family continue to be blessed!

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  53. My family makes me happy! I love all my extended family, but spending time with my own little family, just my husband and our 2 kids makes me happy.

    You being amazing during this hard time and always trying to be positive even when a tornado just went through your family, makes me happy! You are amazing and I love reading your blog!

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  54. Spring time in Indiana, my 5 kids laughing and not fighting with each other and my baby kicking in my stomach.

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  55. Some friends of ours were at the scene of the accident on December 24th. I remember clearly their rage, they witnessed the entire thing. Since then we have been praying for you and your family. I know that there are no words to ease your pain, no comfort any of us can give you, really. What happened is the worst thing that can happen to a family. But I do want to tell you how proud I am that you blog about your feelings. There are so many people who will find solace in your honesty and a sense of comfort in discovering that someone knows exactly how they feel.

    You are such a dear person. I'm so sorry that you have suffered a mother's biggest fear, losing a child. Love to all of you.

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  56. I found you via Windfall Dolls and am so filled with sorrow for you. Just this evening I've read through your posts since January and I just want to go and hug my 2 year old in his bed right now. We mustn't take anything for granted. Just lately I've been trying to rework my parenting skills in the discipline area, as my 2 year old is having a bit of trouble lately with our new life with our three month old baby. A friend recommended a website on discipline and timeouts. In reading your posts about Finn, it made me think that you might like to read it. http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/use-positive-discipline. It is all about using empathy in parenting and makes so much sense. I imagine that Finn is in need of so much empathy and love right now. I'll be checking back in here to see how you are doing. With love, Missy

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  57. My family makes me happy. I have a 3 yr old and a 2 yr old and as of last week, both are out of diapers! I feel blessed to have the 2 children that I have, especially since we have been trying for #3 for a year and are having fertility issues. Going to church, feeling the spirit and attending the temple make my spirit happy as well. No matter my trials, I know I am blessed and have been given so much and realizing that brings so much more happiness into my life.

    Ive been following your blog since the accident and your posts have touched my heart. I wish there was something I could do for you but please know, I do pray for your family and hope your healing continues.

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  58. I really love spending time with my family and friends and LOVE even more spending time with them outdoors. I hope things continue to get better for you and your family. I think about your family often.

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  59. What makes me happy is seeing those around me happy. Seeing a smile on anyone's face puts a smile on mine, especially those on the faces of the ones I love. I enjoy making people laugh and will do almost anything to make it happen.

    I haven't been reading your blog for long, and this is the first time I comment (thanks for the giveaway - by the way! The reason behind it is AWESOME!) Just wanted to say that your family is thought about and I pray for your strength and love through this difficult journey you are all enduring.

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  60. Taking my 86 year old Mother to see the play "Mary Poppins" over the weekend. I had seen the movie as a child and always assumed that she had taken me. Found out this weekend, that it was my Dad. She had never seen the movie. Wow! She was like a kid watching the play. The wonder in her eyes.

    I am happy that I can make her happy.

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  61. My family makes me happy. Also, so does warm jammies fresh out of the dryer. Oh, and a good pedicure.

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  62. My kids and sewing makes me happy.

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  63. Sunshine makes me happy. I am so sorry for your loss. I have been following your blog and your strength amazes me.

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  64. no need to put me in your drawing - but i just wanted to tell you and all of the commenters on this blog entry what an amazing read it is. it is so inspiring to see what makes so many people happy. thank you, every single one of you (and especially you, kelly) for a wonderful pick-me-up as i start my monday morning.

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  65. Honestly, reading your blog makes me happy. I just love how REAL you are. Everything is not always perfect, but you are real about it and you help people like me move on, and be successful, even with the hard times. I admire you, Kelly. I think you are a strong, beautiful woman and a fantastic mom and wife. Even during your trials you are looking for reminders of him, and looking for ways to remain YOU. Yes, you have a lot of people helping you now, but if you think about it, it is because you have helped them in the past. You are a natural giver, and you help everyone around you. THANK YOU for being you and for being real.

    ps. I LOVE DoTERRA. I am amazed by how much it has helped me already and I would love to win these great products. My favorite one so far is the Wild Orange and DigestZen for sore tummies.

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  66. What makes me happy today is your post about your headache roll on stuff. TOTALLY need it. i also enjoy your blog.

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  67. So many thing make me happy, Disneyland, candy, a funny book, good friends, girls nighs, my family. But most of all the nubmer one thing that makes me happy is when my kids are all gettin along and we have no fighting in our home and everyones laughing. I have 6 crazy, fun kids (5 girls and 1 boy) so we have lots of drama in our home, when were all getting along it's a happy day witch makes for one happy mom.

