::pack:: of fixations

life after tragedy. living while grieving. love and triplets.


Part 2

....I expected to get in the ambulance & naturally drive to a hospital but it never moved. "what's your name, how old are you?". There were 3-5 guys inside trying to assess my injuries. Asking me if this hurt, if that hurt. I DID answer those questions. I expected pain medicine but, never received any. I couldn't breathe. The pain. Was I gonna live through this?, did I want to? "what's your name, how old are you". They were frustrated. I know they got my blood pressure reading once & everybody grunted, 1 said I don't believe you. I met 1 guy that helped me later on, & he said they couldn't figure out why I couldn't breathe. He knew I wasn't just hyper ventilating. "what's your name? How old are you?", I told them I would not answer those anymore & they'd just get a blink. I warned them before I vomited & missed their bucket onto the walls, floors, & shoes. Breathe Kelly, breathe to get to Colum.

Life flight was coming. I just had to breathe my way through the pain & minutes. The men didn't know that when he turned his hip & my left arm fell off the bed that extra bit of moaning was me trying to tell them, "dude that arm dangling either prop it back up or cut the thing off". I remember hearing the helicopter & being told it was time to go. The men wheeled me out & loaded me in as I breathed. It was a tight fit. "7-10 minutes", he said. I wanted to get to Colum but also terrified about what was going on with the other half of my heart I was now flying above.


  1. Kelly, we don't know you but we have been following your blog and checking on the updates. Thank you for sharing this. My family is praying for yours. Please know that many people are thinking of you and praying for you. We love you even though we don't know you... We feel like we know you because we check on you (through your blog) everyday. We think you are amazing and strong.

    The Bakers

  2. kelly,

    we don't know each other but i feel like i know you (your dad was my favorite all time teacher in 5th grade at barratt elementary and your sister jenn is in my parents ward and works right next to my mom at alpine school district). i cannot tell you how much your story has affected my life, from the moment i read about it on KSL.com on christmas eve, your family has been in my thoughts and prayers. i think about you everyday, at least 3x a day. i cannot fathom what you are going through... its too much for anyone. loosing your sweet beautiful colum would be enough heartbreak for a lifetime but to be in such critical condition like you and your husband are, is TOO MUCH! you are always in my thoughts and prayers. i don't know what else to say other than, you amaze me. your strength is awe inspiring... i know you don't have much choice in being strong right now but i hope you know what your strength does for everyone else. i hope you know the love and prayers that are there for you and your family. there have been so many nights since i heard of your tragedy that i have gone into my baby's room and got him out of his crib and wept over your pain. i don't get it, my finite brain cannot process how something like this could ever happen, its too much for any mother to handle. i try to get updates from my mom via jenn daily and i pray you and ryan can heal fast and be home with your precious finn. you deserve all the happiness the world can possibly offer. you are beautiful and amazing. thank you for sharing your story.