We live in a tiny house built in 1952. We don't live beyond our means. We've remodeled most of our house ourselves to save money. We live paycheck to paycheck. We were poor. We were happy. Life was perfect.
Before the accident happened I was running 5-7 miles per day & Ryan was getting into it too. I would run on our treadmill in the mornings while colum took his first nap. That time was sacred to me. I ran my first 10k then a 1/2 marathon, which is something i never thought I'd do. We bought a used double jogging stroller off of KSL & ran a 5k as a family thanksgiving morning. running gave me a high that's better than any words can describe. It was also very exciting to have Ryan join me...something healthy that we could do together. I can't wait to run again!
I felt that I'd made it through the hardest part of having small children close in age & everything was easier. They both slept through the night. Colum usually woke up first. I would put him on the couch & fill a bottle with cold milk, as i gave it to him he'd grin at me. Then I'd find the softest blanket i could find & put it on his lap & a piece against his precious little face. He would grab the blanket & silently give me that loving grin. Then i would put on his latest favorite show (was toy story) & he would smile like it was Christmas morning, because his brother ruled the tv scene most of the time. I would grab my sugar-free rockstar out of the fridge & crawl back in bed & try to pull out of my sleeping pill coma, & after I drank the whole thing hopefully get a pre-run jolt. Without a doubt within 5 minutes, Colum would sneak down the hall & stand at my doorway dragging his blanket, bottle hanging from his teeth. His smile would say I found you mama, now you have to cuddle. I would say something like "Monster boy how did you find me?", he would laugh & climb into bed with me. It was one of my favorite morning rituals. Finn & Colum played & played all day, they could look at each other a certain way & make each other laugh. They would play their own version of hide & seek, and shared a bedroom. Ryan & I looked forwArd to camping, fishing, & lots of future family vacations with our beloved boys that got along so well. I always felt so lucky I was able to give Finn a brother, since it was so hard for us to get pregnant with Finn (IVF twice).
Exactly a week after the accident the officer came in to talk to us about the accident. The man who hit us name is Thomas A*%><}*!? (don't know if I can disclose his full name). He claims he wasn't drinking but drank the night before. He said he dropped his cell phone & bent over to pick it up, & before he knew it he was headed straight for us. He is between the age of 54-56 & he lives with his parents. The officer told us he was insured, this got me through a lot of my surgeries. But, 2 weeks later our insurance called to tell us he was not insured. I lost my security blanket that evening. This was a very dark hour for me. This is when I learned this man, who I believe to have been intoxicated, crashed into my family, killed my precious, sweet-as-honey baby, forever ruined our Christmas'/my birthdays, almost killed Ryan, Finn & I, & has almost destroyed our entire lives, he did this; yet it is ALL on our shoulders. We are likely to be in financial ruin. But what eats at me the most isnt the money, or the scumbag that hit us.
I want to smell him & run my fingers through his hair. I want to hear his stories as he points at nothing & jabbers away. His face when Daddy gets off work & first steps in the door. His lips were the most juicy, kissable lips, I had to pin his arms down to get kisses because he would say "no", & slap or punch you so hard. I know him. I miss him. I want him back in my arms. Colum, I was so lucky to be your Mommy.