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  68. You are such an amazing person - I have been following your blog for awhile now, and I am so inspired by your courage, determination, honesty, will - the whole package. I continue to pray that you will be healed and your heart although it will never heal, will find its new normal, and you will be able to think about your "angel son" watching over and waiting for your.

    Things that make me happy are: my family, the gospel, my friends, books, outside.......so many things to make me happy, its really about taking the time to notice them all.

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  69. You are such an inspiration to me and my children. After reading your post today, I started thinking about my baby (16 months old) and all the little things she does that I always take for granite. You gave me the gift of stopping and just taking that moment every day to remember something they did each day that made me smile. Today, my sweet Grae dancing to the hotdog song, my 10 year old Boston running out the the driveway while I'm leaving for work at 6am to beg me to put her hair in a ponytail because "no one does it as good as you mom". And Baylee, for her coming out to check on Boston to make sure she was ok.

    Thank you for sharing your most personal feelings with us on your blog. They mean and touch me more than you will ever know.

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  70. Your strength is so inspiring. I send prayers for comfort and healing your way.

    My two cats make me happy. One of my cats, a 2 year old named Ada, is blind and makes my heart melt every day. You would never know she is blind, particularly when she alerts me to bugs in the house. While I dont have any children, Ada and her older sister Cheyenne help me get through the best and the worst. Cheyenne snuggled with me when I lost my grandfather, and Ada loves to be my watch-cat when I am sick.

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  71. I check your blog everyday and my heart is so heavy for you. I can't imagine what your going through.

    My family makes me happy. Nothing brings a smile to my face like my kids in the morning!

    We pray for your family often!

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  72. Like so many others I have just been drawn to you since I first heard your story 3 months ago. I check in and pray for you. My heart aches and I have cried so many times knowing some of the hurt you are experiancing. I know its not the same. Different situation but I lost my little girl 2 years ago. Every single thing reminds me of her. Everything that seemed like nothing then- is something now. I am constanting trying to hold onto something. Anything. To just be close to her. The hurt of knowing there is nothing you can do. There is no amount of prayer or money or working harder that will bring them back. I have never felt so helpless. I am sure you have had many families reach out to you that have been through something similar but I just wanted to be another I guess. To let you know someone else is here praying for you. For every second of the rest of your life. You really are an amazing Mum. You are an amazing Wife. You are a hero to many many of us who diligently read your blog. I am so glad you are having support. That is so important!
    I hope you feel the love of strangers
    :)

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  73. Happiness to me at THIS moment is having 10 hours with Zachary, and knowing I can look at his pictures and "remember" his cute little face, his smell, his soft skin and his "big spirit full of love for us (his family). He has given a lot of people a new perspective on life and that truly makes me happy. Your blog is my new favorite place to help with my healing, and I am thankful for you sharing. ((HUGS))

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  74. You are such a strong, amazing woman. I cannot imagine losing a child AND being broken physically. You have been a warrior through it all. Thank you for sharing your story.

    Seeing my children happy brings me the most happiness.

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  75. We have been unable to have children which has been a very difficult journey. We also have several friends who share the same path. Seeing a close friend adopt a healthy little girl and another who found out she was pregnant after many, many years of IVF makes me happy. It gives me hope. Thanks for reminding me that things do get better.

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    1. I know what this feels like. I wrote a post called infertility on this blog awhile back. I obviously got lucky, but I wrote about how I felt, and how hard it was for me. I think it's now the 2nd hardest thing I've ever been through. Hang in there my dear. And good luck to you, I'm glad you have friends who understand.

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  76. I love DoTerra. My mom got me some for Christmas and now I have a big stash. HAHA I'm so glad it's working for you. My babies make me happy, my dog makes me happy, and when my house is clean I'm amazingly happy. HAHA I'm also so happy that you're doing so well and that there were charges against him. My friend lost her 4 yr old daughter in a car accident. A 17yr old ran a red light on Bangerter and smashed into her. He wasn't charged with anything. It was really hard for her. Just knowing that people can drive recklessly and not have ANY sort of consequence makes me sad. So, I'm so glad your situation is ending differently than hers did. That makes me happy!!!

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  77. Wow, and the anniversaries start, not easy! We lost my brother-in-law and niece 5 years ago this May, they were hit and killed in a crosswalk by an elderly driver - you may remember the news stories. The first two years of anniversaries are the hardest. The years after that hurt, my husband still completely retreats into a shell the week of their deaths. But, you don't start noticing the anniversaries in between. Don't get me wrong the thoughts are there, the emptiness is there, but after two years it isn't as overpowering as it once was. You will truly begin to find really and pure joy again - I promise!!

