First I just want to say thank you for all the kind comments you have left me. I read every single one of them and it helps me feel like I'm not alone & have special angels guiding me through the heartache & pain. Thank you to everyone who has been able to donate to help us. Every penny counts & I know in these hard economic times it's hard to do, bless you all.
It was decided a 3rd drain was to be put in. I don't know why but this one was excruciatingly painful. Luckily my mom wass there after it was placed. I cried and cried and needed my momma. It felt like a huge chunk had been cut out of my side with an ice cream scooper. There was a peculiar layer wrapped around my kidney that they wanted cleaned out; it turns out it was blood. My sheets were spotted with blood from who knows what part of the drain. I cried & cussed every time I've had to get out of bed & back in. It was a sharp, stabbing ferocious pain. This afternoon during my last therapy session we got interrupted by a transporter to get an ultrasound on my kidneys. To my delight when I was wheeled in the room the man who put in & takes out my drains entered into the room. The ultrasound showed it had served its purpose & he pulled out the drain right then an there, and of course it hurt like heck. The pain is now gone and I feel like a free bird again!
One of my main goals before I went home was to be able to walk to a commode to toilet myself. Yup, I've been going in a bed pan & my catheter was just removed yesterday. Another reason why nurses, aids, & therapists are special people is what they do to assist you in these situations. Bed pans are the only answer & it takes 2 people to help roll a broken body & place it under you just right. Then you have to get comfortable because going in a bed pan is not easy my friends. You are in bed & it's not the same. And it takes 2 people to roll you off and clean you. Every floor I've been on its all the same...going poop is a celebration. We are all on meds that plug us up. It's always a proud yet humble moment. Lots of very humble moments in here. I'm very very proud to say I no longer use bed pans as of yesterday. I won't need my friends and family to do that for me when I get home (something I've been absolutely terrified about for weeks). I can also brush my own teeth & hair, feed myself, push buttons, & hold a cup! Every ounce of independence is amazing and like a little celebration of my own.
Like I mentioned before, I don't get pregnant easily. 2 has always been our number. My pregnancy with Colum was very very hard. Last December I called and scheduled a vasectomy. The day before we were supposed to get it done I called & I canceled it. After the accident an old friend reminded me of a conversation we had shortly after I'd canceled. She'd heard me complain throughout my entire pregnancy about how sick,fat, & just plain miserable I was. Colum was also somewhat of a surprise. She knew 2 was our number. So she could not understand for the life of her why I canceled the vasectomy. She thought I was crazy. I told her, "what if one of my kids die". She told me how unlikely that was, & it is. I remember having that conversation. I am so grateful I canceled that vasectomy. All I want is to be pregnant again & hear little tiny feet pitter-pattering around my house again. & hear the laughter of 2+ siblings playing again. I know nothing can replace Colum. & there will always be a gaping hole in our hearts. Tonight I texted Ryan that I wished I was pregnant. He responded saying he asked Finn before he fell asleep if he'd want a new baby boy or a new baby girl and Finn said boy :). Of course I secretly want another blonde haired, blue eyed baby boy that looks and acts just like my Colum. But I know i will love whatever I get and I will keep colum's memory alive in them.
My goals/timeline are:
Walk without a walker
Not need a jazzy or a wheelchair
Walk without a cane
Run again & build myself back up to 5+ miles/day
Get pregnant at lightning speed (cross your fingers for me)
Continue running while pregnant
Get pregnant again a year later at lightning speed
...I think our new number is 3
Correction 4 is our new number. I still need to count my Colum. Love you baby!