::pack:: of fixations



life after tragedy. living while grieving. love and triplets.

3.20.2012

Pushing myself

We have been oh, so busy.  It seems that most days I have a number of things to do (don't we all) and then as soon as I get home, I stumble to my bed... sometimes I can barely walk to my bed.  We do a few hours of therapy 3 days a week and I really push myself.  Well on Saturday, I did exactly what I've wanted to do for a long time.  I laid in bed the entire day and cried for most of it.  Sometimes when I'm out and about I can cry at a drop of the hat, and sometimes I meet some readers who cry at the drop of a hat, and I feel guilty because my tears aren't falling.  Ryan and I notice that when the weather gets ugly, so does our pain...we are like those old people that can feel when a storm is a comin' in their knee yet we are only in our early 30's.  I've been told that I may always struggle with pain and that I may walk with a limp, but at least I can skip the weather-man.  Nope, no need for us to watch that part of the news cast cause we can feel it comin'.  I'm hoping I get good at this, or that we will be forced to move somewhere warm.  It takes us both a while to get up in the mornings (I admit I'm the worst).  We make lots of "Ohs" and "Ahs" getting up not just in the mornings, also when the weather turns.  We often laugh at this.  Not only have we experienced hoyer lifts, bed pans, and walkers, but now we make old people sound effects.  I wonder when we are both able to run again if these noises we make will get better or worse. One thing I know is getting old, I can do it, bed pans...not so much.  I was going to make a rap song about them in the hospital and post it in on YouTube, I was also on a lot of drugs.

I am still loving physical therapy.  We switched to a whole new place and I think it fits us better.  I think our new place can accommodate all our multiple injuries a lot better and they really go the extra mile.  I can barely walk out to the car sometimes after I'm finished.  I push myself not only because I want to chuck my cane...(yup, I'm down to only a cane for short distances folks), but because I want to have a baby so bad that if you have one, you better hold on tight when you see me comin'.  I've never been like this before, not even when I was like this.  It's different, than when I'd never had a baby.  I don't envy the pregnant ladies...actually I dread that part.  But, I hope with everything I have that I can grow a bigger family.  

Below is one of my very very most treasured things I have of my Colum.  Finn was/is in Preschool and we would sing and practice the moves to Itsy Bitsy Spider a lot.  One day I noticed that Colum was doing them to.  I was holding my phone so he wasn't participating in the moves as much.  When the 'out comes the sun' part comes he starts going from side to side because I do that with the sun above my head.  I love this short Iphone video and I hope you see why.

video



14 comments:

  1. What a sweet boy Colum was. That smile just melts your heart. I watched you guys on the news tonight and I am so happy that charges have been filed against the man who hit you guys that tragic night. I will continue to pray for your guys' physical and emotional recovery. Best wishes to you and yours.

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  2. That is such a precious video. He is so so so cute! I am glad to hear your physical therapy is going well. I hope you guys can get outside and run very soon. The weather is looking pretty nice for the next days, so hopefully no soar bodies :) Have a wonderful day. Stay strong, you are doing amazing. Oh and you guys looked gorgeous/handsome on the news tonight. Finn is a little stud.

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  3. What a cute video! He was such a cute, handsome boy and that smile could melt anyone's heart.

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  4. That's great that you're down to a cane!! Keep up the great work! Keep pushing yourself and you will get to where you want to go and to add to your sweet family! My computer won't open the video to watch :( . I bet it's cute!! I'm glad therapy's going great!!

    Continue to stay strong :)

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  5. His smile is as bright as the sun kelly!!! Brought a tear to my eye!!!

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  6. Shoot I can't find or see any link to this video???

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  7. I finally got to watch it!!! So precious!!

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  8. Oh that video is so precious. Bawling mess right here! Those crinkly eyes and that smile, what a beautiful boy. I am so glad that you have this memory of him saved and can watch it over and over. I am sending getting pregnant vibes your way, I wish I was close and I would totally share my babies until you have a new Kelly/Ryan mix in your arms. xoxo

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  9. What a beautiful treasure you have there! Pictures are wonderful, but videos are such a treasure!! I think you should totally follow through with that bed pan rap! My 10 yr old is an amazing little beat boxer, he'll join you :D

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  10. What a precious video! You guys are doing awesome and working so hard to get better, I think the old people sounds will fade~ Luv ya lots!
    PS I wish I would have pulled out my phone and recorded you rapping about that bed pan some of the funniest stuff i've ever heard!

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  11. Thank you for sharing that precious video. You never know what small & simple things will become treasures.

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  12. What a cutie...so sweet. So glad you have that to watch over and over. Happy you are walking so well. Will be praying that you can add to your family soon.

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  13. So so so precious! Thank you for sharing that video of Colum! I am so glad you have that!

    It is great that you love your physical therapy because it is helping you get better and better. I am sorry for the physical aches and pains that are ever with you because of your injuries. I pray that they will become less as time goes on, and of course I pray for your emotional pain, too, because I know it is ever with you as well.

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  14. Kelly, this video is so cute! He is such a happy beautiful little baby! Love his smile and his cute little hands!!

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