    Hang in there Kelly! Those of us in internetland think of you often!

    Something happy - for Easter this year I will have all my boys under one roof! We adopted two older boys before having our baby and they've never all been in the same place at the same time - dumb college ruins everything :). My boys are 19, 14 and 6 months - I'm so excited to have them all together. This will be an Easter to remember!

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  78. Sunshine makes me happy. I feel like it's God giving me a kiss on the cheek. You know that moment sometimes, where you step out of your front door, and time slows down & you can hear birds chirping and everything gets that warm glow and you feel happy because the sunshine is on your face and you can feel that you're alive? For me that's a hug & a kiss from my Heavenly Father... and i'll take it :)

    I love your blog, thank you for being so strong. You have no idea how many people your example touches. sending sunshine your way!

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  79. Being with my grandkids, especially the babies makes me deliciously happy. If it's raining then I am even happier

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  80. This spring weather that we are getting here in UT makes me sooo happy! It just feels sooo good to walk on the grass in bare feet after a winter of being cooped in...gotta love it!

    Thank you for sharing your story on your blog...you are a strong woman and a good example to all of us. I am terribly sorry for your family's loss.

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  81. Watching everything turn just a little greener everyday, my little boy, that I get to be a stay at home mom, my family....So many things, the list is endless.
    Hang in there Kelly, I think about you and your family every day. You're an amazing women with amazing strength. Love your blog. (Hugs)
    Jessica H.

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  82. It was fun to run into you at the fundraiser the other day. I think it's wonderful how well Ryan takes care of you. I thought of that when I saw him pushing you around that day. You have such a strong support system and two "boys" that love you so much and are there for you every day.

    My relationships make me happy because they are all I take with me to Heaven and that makes them the most important thing I have on this Earth.

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    1. I wasn't home last night but I wanted to say thank you for bringing us dinner last night! It was delicious. You are seriously the sweetest thing. I lost your # as well, so text me sometime if you still have mine. xoxo

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  83. Love your blog, and just have to say you are so inspiring. Just want to give you a hug. :)
    Something that makes me happy is cinnamon hot chocolate from Kneaders on a rainy day. Have you ever tried it? If not you need to!

    p.s. I know this might sound weird but your skin is so beautiful! Do you have a certain skin care line you love, or are you just blessed? :)

    Stephanie J.

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    1. Stephanie, Thank you! I do but I don't. I used to use Jan Marini Skin Research for years and years but now I can't afford it. I still use her bioglycolic cleanser and sunscreen. I've been an esthetician for 11 years but haven't focused on the skincare aspect in years. But I think the secret is sunscreen! Find a good spf and wear it every single day. I like Jan Marini's cause it's not heavy, it's waterproof, even Ryan wears it (on occasion). 90% of aging is from the sun. I'm a little OCD about wearing sunscreen and hats on vacation or when I'm outside. Even when it's a snow storm I wear it. Thank you for the compliment, I don't see it cause it's on myself but thank you.

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  84. Thank you for sharing. You are an inspiration to us all.

    Right now the weather makes me happy! I love the spring in Texas!

    Brittany

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  85. Kelly,
    I love reading all of your blog posts. Your such an awesome example!

    This sounds silly, but D.I. makes me happy. There is something about the thrill of digging through the piles of junk to find a treasure.

    Love ya!
    Jess

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  86. A lot of things make me happy but most of all I love coming home from work and seeing my precious baby boy. There is nothing more sweeter and joyful than that. When he hears me coming through the door, he yells ma'ma and starts dancing around. It's an amazing feeling and it makes me so happy.

    Hang in there Kelly. You and your family are always in my thought and prayers. I love your blog by the way.

    -Brittany Uribe

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  87. Family makes me happy!!!

    I love your blog and hearing updates of how far you all have come. You and Ryan are very strong people. I wish you all the best in ALL of your healing (physically & emotionally).

    *Becky Neff-Kempff

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  88. Kathy B. from IdahoMarch 26, 2012 at 7:00 PM

    Hugs and kisses (even the slobbery ones) from my grandchildren make me extremely happy! Blessings to you and your family!

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  89. I think the laughter of my baby boy is one thing that makes me the happiest! It is such an amazing sound!
    I don't even know you but I've been following your blog because we were driving west on 90th south just a few hours after your accident and it was still closed. As I followed the news and found out about your tragedy I was heartbroken! I think it really hit home for me because first of all, it could have been us if we had left earlier as planned and second, I have a baby boy almost the exact age as your Colum. Thank you for sharing your story and helping me remember to never take things for granted! I wish you the best!

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  90. Lots of things make me happy .... "belly" laughs from my 2 babies, sunshine, the smell of rain, and bedtime :)

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  91. 2 things! The smell of rain, it makes me feel like a clean slate. The smell of new born babies. A reminder of how pure and innocent they are!

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  92. My boys, my husband and Gods love for us all.

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  93. what makes me happy: the days God blesses me with a couple of hours pain-free. i'm 25 and have 2 chronic conditions, one potentially fatal if i encounter complications & i've had 4 brain surgeries since Christmas 2008. the other is i get a migraine every day of my life. (actual migraines, not just headaches, complete with vomiting and sensitivity to light, smell, sound, and having to lay perfectly still.) i spend about 22 hours of each 24 resting and my doctors at Johns Hopkins say i'm one in 10million. at least i'm not as depressed as i used to be - i had to go to therapy because i was abducted & held in mexico for a month in 2000 by a father i hardly knew & people he knew but i did not. this was the end of 11 years of abuse. anyway, while i was there working through all that, they taught me to deal with all this health stuff. i have my days, but at least i'm not suicidal.

    not that any of this compares to your situation - i feel kinda silly thinking all this is bad when your family has faced so much.

    praying for you!

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    1. Bless your heart (and your head and everything else!). I will be praying for you, Michelle! May I recommend a book that a friend of mine who is chronically ill has written? It's called How to be Sick, by Toni Bernhard. It is an excellent resource full of wonderful insights. Really, if I knew how, I would just send it to you. Take care, and I wish you a very good day with plenty of pain-free time.

      http://www.amazon.com/How-Sick-Buddhist-Inspired-Chronically-Caregivers/dp/0861716264/ref=sr_1_cc_1?s=aps&ie=UTF8&qid=1332856387&sr=1-1-catcorr

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  94. My 4 beautiful kids make me happy! AND reading your new posts and how far you all of come!!! Continue to take one day at a time!

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  95. The Spring like weather we have had. Sun does wonders for me, as well as my kids who get to finally play outside. Thank you for sharing your story!

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  96. Thank you for reminding me what is important! My life makes me happy. It is in no way perfect, but it is perfect for me. I am blessed to have two great kids and an amazing husband!

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  97. My sweet little family makes me happy. O- and a clean house!
    natj621@msn.com

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  98. I am grateful for my life and my family and having them all home at night makes me happy.

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  99. Random acts of kindness make me happy :)

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  100. Those sweet little belly laughs that my nephew gives when I tickle him make me happy!

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  101. Kelly, I'm also thrilled to read your blog and see how much you are improving. You're an amazing woman and mother! I'm also happy when I'm baking things with my two little girls. We love to make cookies, cupcakes, and whole wheat bread. It is funny to see their excitement at how things combined make yummy treats and their messes while baking are ridiculous but bring me happiness for some reason- unlike all their other messes!
    I also have to admit happy when I am delivering babies at my job. It's amazing to place a pink crying baby in their mother's arms for the first time. Motherhood itself brings happiness:)
    Good luck with your continued recovery. Love your blog!

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  102. Every time I read this, I wish so much I could hug you and cry with you and help in a way that would make your days easier and a little brighter. I will be going to the fundraiser and will hopefully have the courage to speak with you.
    Something happy: the smell of spring, the sound of lawn mowers....it makes me salivate to think of the declicious days ahead!

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  103. Tiffany Shire ManuelaMarch 27, 2012 at 4:24 PM

    Sunny days and Gingerbread makes me happy!

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  104. I am happy that summer is coming! I love the flowers and gardening and the sun oh and the heat! Thanks for a chance to win! You are all in my thoughts and prayers daily.

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  105. My son, Jayden. He can be so naughty at times(he has lots of issues and cant really help it) but when he sais, "I love you" or "I'm sorry mom" it melts my heart and reminds me how much I truelly love him. He makes me smile:-)!

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  106. Spring time, flowers blooming and sweet hugs and kisses from my kids.

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  107. the warm days that are quickly approaching us! I am so excited to have warm weather here!! I love the newly blooming flowers, reminds me of new beginnings! So many wonderful things to be done in the summertime! BBQ's, family get togethers, laughter, and of course my husband and 3 kids make me smile!

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